1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Confused About Telling The Truth.

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Anusha2917, Feb 25, 2019.

  1. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,575
    Likes Received:
    7,022
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    I'm in a weird rather I would say awkward situation. " I'll put it point wise ,so it's simple to understand
    1) "L" is from Ireland and my internet best friend.
    2) Met her through a support group in fb.
    3) I stopped using fb and we connected through instagram.
    4) L has a dedicated page in instagram for putting her infertility struggle. Mine is my normal account where I don't post anything but use instagram only to connect with L. All she does in that page is support other women going through infertility, post something about treatments etc.
    5) L and I have same problem,we are same age and we discuss our issues /struggles daily. She's like my long lost twin sister.
    6) L and I started IVF in August last year. It didn't work for me ,for L she had OHSS(one side effect of IVF treatment). Since August last year we have become best friends, chat daily in instagram and discuss our good and bad days.
    7)Apparently L and I had second round of treatment on the same date last December. We both got our pregnancy news on same date , and also same due date in Sept .Been in the same boat since then.
    8) few days back L vanished from instagram and stopped replying to my messages . Apparently she had stopped using her instagram because she said she heard a lot of miscarriage stories from her page and it got her worried. I could feel how worried she would get because I was in same situation as hers.
    7) Last Thursday I had a mc . For some reason I thought sharing with L would cause her the unwanted worry and I silently stopped using instagram which is anyway an useless account .L knew I had a scan on Thursday.
    8) During one earlier chat we had exchanged phone numbers. L immediately connected through whatsapp and said she's worried for me and why I'm not replying to her on instagram .
    9) Now thinking how to tell her about mc I started lies like I stopped using instagram, my account got logged out ,unable to login and stuff.
    10) L wanted to know my scan. I again lied and said I postponed. She got really worried and said how I should get a scan done sooner and why I'm not serious about my scan. She's been telling me she's sensing something is not right and she is thinking about me and my scan. She's also worried that she's not having much pregnancy symptoms.
    Looks like she needs to wait long until her next scan.
    11) my lies to her saying I'm fine is not working . I feel bad to lie like this. But at the same time I don't want her to worry about my mc and start relating to her not having much symptoms .
    I want her to finish her journey successfully which unfortunately I couldn't finish.
    12) my questions are :
    Should I just block her in whatsapp n instagram thinking she's just an internet friend .but let me tell you she's been such a great source of support to me from a year or so.
    Or just tell the truth and ask her not to worry about me and I'm praying for her to succeed in this.

    It's weird sometimes small things are putting me in a fix.
    My husband says just tell her what happened and ask her not to worry and she will have a successful journey.
     
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2019
    Loading...

  2. salad

    salad Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    374
    Likes Received:
    678
    Trophy Points:
    175
    Gender:
    Female
    I think it is better to be honest. Why you want to loose such a great friend? she has been through this. So she will understand it. After telling her the truth if she doesn't want to keep in touch. It is upto her but you did your part.

    Be honest, Let her know your situation." and ask her not to worry and she will have a successful journey."

    Baby dust to both of you.
     
    Sinant, Adharv, shravs3 and 2 others like this.
  3. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,921
    Likes Received:
    9,220
    Trophy Points:
    460
    Gender:
    Female
    @Anusha2917 ,

    When we get good friends or form good relationships, it is our good fortune. Some relationships may stay longer than the other. Irrespective, whenever we recall our friends we definitely feel warm and good. Your Insta friend L is a good soul on a similar journey as yours. I suggest, open the news to her gently, display your positivity and strength in accepting whatever happened and tell her how hopeful you are still. Be a pillar of strength to her.

    Communication is the key; with your well-intended lie don't strangle a good friendship. Many well-intended lies/hidden truths ruin relationships, so also the sudden silence or disappearance. Please give a proper closure and I commend your hubby's attitude and advice.
     
