Compromise versus conviction

kanaka · Dec 4, 2007

My husband always say people compromise when they are not sure about themselves, when you lack conviction on what you practice or know.
I beg to disagree with him. He always insist on logical conclusions. after a critical analysis. But i say life cannot be put into a test tube for analysis observation and conclusions.
To me in life 2+2=5 or sometimes 3. He gets amused over this statement of mine.
I feel when we compromise we give element of probability a chance.There is courage in compromise., there is greatness. It shows the capacity to tolerate "otherviews" or respect a thinking to which you would not subscribe to but give room for that also.
We are married happily for 30 years but this - he with all his scientific temperment and I with all my -- argument continues and will continue-- -- - - -- --don't know what to say. I leave it to you all to fill in. Comment. kanaka

Vidya24 · Dec 4, 2007

Kanaka,

For some strange reason, I was thinking on this topic today. Your words made my confused thinking a lot clearer.

I agree with both you and your husband. I think both of you are right in your own way. I believe a lot in compromise. There have been times when I was forced to compromise. Not by anyone or circumstances, but compromise was the only sane way to proceed. In such situations, I have lowered my expectations etc, but the outcomes have always been satisfactory. I think I compromised not because I lacked conviction or because I lacked hope. I feel I compromised cos I was practical and had faith. In God and myself and a few like parents, husband who never let me down.

As you say, in my life 2+2 has been 5, 3, 0, 22. In fact, i would be amazed if a 2+2 situation in my life turned out to be 4.

I was just thinking of a compromise vs conviction situation wrt love and marriage this morning. When we are young, yet to be married, we wish to find someone who is perfect. Should hold a good degree from a good university, have a good job, look great, sing--- the wishlist is endless. When we eventually find someone, we realise the person is not perfect, does not fit all our specifications. We do marry them since we cannot live in la la land with a dream guy. I am sure we feel a bit weak in such times that we have compromised, set our bars lower.

But five, ten years down the lane, when you see the same loved one, you do not at all feel that you have compromised. You love the person knowing fully what his gaps are, what his flaws are. Still, they do not matter to you anymore and you do not feel that you have compromised. You feel that you have your convictions firmly rooted and you have done right.

Sorry, if I am digressing. Good post,Kanaka.

Ria2006 · Dec 5, 2007

Well said Kanaka :bowdown :bowdown :bowdown
30 years of "married " Wisdom :bowdown :bowdown :bowdown can never be wrong.

That was my lighter way of putting,I so agree with you.

However I put it this way..

Only STRONG CONVICTIONS can empower people to do BIG compromises in life.
Everything else falls in between of this one line for me. Smaller compromises may sense of lack of confidence , low self worth or anything negative.

But I would forever salute a strong conviction which help us raise above ourselves and make this world a little better place.
Few instances:

In army there is group of young officers, who ONLY marry war widows. I think their compromise smell of strong conviction that life be respected more than a concept of only brand new gal for marriage for an eligible guy.

Then in delhi I used to visit one retired colonel, who lost his son in Kargil war, guy was 25 years old and it was his first posting in first year of job. I once asked uncle why he still allowed to his second son, (now the only son) to still join army. To that he said this pain of loosing son is nothing compared to proud of having done something for Mother India. If he had 100 sons , he would force all of them to join army. Thats strong CONVICTION, which is forcing uncle to COMPROMISE with the reality of loosing his son.

Then for another instance, one of our family friend. Their eldest son was very handsome and well educated guy. He got married to very pretty gal. within 2 years of marriage they had fateful road accident. His wife lost both of her legs up to thighs. Whole family wanted him to dispose off the wife, somehow divorce her. Get the ugly crippling patch out of beautiful family. He told his parents, "If in some accident,this would have happened to you, and my wife was asking me to leave you both. I WOULD NEVER LEAVE YOU TOO. I would rather leave that wife, who wont show mercy and love for my dear ones. This is what you have tought me. And I am not going to leave my wife. If she is ugly patch then I am also ugly patch." I have seen that guy literally do everything in household. And now they are married for 10 years with 2 kids. Thats STRONG CONVICTION which helped this guy to pull off the BIG COMPROMISE.

:hatsoff So Hats off to people and their strong conviction.

sunkan · Dec 6, 2007

i agree with others here kanaka,
only a strong conviction can allow a compromise and i live by it, bringing up the children alone is my conviction, and again doing it alone as no other option is my compromise..sunkan