Completed term & troubles by family people

re: Completed term & troubles by family people

Hi,

Congrats for your baby boy!!!!

I am not here to give you any advice or to give solution to your problem, as i am not enough matured in it....surely many IL's ladies will help you...

But don't become tension, stressed yourself.. as you and your baby should be good in this time.. so don't listen whatever your inlaws says (atleast till you deliver your baby).

My best wishes for you!!!:thumbsup

 

re: Completed term & troubles by family people

Soudiya

I think that it's terrible that at a time when family members are supposed to be giving you love and support, they choose to instead focus on their selfish and immature needs and play games with your feelings and emotions.

Yes, pregnancy is a time when hormones can cause mood swings and intense emotions, but that is no reason for anyone (especially your husband) to dismiss or ignore your feelings. Like Gitunandakumar says, you should be doing your best to keep calm right now. However, that will be impossible with your MIL goading you and taunting you. We cannot magically remain calm when other people are deliberately causing stress in our lives.

What she is doing is WRONG, and I can't emphasise this enough. I cannot understand what you have to do with whether her son is calling her or not. She should LEAVE YOU OUT of that and let you live your life and concentrate on your baby and your health. If she wants to speak to her son, she can call him or ask him why he is not calling her. Why are you the go-between?

It is, in my opinion, irresponsible of your husband to allow this to happen. If he is busy at work, let him tell her that. She is his mother, not yours, and I cannot see why you must act as a translator or peacekeeper between them. Please ask your husband to start fulfilling his familial obligations to his mother and to relieve you of your task of running interference for him. If he does not want to talk to her, that is his and her problem. Please let both of them know this as soon as possible.

What she said to you about you not being the first person to give birth is absolutely reprehensible. She is displaying an incredible lack of tact and seems to be a selfish, heartless woman. I know that is a harsh judgement for me to make based on one statement of hers, but it really is your right to tell ANYONE who is bothering you now that their behaviour is stressing you out. If they are grown-up and at all concerned with your welfare, they would immediately back off. No one in their right mind would deliberately pick fights with pregnant women or cause them stress.

I'm not sure why you have to stay with her for three months. Is it too late to make other plans? If she is behaving like this now, then I cannot see how or why she would change for the better once the baby is born. You are so close to your due date that I'm not sure you should even be trying to solve this problem - you have more important things to concentrate on.

The best advice I can give you is to speak to your husband honestly about what is going on, and ask for his help. Let him stop hiding behind you from his mother, and ask him to start protecting you from her instead. No matter how busy he is at work, your baby is more important, or should be more important, than anything else in his life right now. Get him to make his mother back off. It is as much his responsibility as yours to ensure you have a safe and happy delivery, and that you bring your child into an environment that is free of stress and strain.

Some of what I have said here may seem harsh, or you may feel I am insulting your husband and MIL. But it makes me furious when pregnant women (or any women, for that matter) are treated in this manner by people who are supposed to be their main caretakers. We are not breeders whose main job it is to pop out children while taking flak from troublemakers left, right, and centre. Your MIL is using this sensitive time in your life to manipulate you and take advantage of your vulnerabilities. Only you and your husband can stop her childish behaviour. I wish you the best of luck in putting your foot down and asserting your rights - your baby deserves a mother who is happy and healthy and best able to care for him.

 

re: Completed term & troubles by family people

Soudiya.. i can really feel for you coz i am undergoing this problem myself now. but at least for me, its the second pregnancy.. wondering how ur mil can be like this even when she knows this is ur first pregnancy. or probably she thinks u ll feel better telling all those things on she giving birth to 2 children and ur mom giving birth to children. maybe her tone is just not right for your mood.

But.. if u take these things to heart now, you are the sufferer. so stay away from her as much as possible. 3 months of staying with her is going to be tough too. she is going to give you commands on what you should do or not do with ur child. her advice as a senior would be helpful to you most of the times. but be prepared for all the unnecessary additions she is going to offer you. a young mother always has an escape from anyone.. go into your room to feed your LO and stay away from them as much as possible. you will be too busy to bother about them in these 3 months. so dont worry much and keep yourself cool. Share with us the good news soon !

 

re: Completed term & troubles by family people

hi soudiya,
hey cool....congrats on your pregnancy.in every family the same boat is sailing.this is the time u should be very relaxed and enjoy the little movements of your babe.if u cant avoid their phone calls tell them that you are tired or sleeping or bathing or eating...something like that and tell them that u wil cal later.you make a call when your hubby is with you.speak few words and give to him to speak.dont feel bad at this time.speak with your baby about good things be sure not about this.if u feel sad your will sad so always be happy.if u want smiling baby then keep smiling.
bye

 

re: Completed term & troubles by family people

hi,

Congrats on your pregency...

I can understand your worries.Pls dont not take your MIL serious.I am not sure why you have to stay with your MIL??is it possible that u can go to your mom's house???i am not sure about that..but check the options if possible..passify your husband and tell him that u would be more confortable in your mom's place or any other relative close to u and who can take care of u. Tell him that you dont want your MIL to be worked up with all baby work.Normally son dont like their mother to be troubled.So he might agree for this reason.and i am sure once u settle in mom's house in early stage then you can continue by saying other reason like doctor is nearby,child got used to your mom place..alll that..
If u are in out side country or something..if your MIL is visiting u then get your mom also so that she cannot open her mouth.

I yet to be blessed with a baby.so i am exactly not sure if i am right.Pls ignore if anything is wrong.

ALL THE BEST DEAR.