Confessions Of A Lazy Bum -- Oj's "she" Series #7

Thanks to Kamal, I stopped shaving for the last few days. Not that he lured me in that direction. But he did tell me that he had been feeling too lazy even to write his delightful blogs. His assertion had a drastic impact on me. I began to feel lazy. The first step I took towards nurturing my laziness was to stop shaving in the morning.

So a stubble began to take shape. Mostly white. Black specs were there too, but you might need a microscope to detect them. Within a few days it was reasonably clear that I had stopped shaving. The first person to comment on it was she.

She asked me over breakfast -- Why aren't you shaving?

Me -- Kamal has not been writing blogs.

She -- So?

Silence and then conversation resumes.

She -- Why are you growing that disgusting beard? Do people stop shaving if Kamal doesn't write blogs?

Me -- No, I suppose they don't. He wrote one today. After a long interval.

She -- Then you should have shaved. You need not mourn his blogs anymore.

Me -- I am not mourning Kamal's blogs anymore.

She -- But I thought you just said that ...

Me -- I did not.

She -- You did not what ?

Me -- Say what you thought I just said.

She -- What did I think you just said?

Me -- I am mourning Kamal's blogs.

She -- But you did say that you are not shaving because Kamal has not been writing blogs.

Me -- No. I did not say "because". I just said what I said.

She frowned at me, probably searching in her mind for what they call a heavy blunt instrument in murder mysteries. I think she couldn't locate one nearby. So she increased the intensity of her interrogation.

She -- Well, is there a "because" at all?

Me -- Yes.

She -- Out with it!

Me -- Kamal has been ...

Interruption.

She -- But you have already said that.

Me -- No, I had said Kamal has not been ... I did not say Kamal has been ... Search backwards. It is there.

She -- I don't have a recorder.

Pause. Then a sudden question. She is too inquisitive for peace to prevail.

She -- What has Kamal been, as opposed to not been?

Me -- Kamal has been feeling lazy.

She -- So?

She is repetitive. She had already said "So?"

Me -- I felt lazy too.

She -- You are not writing blogs anymore. OK. The world won't miss your stupid blogs. But I asked why you are not shaving.

Me -- I told you.

She -- You didn't.

Me -- I did. I said I am feeling lazy.

She -- You are feeling too lazy to shave?

Me -- Yes. You got the point. Pretty smart of you.

I think she was eyeing around for that blunt instrument once more. Failed.

She -- Kamal doesn't write blogs when he feels lazy. And you stop shaving when you feel lazy. I see. Has Kamal stopped shaving too.

Me -- Probably not. I was speaking to him over the phone this morning. He didn't sound unshaven.

She -- How does an unshaven man sound?

Me -- Like Cheeniya.

She -- What's Cheeniya got to do with all this?

Me -- He doesn't shave.

She -- But I thought it was Kamal who was responsible for this tragic make up you have put on.

Me -- Good point. It could well be a make up.

She -- Make up? Who's wearing make up?

Me -- Cheeniya may be.

She -- I have never noticed signs of make up on Cheeniya's face.

Me -- I did.

Frown again.

She -- What sort of make up?

Me -- I suspect he wears a false beard. Actually he hides a clean shaven face under that beard.

She -- Why should he do that?

He -- How should I know?

She -- Did you ask him?

Me -- I did. But he merely smiled mysteriously. Which makes me more suspicious.

She -- What crime do you suspect him of?

Me -- Shaving.

She -- Why should that be a crime?

Me -- He does not admit that he shaves.

She -- Why on earth should he not admit.

Me -- Don't know. He could be too lazy to admit.

She -- Cheeniya told you so?

Me -- Cheeniya rarely tells.

She -- Tell what?

Me -- That he is lazy.

She -- I think all three of you are lazy bums. But you had better shave. Or else, ...

Suddenly her eyes looked very confident, instead of confused. This was a clear indication that the blunt instrument had been found.

She -- Either you shave, or I will make you ...

Most alarming. The unknown threat.

Me -- Make me what? Shave Cheeniya?

There was a bit of commotion after this. I ran for my life as she chased me with a ...

I had locked myself inside the bathroom and begun to shave. I don't know exactly what that blunt instrument was.