Do you think it is wise to plan for kids at this point? I have been married for 6 years, have a fairly good husband, cares about me and I care about him. We are very different and opposite personalities with really no common interests. His patience and my commitment towards him no matter what has kept this relationship going all these years. He is a good human being, cares about his family, me & has general complaints about my parents. Overall, I usually take it very lightly whenever he complains about my parents as I believe it has do with cultural difference. He is from North India and I am from South. One of the major complaints he has is that my parents and his parents are not best friends. Being from 2 cultural back grounds, I don’t understand how someone can be fully in frequency with each other. I accept their differences and it doesn’t bother me. But he expects the parents to be in same frequency, hang around with each other and ignoring the whole world. His biggest complaint is that my parents give more importance to our relatives (my dad’s brothers etc) more than his parents. I wouldn’t say both sides hate each other, but don’t like certain behaviors’ of each other, which is think is mainly due to cultural differences. This is one of the most bothering things in his mind that he always talks to me about and I don’t know how to fix it. I tried explaining to my parents to pay special attention to his parents. My parents call them every other week or so, and on festivals and are formal but they cannot act like best friends; Hum Aapke Hai Kohn movie types. My husband doesn’t understand this and this is a painful point in his heart. We got married through a matrimony website; initial few months prior to marriage was fairly OK due to initial excitement of being with each other and talking to each other etc. My expectations from the beginning have been always the same about him. I wanted a guy who would love me, care about me, be romantic w/me, show physical interest in me etc. I was the one who initiated any physical relationship with him during our courtship like kissing etc and he responded. During the initial days of our marriage, we used to be intimate (I would say the first week or so). However, I didn’t sense it very strongly coming from my husband due to any attraction towards me. It was like “we are now married and this is one of the tasks we have to perform”. I didn’t sense it then, but gradually, our intimacy died down to once a week, then once a month, then once every few months and after the first year of our marriage, completely stopped. During that time, we used to have many fights due to incompatibility. It was mostly due to my frustration of no intimacy which lowered my confidence to zero and I used to pick up fights for silly things. Even now, he still never understands how important it was for me. It is not just sex but the feeling of being wanted, desirable etc. I never got that from him, not before or after marriage. My fights on intimacy continued but reduced as years passed by as I started looking at good things we both have like his patience, caring etc. I decided to stop fighting about this, but it was always in the back of my mind that I wanted to feel how others feel, being in love, feeling romantic towards each other, feel desirable etc. Then I convinced myself that it is not what life is all about and started noticing good things about him. We weren’t intimate all these years at all, it has been 4.5 yrs. According to him, the reason he doesn’t feel that way about me is because I am not very humble, aggressive in nature etc. During all these years, I changed significantly, I don’t pick up any fights, am humble, try not be aggressive etc. However, he doesn’t think I changed enough. And add parents discussion to this is like putting ghee on fire. The topic never ends and all my efforts of being humble and submissive go down the drain. . However the relationship continued as is, and we are living like good friends & good roomates. I think I love him because I don’t think I can live without him. But it is not the kind of love that one would want for his spouse. I don’t feel anything towards him that way, mainly due to his lack of interest in me. So I care about him but don’t see him in those terms. Lately, parents from both sides have been pressurizing us for kids. I will be 31 this year and my biological clock is ticking. I really want to have kids and lately I had noticed that he wants kids too. One day, I felt very bad, cried so much and said that I don’t care what problems we have between each other but we don’t have too much time to try to fix things but need to start planning for children as I turned 30. That made him realize a bit and he said we should start planning for children. Therefore, we started to try to be intimate. However, it has to be me who has to initiate. Even I initiate, we don’t drive it to completion. Either he feels hot and stops it, or gets too tired trying. It is like “we have to do this task as we both want to have children”. I feel soooo bad that we have to do it this way. Is it really worth having children when we have such problems? If he doesn’ t feel attracted towards me nor I do anymore? I cannot think about divorce because I don’t think I can live without him. If I am away from him, I always think about if he ate on time, came back home on time etc. If we are ever away he calls me everyday to talk whats going one and we talk multiple times in a day when both are at work. Is that love? Is that love because we have been together so long and got used to each other? Can this part of love ever turn to romantic love? If so, how? I don’t know what else to do really. I feel like I changed for him a lot, but my original expectation of him that I want to feel desirable, attractive never goes away. I explained to him several times, but he thinks of this as a complain. He says, I am starting this topic just to pick up a fight and ruin his weekend. He says just give him space and he will try. I tried giving him space for the past 4.5 yrs? IEven if I fought about it in those first 2 years, I gave him full space for atleast 2.5 years. Isn’t that enough? I used to get so frustrated in nights, would cry and sleep. Am I wrong in my expectations? How should I fix this? Last month, we planned to do it every day. This is how we planned it, “We need to plan for kids soon, we will have to try this year, keeping differences aside, let’s try everyday”. I can sense that he feels like it is a daunting task and wants to try but wants to skip if he gets a chance. We started planning from last month, but probably did 3 times and never finished. All the other days, either he was tired or I was tired, went to friends place and came late and want to sleep. All those 3 times, we never finished either. We plan to do it, then with some reason or other try procrastinating it and sleep. Today, I brought up this topic of my expectation and again he was pissed that I always complain and just went to sleep. Is it really worth it to try just for kids? Or shouId I just wait until he feels that way about me which I don’t know if he ever will? I am not sure how to fix this situation? I am really afraid of future, really feel sad that I may never be able to have kids? Is there anything I can do to fix this?