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Concept of perfect husband - What i wanted and what i needed

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Esspe, Dec 12, 2008.

  1. Esspe

    Esspe New IL'ite

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    Hi All

    I read the December forum is my favorite Marriage,Spouse & In-Laws , i frequent it the most, though i have not been very active. But the topic of the contest was like the catalyst to bring me back some happy memories of mine before and after marriage. Which i had conveniently forgotten and hence stopped counting my blessings.
    I wud want to share with u all how concept of a perfect husband changed for me before and after my marriage.

    I hav an arranged marriage, prior to the marriage i was going thru the usual rollercoaster of emotions, how will i know who is the right guy, what if i tk a wrong decision, then i m finished, how can i make such a huge lifetime decision in 1-2 meetings (thats all is allowed in our families), why shud i leave it luck etc etc.
    Then finally i pictured my perfect guy in my mind n chose to stick to it:
    here was that list
    Goodlooking,(tops the list)
    Slim n fit
    Not a foodie ( i can't cook to save myself)
    Good with words, (basically shud be able to charm me with his talk)
    Down to earth
    Very romantic
    Very outgoing
    VEry expressive with feelings( showers me with gifts and flowers)
    Very impressive ( to make ur frds envious n can be showed off)
    Good dancer ( coz i m one, so he shud b able to give me company)

    The list was longer but i will keep to the main ones. can u see how my choice was focussed on the external appearance

    Let me now tell u what i got-
    OK looking
    Short ( tall by no means)
    Slightly paunchy( he is a foodie)
    Down to earth - yes
    Romantic Yes
    Introvert and Shy totally unexpressive with words , expresses only with action
    Can manage the dancing part

    So i did not get the perfect guy, u wud say.
    NOPE, i got the bestest guy i cud have , coz the list above is what i wanted not what i needed
    Here is the what i needed-
    -Loads of unconditional love
    -Patient with my short temper
    -Takes charge when i give up - caring for our 9 month old, managing the kitchen ( he is an expert) and me (No gratifying me for what does for me ever)
    -Not demanding but accomodating
    -Sometimes Understands me without my saying a word
    -No comparisons with his mom ( even tho he likes her cooking better)
    -No questions on expenses, no issues with my friends who r guys
    -Doesnt add fuel to fire when we fight, but pours water on it.

    Enough and more for me to feel happy abt and be grateful to God abt for a lifetime.Small issues n diffrences r always there, in laws, relatives, where r they not, rather its us who can make the issues big or small. But this is the larger picture n i chose to look at and be grateful abt it.

    how he looks to me is all abt what he has made me feel, rather than howthe world wud judge him.

    I just thank God he did not give me the PERFECT GUY that i wanted, but the one Who Perfectly fitted what i needed.

    Thanks to all who started this competition,that i gave myself time to count my blessings all over again

    To all who r yet to get married ask God to give what u need and not what u want. Trust me He does a better job at it than we can.

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