Confused About Pregnancy Announcement At Work. Please Suggest

Discussion in 'Working Women' started by Workingstudent, Oct 9, 2018.

  1. Workingstudent

    Workingstudent Junior IL'ite

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    Hello ladies,

    I would like to get your advice on how to tackle this situation at work. I got a new job at a startup company 6 months back after a 3 year break. The people in the company are very nice. I work at the client's place 4 days a week and from my company on Fridays, because my CEO is that nice to personally request the client as my company is very close to my house and I can avoid a day of long ride - I didn't ask for it, btw. 3 months into my position, I found out I am pregnant. Now I am 13 weeks.

    Now, here is the dilemma. I am starting to show already as technically this is my 3rd pregnancy but hopefully my first living baby (I'm a mom of two angel babies). I took my 3 year break for the angel babies as you might have guessed. I was really depressed and finally got myself back on my feet. There is performance evaluation going on now. Being this early in the job, I don't want to tell anyone until at least 20 weeks. I had a lot of complications last time only after 20 weeks though. If I could hide it till full term, I honestly would.

    There is an option of telling only my CEO, manager and my team (luckily a very small team working remotely) and asking my CEO to not tell any of the coworkers as I am worried it will get jinxed this time and also, to avoid all the awkwardness afterwards if things don't go as planned. I don't want to go around telling my coworkers that this is not my first and the whole emotional roller coaster thereafter. I also want to avoid any surprise baby showers, or gifts or "OMG! She is pregnant" announcements on the corridors.

    Should I wait for the 20 week mark, the fear being I will show very obviously and people will actually wait for me to tell them. Or should I bite the bullet and tell my CEO, manager, team and clients now.

    Also, should I ask my CEO if I can work from my client office which is very quite instead of working from company office on Fridays to avoid the coworkers drama or will he think I am a nutcase.

    Any inputs on this will be of immense help, ladies!

    Thank you in advance!
     
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Your dilemma is understandable. You have to balance being professional with your wish to announce it only after the 20 week mark.

    Asking anyone to "not tell" is not worth it. Puts them in a dicey spot. For example, if someone asks them, 'hey do you think Workingstudent is pregnant?', they'd not know how to respond. A personal news shared with a "don't tell" is fine with personal friends, not at work.

    Don't give up the easy Friday commute. The benefit of giving it up will be very short-term.

    I think if performance evaluations are on, then the question of your plans and goals for the year will come up. Not mentioning pregnancy now could look odd later when you do.

    I would suggest bite the bullet. Tell CEO, manager and those who absolutely need to know. Add something to the effect that you are keeping it low-key and will celebrate when the doctor says "it's a boy/girl." Prepare a few neutral responses to the expected comments from all. Rehearse delivering them lightly. Like, when asked 'are you expecting?', look down at your tummy exaggeratedly, and wagging your finger at it, "well guess what I am! And this time young lady/man, you stay put till it is time to come out!" Follow that up with a very succinct half-serious comment that will communicate what you want the reaction to be (no hoo haa etc).

    The awkwardness that you are dreading cannot really be avoided. Overall, have some faith in the compassion and good sense of people.

    You could identify whomever you are closest to at client site and your company, and briefly tell them your preference to avoid spotlight. Such word tends to get around.

    The positive of having to share before you are ready to is that when you need leave or more flexibility in work, it might be easier.

    Good Luck.
     
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  3. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Congratulations and here's to wishing you a healthy pregnancy!
    Wait for 20 weeks, given your prior medical history. Most people at my workplace announce only then or even later. If you are in the US then this is the fall season and you can dress strategically to cover up a bump: loose tops, cardigans and bulky sweaters, leggings+tunic etc. It doesn't matter if you think you are showing. Until you announce no one should be asking you. It's only a few more weeks that you have to keep mum anyway.
    As long as you are able to keep to your regular work hours and don't have to take time off due to medical appointments or morning sickness I would wait.
     
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  4. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    MalStrom's suggestion is better and straightforward.
     
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  5. Workingstudent

    Workingstudent Junior IL'ite

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    Thank you for your suggestions. I completely agree with not wanting to give up on the easy commute once a week.

    Other things I missed out on my initial post are, I had a sudden bleed at 21 weeks last time and was rushed to the ER and was in the hospital for close to a month. My worry about not telling them soon enough is I have stepped into my 2nd trimester and in case of any complications like last time, being a very high risk pregnancy, wouldn't it be awkward and not cool to send them an email saying I am pregnant and in the hospital?
     
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2018
  6. Workingstudent

    Workingstudent Junior IL'ite

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    Thank you for your wishes and your suggestions! Luckily, I am enjoying the fall layers more than ever. I finally went and bought myself some maternity work pants this weekend as I am not comfortable in my regular clothes anymore. I take 20 minutes just pondering over what to wear each day.

    I love that people don't ask you until you spill the beans. My SIL who also had a very similar situation like mine 10 years ago, managed to keep mum till 7 months. She was obviously showing but who could ask a woman if she was pregnant or just put on a few more pounds, though she had a bump and not fat at 7 months. But she was in the company at a much senior position and for many years. In my case, I am still very new to the company.

    I have been very lucky to get flexible working hours for the most part and I have never experienced morning sickness in any of my pregnancies. I made it through the first trimester like a breeze. I take the first doctor appointments and show up to work by 10 and it is pretty much a norm at my work place to be at work by 10. But I might have to go for more frequent appointments, frequent being may be every week, as I have to visit my OBGYN once every two weeks and a MFM once every two weeks, so that's typically every week. MFMs take 3 hours some days and I have my first, starting this week. I took a half day this time, but having to do that every two weeks will raise suspicions.

    The other thing I might have missed to mention is, my client team manager and my mentor/team member from my company know about my history. They happened to ask me about my 3 year gap in the interview and I told them about taking a break to start a family. Both of them are very compassionate and have very young kids of their own. And later in a casual setting, they learnt I don't have any kids. The irony is my client manager also lost two of his own and he mentioned it during another incident for which he had to take leave and I had to take over for him. All these things, I see are in my favor to push the announcement further, as they would totally understand my hesitations for not announcing sooner.
     
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