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Confessions Of A Lazy Bum -- Oj's "she" Series #7

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by ojaantrik, Jul 8, 2016.

  1. ojaantrik

    ojaantrik IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks to Kamal, I stopped shaving for the last few days. Not that he lured me in that direction. But he did tell me that he had been feeling too lazy even to write his delightful blogs. His assertion had a drastic impact on me. I began to feel lazy. The first step I took towards nurturing my laziness was to stop shaving in the morning.

    So a stubble began to take shape. Mostly white. Black specs were there too, but you might need a microscope to detect them. Within a few days it was reasonably clear that I had stopped shaving. The first person to comment on it was she.

    She asked me over breakfast -- Why aren't you shaving?

    Me -- Kamal has not been writing blogs.

    She -- So?

    Silence and then conversation resumes.

    She -- Why are you growing that disgusting beard? Do people stop shaving if Kamal doesn't write blogs?

    Me -- No, I suppose they don't. He wrote one today. After a long interval.

    She -- Then you should have shaved. You need not mourn his blogs anymore.

    Me -- I am not mourning Kamal's blogs anymore.

    She -- But I thought you just said that ...

    Me -- I did not.

    She -- You did not what ?

    Me -- Say what you thought I just said.

    She -- What did I think you just said?

    Me -- I am mourning Kamal's blogs.

    She -- But you did say that you are not shaving because Kamal has not been writing blogs.

    Me -- No. I did not say "because". I just said what I said.

    She frowned at me, probably searching in her mind for what they call a heavy blunt instrument in murder mysteries. I think she couldn't locate one nearby. So she increased the intensity of her interrogation.

    She -- Well, is there a "because" at all?

    Me -- Yes.

    She -- Out with it!

    Me -- Kamal has been ...

    Interruption.

    She -- But you have already said that.

    Me -- No, I had said Kamal has not been ... I did not say Kamal has been ... Search backwards. It is there.

    She -- I don't have a recorder.

    Pause. Then a sudden question. She is too inquisitive for peace to prevail.

    She -- What has Kamal been, as opposed to not been?

    Me -- Kamal has been feeling lazy.

    She -- So?

    She is repetitive. She had already said "So?"

    Me -- I felt lazy too.

    She -- You are not writing blogs anymore. OK. The world won't miss your stupid blogs. But I asked why you are not shaving.

    Me -- I told you.

    She -- You didn't.

    Me -- I did. I said I am feeling lazy.

    She -- You are feeling too lazy to shave?

    Me -- Yes. You got the point. Pretty smart of you.

    I think she was eyeing around for that blunt instrument once more. Failed.

    She -- Kamal doesn't write blogs when he feels lazy. And you stop shaving when you feel lazy. I see. Has Kamal stopped shaving too.

    Me -- Probably not. I was speaking to him over the phone this morning. He didn't sound unshaven.

    She -- How does an unshaven man sound?

    Me -- Like Cheeniya.

    She -- What's Cheeniya got to do with all this?

    Me -- He doesn't shave.

    She -- But I thought it was Kamal who was responsible for this tragic make up you have put on.

    Me -- Good point. It could well be a make up.

    She -- Make up? Who's wearing make up?

    Me -- Cheeniya may be.

    She -- I have never noticed signs of make up on Cheeniya's face.

    Me -- I did.

    Frown again.

    She -- What sort of make up?

    Me -- I suspect he wears a false beard. Actually he hides a clean shaven face under that beard.

    She -- Why should he do that?

    He -- How should I know?

    She -- Did you ask him?

    Me -- I did. But he merely smiled mysteriously. Which makes me more suspicious.

    She -- What crime do you suspect him of?

    Me -- Shaving.

    She -- Why should that be a crime?

    Me -- He does not admit that he shaves.

    She -- Why on earth should he not admit.

    Me -- Don't know. He could be too lazy to admit.

    She -- Cheeniya told you so?

    Me -- Cheeniya rarely tells.

    She -- Tell what?

    Me -- That he is lazy.

    She -- I think all three of you are lazy bums. But you had better shave. Or else, ...

    Suddenly her eyes looked very confident, instead of confused. This was a clear indication that the blunt instrument had been found.

    She -- Either you shave, or I will make you ...

    Most alarming. The unknown threat.

    Me -- Make me what? Shave Cheeniya?

    There was a bit of commotion after this. I ran for my life as she chased me with a ...

    I had locked myself inside the bathroom and begun to shave. I don't know exactly what that blunt instrument was.
     
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  2. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear OJ-da, I see that it is very easy indeed to influence your behaviour. Kamalji feels lazy to write, so you don't shave. "She" runs after you with a blunt instrument, so you run virtually after these two poor guys - Kamalji and Cheeniya and have an ace time blaming them as well as pulling their legs. You had me in splits - enough for "him" to ask why I was laughing and demanding to hear the snippet! Which is quite an achievement indeed.
     
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  3. ashima10

    ashima10 Platinum IL'ite

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    Lying lazily on bed with tea tray beside this thread was one of the best good mornings !!
    In my marriage the lazy bum is me..Mr Husband complains the same things like I have heard from my mom to dad.
    Some say Iam lucky , some -women only.

    Nice write up , you made me imagine you,kamal Sir andCheeniya Sir.
    Three of you lying lazily chatting about atrocities of wife and yeah world too!
     
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  4. GoogleGlass

    GoogleGlass IL Hall of Fame

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    ha ha ha

    oj-da hilarious sorry shavealazious :)

    time all three of you rest your lazy bums under a tree as below:

    india-mumbai-maharashtra-portable-barber-shop-under-a-tree-with-the-B1MNPF.jpg
     
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  5. Itsmylife143

    Itsmylife143 Platinum IL'ite

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    You made my day!! Smiling!! After reading this i thought to shave immediately ;)
     
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  6. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear OJ sir,
    I am laughing and laughing in splits!!!!!
    Trying to learn some maths....
    Kamalji shaves and but has become lazy to write a blog.
    Cheeniya sir has a beard consistently (we cannot imagine him in any other way) but in writing blogs he becomes inconsistent now and then and that frequency is increasing now a days.
    You in sympathy of your friends do not shave like Cheeniya but writing often (now I can guess why some of your
     
  7. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

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  8. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

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    Sometimes FB is behaving odd. I was typing, in the middle it suddenly disappeared. I searched but could not find. Again typed and when clicked the above incomplete one is also there. Sorry.
    Syamala
     
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  9. SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

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    :worship2: to your wife. She is really patient. Lucky you.
    Had this happened in my home, I would have had blood on my hands


     
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  10. GoogleGlass

    GoogleGlass IL Hall of Fame

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    lol

    shyamala your writings got inspired and instead of autosave went on autoshave mode :)
     

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