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comfort level with DH?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by jaagrutik, Feb 1, 2010.

  1. jaagrutik

    jaagrutik New IL'ite

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    hey friends im new to this forum, i randomally came across this site and im glad actually because ive been thinking about this for some time now. ive been married for just a week with my honeymoon to come but i guess my situation is a little different. im from the uk and did a work placement here in india. this is when i met my dh..and in fact the thing was the he was my boss/is my boss. without knowing my parents and his were friends and so i guess we were set up and we both said yes. guess i liked him but now its really strange because ive married my boss. :coffeeSince we have been married i seem to have a little discomfort i think my dh has noticed and is really good about it and has not confronted me yet but im dreading going back to work. im already having problems in just finding a way to address him at home never mind our interaction in an office environment. I guess the ice hasn't melted between us and thats why there is this feeling but any of you ladies had this feeling after getting married. what is your comfort level with you husband?
    jaagruti
     
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  2. Tara09

    Tara09 New IL'ite

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    Jaagrutik,

    CONGRATS on you marriage.

    Though I have not been in this situation neither have known anyone like this but I can imagine your discomfort. I can only say that with time you will learn how to ease into this situation......taking him to be husband at home and boss at work. Yeah! quite an interesting situation!!

    Talk to your husband about your discomfort and always keep open communication with him. With practice of calling him differently at each place and with each day passing you will be more used to this way of life. So cheers!!:cheers
    You will be more comfortable with him......just wait till your honeymoon is over!!!!! :)




    :thumbsup
    Tara
     
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2010
  3. jaagrutik

    jaagrutik New IL'ite

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    thanks for the congrats and the advise. made me feel alot more better but its still something that im hoping your right about. i think its even more strange now that im living with him in a different country, its a huge change of lifestyle. At the moment it seems to be just the intial days and so i think your right that things will develop but i guess ive not be able to tell him yet about how i feel. i think he knows though!:wink: ive just been waiting for him to approch the topic i think after spending more time with him, even getting to know him more things will improve. thanks though really appreciate your help.
     
  4. Vandanaa

    Vandanaa New IL'ite

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    Hi Jaagrutik
    Congratulations and wishes for a very Happy Married life.

    Of course i have not been in a situation like you but i have seen people/couples in this situation. some good things that happen in such cases

    1.Boss Spouse is always supportive
    2.Oppurtunity to spend time together and know more about each other.
    3.If job requires travelling,both can travel together

    Still if u think u need your private space there is always a chance you can get a transfer to a different branch in same city or move to a different project.

    And comfort level will certainly increase more and more when days pass by and since it is a Love marriage i hope you would get to more pretty level of comfort zone sooner..
    All the Best.
     
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2010
  5. jaagrutik

    jaagrutik New IL'ite

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    ......Aw thanks for highlighting the good points! not thought about them yet but yes i have thought about the possibitly of swoping projects but i dont want to seem like i'm taking strong steps like that in the start of our relationships. im sure my dh wouldnt mind but i like my workplace have friends there. As for comfort level and it being a love marriage, i would say its more half and half i think its kind of edging to the arranged side as i really didnt have much interaction with him before saying yes to the marriage. the only interaction was probably the boss and employee type so you can see where my nerousness comes in. At work there were times that i really wished that the boss wasnt around/not in a bad way but like any workplace the boss is a little intimidating in that environment and now im married to him so you can see my worry. thank you very much for highlighting the good things though!!:) jaagruti
     
  6. ushae

    ushae Silver IL'ite

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    If he supports you in office even on valid reason, it will be construed by others differently
     
  7. jaagrutik

    jaagrutik New IL'ite

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    Exactly thats what i mean, but i dont think that this will directly effect me because there are other levels of mangagement below him so i wont really have direct interaction but of course there will be times when i do and i dont want this interaction to be taken in the wrong way. i have a set of friends whom i work with who are a couple but they work on the same level and so dont have this problem where as in my situation there is the case of authority.
     
  8. jaagrutik

    jaagrutik New IL'ite

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    hey friends for all who replyed to my post yesterday thank you. you helped me solve my query. like most of you suggested i spoke to him about my feelings. ive got to say it took some effort from my side because im a bit passive like that but i told him about this worry of mine and his reply made me laugh a little. i asked him if i could ask him something and his reply was.."pati se pooch naa chahti ho ya boss se?." His reply kind of answered my worries. we disscused this worry of mine and he reassured me that i would get used to things and he would like to keep work at work and home at home which is exactly what i feel. amongst all that i told him everything about how i'm unsure about this crossover of boss and husband how i should address him ect and he was so good aobut and it understood the full.:):thumbsup. th conversation seemed to make me feel alot better yet i did notice that like you guys mentioned as the days go on you get more attached.
    So thank you guys..!!!!!!
     
  9. Tara09

    Tara09 New IL'ite

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    Very apt! Your hubby is surely one smart guy!!

    So, that answers all your worries. Good Job!!! you opened up with him.
    That is the key to good marriage. Keep open communication always and you will see how getting along with someone gets to be another easy thing for you. :thumbsup


    Tara
     
  10. jaagrutik

    jaagrutik New IL'ite

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    Aw thanks very much yep guess his one line made everything easy for me!:):) thanks for your advice it did wonders!!!!:thumbsup i think the whole communication thing for me isnt very easy. Dont know what it is but i find it hard to communicate with people that are closer to me than others that i dont really know. I'm the type to keep my feelings to myself and its true sharing your feelings does help!!!
    so thanks your advise really helped me!! :)
     

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