Me and my hubby face this problem. So I thought pouring it out in open will help us get some useful tips and advice. We have lots of common male and female friends and many cousins from my side. As we interact with them we tend to note some good qualities in them and wish we had it in our spouse. For example I see his friends managing and saving money well. I feel insecured and suggest him to do so too. Sometimes it's not insecurity but plain wish that wish he had that nature in him too. In this manner I see manygood qualities in his friends which I want him to emulate and learn from. He also finds some female friends of his, having good work life balance, cooking exotic dishes, and doing things which I cannot or will take time to. Since I know some of them I try to emulate it myself but hate to hear it from him. I always love to learn from people. If they are doing something better than I do, I look up to them and I am never shy to ask them or admit I dont know and start learning. Now the problem is, both of us hate being compared with people of same sex as us, especially by our spouse. We can withstand our mothers comparing us with them, but cannot take spouse comparing with them. I understand time and wordings help. In wrong mood the ill-effect will be more. Also hurtful words shouls be watched. This is a communication problem. So what can be the solution to such problem. I mean it's not wrong to learn from someone and get inspired for right reasons. Sometimes it's the spouse who points it to us, but why do we get so defensive. Is it true with all of you. How do you deal this ?