  4. SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,041
    Likes Received:
    2,413
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    OP, so sorry about your mc

    You are a lovely friend , despite your sadness, you are thinking about your friend's fears first!
    When in doubt, tell the truth!
    Sometimes sharing your grief is also a part of being a good friend. That you trust her to stand by you in your moment of sadness. In this journey it would be nice to have a friend's support. Reach out , she will be strong for you.
     
  5. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    905
    Likes Received:
    1,364
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    @Anusha2917 you're a good friend.
    Despite your own troubles you think about your friend's health and her state. For your good heart nothing will happen to her.
    Tell her truth. God is with you.
    I have met people who made my mc is "nothing everyone has these days" dialogue. I can understand you. Be bold tell her the truth, good people moreover good friends are hard these days to get. She is nice enough to worry and ping you in WhatsApp.
    No one does these days.
     
    Saiabimom, Anusha2917 and Adharv like this.
  6. Adharv

    Adharv Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    810
    Likes Received:
    951
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    @Anusha2917 ma'am you're simply superb :worship2: I like your concern and care towards "L" your unknown frnd.

    I don't think I would tell anything better than what others have suggested here. "Yes" do share it with your frnd and express your positivity, DO NO disappoint her and miss such caring frnd. My prayers and best wishes sis to you and ur frnd :thumbup: Good Luck!!
     
    GeetaKashyap and Anusha2917 like this.
  7. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,575
    Likes Received:
    7,022
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you all for your thoughtful replies.. Yes I'm reconsidering my decision to share it with L sooner than later.
    I'm sure she will understand .
     
    Adharv and Lalithambigai like this.
  8. Lalithambigai

    Lalithambigai IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    554
    Likes Received:
    4,103
    Trophy Points:
    420
    Gender:
    Female
    @Anusha2917 Good. Now that you have decided to share with her ... which I too feel is the right thing to do ... though I hope and pray that this doesn't come true ... just be prepared to hear that she too went through the same as you. Just saying, it is quite possible that just like you didn't want to break the news to her fearing that you might impact her, she too might be checking on you (without sharing her news) because she had the same experience and wants to make sure you are fine. Going by the strikingly close similarity in your experiences so far, just felt that both of you might have stayed together through this last experience as well though I sincerely wish you hear that she is fine. Maybe she needs your support now more than ever. So you need to share the truth for that reason at least, if not for anything else. Hope for the best and be prepared for the worst! and please do keep us posted. I will include both of you in my prayers!
     
    Anusha2917 likes this.
  9. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,575
    Likes Received:
    7,022
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you for the reply and prayers. Never I want in my wildest thoughts to think anything negative. My prayers are hard for her and to everyone going through any sort of struggle.
    She did message me to say that she booked for a scan this evening . I am looking forward for a positive update from her. :)
     
    Saiabimom, Lalithambigai and Sinant like this.
  10. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,952
    Likes Received:
    11,414
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    You are a great soul, wonderful friend and your friend L should be very happy and proud to have you around as her friend.
    Sorry about your MC, and my prayers for you to hold your bundle of joy very soon. Stay hopeful and positive.

    For the question above, I would suggest you to be honest here. It isn't difficult for a friend (a connected soul) to guess that something is wrong from the other side when something is actually wrong. In your case, your weird behavior, silence and anything that you pretend before L, would actually tell her that you are not OK.
    Either she would guess that you have a problem with your pregnancy or problem with her friendship. Nothing else.
    Both can equally upset her. So, there is no use of blocking her in whatsapp or insta for any reason.

    Be open with her. Tell her why exactly you decided to stay away from her (and quoting from her previous message like she doesn't wanna hear about MC as it might worry her etc). And give her lots of positivity.

    Beyond that, it is her destiny wherther to continue this journey or end it. God decides that, not you and L.
    And not all the pregnancies vanish just like that upon the mere thought of MC. So, dont worry, dont feel guilt either.
    Stay honest and supportive to your friend L at this time of need.

    And best luck and lots of baby dust to you dear
     

Share This Page