Coins Flipped both happy and sad need suggestions

You are emotionally drained of trying to work on your husband. I dont think you can ever MAKE him respect your family or MAKE him behave well with them.
I totally understand your situation. I would say, just dont bother about what he does with his family..You continue speaking to your parents..And dont let his looks and comments bother you too. If he says something just remind him that your parents are GOD for you too.

 

Agree with gauridinesh.I will add that you continue to behave the way used to behave before the illness. Don't change your behavior because they seem to have suddenly realized your presence. They seem to have realized that they need you people in their life now that they are older .Just behave normal and ignore husband's sudden change in behavior.

You keep in touch with your parents.let husband know respect and care is not a one way street.

 

I am going to piss of a lot of people but if you think calmly about it, it is the truth...

The reason that your inlaws get more respect is because your husbands wants to be respected, while you sold your parent's respect for a few sweet words and peace of mind. This is your fault that your parents are treated like this.

If you aren't nice to your inlaws, there are consequences. But if your parents are treated badly there is none. Your husband has absolutely no incentive to treat your parents well and he isn't decent enough to treat them well.

The first time your parents were treated badly and you didn't stand up for them, you showed by your actions that it was ok. I don't see why you are complaining now. Coz in your list of priorities, respect for them is kinda in the bottom. After all you yourself claim that what you want is peace of mind and less interference and peace, so stop making your parents an issue and you will get the peace of mind.

I probably could have said this same message couched in more understanding words but am not feeling very patient today.

 

My bad, I apologize.

And you have answered your own question. Tell him that you will treat his parents as he treats your parents. And do so...

 

Tell your parents to stop calling him again and again. For every situation, tell them to call only once, that's all. If he doesnt pick up that is his problem. Tell them to leave a vmail, send a text or email expressing concern for formality sake. But only once.

 

Agreed. This might have worked for me. My hubby was a bit like this at the time of marriage - his parents are to be treated like Gods by me while mine dont matter. Though he was never ever disrespectful or anything, but just that the expectations were one-way. i.e. only I need to treat his parents like God, not him.

from day 1, I made clear that I will do unto his parents as he unto mine. And I stuck to it. Never talked to or called his parents more than he called mine. Even when we went to India for 1st time, I declared I will stay at his parents house for the same number of days as he stays at mine. That created a huge story which Ill share some other time.

But the point is being strong and reciprocating from day 1 helped. My husband has come to realise that my parents mean as much to me as his parents to him and does not have unreal expectations. I didnt need to change him, just manage his expectations through my actions and responses.

Also I TOTALLY understand ho husbands become brainwashed after spending time in India and it seem all the "work" you have done on them has gone down the drain. But they will eventually come around again hopefully, so dont give up. Be consistent with your reactions - that is most important. For eg, react EACH time your parents are not shown respect. Dont let 1 or 2 small things here and there pass.

 

Hi making your husband respect your parents is a very difficult task. My MIL brainwashed my DH against them so much he could not stand the sight of them. But the good thing was he never stopped me from having a relationship with them and if he did I would not have listened. Your parents don't live near you so it is more difficult for you. But my DH only started respecting my parents after my mom came to take care of me and my daughter after I had a horrible surgery and could not do anything for my self. My mother for 2 months gave up everything and stayed and cooked and cleaned and took care of everything without asking anything in return. I could not go to bank as I was in so much pain, and my DH was so brainwashed would not go for me, so my mom used her own money to go buy groceries and cook my favourite foods it was horrible. But after that my DH started turning, he saw how much care and love she gave us and he loved the bond between our child and her. He started chaining and started caring for them. He now cares so much for them, even though that drives his parents nuts. What I am trying to say dear is that you can't force your parents on your DH. You also can't be like you don't talk to mine so I won't talk to yours. You have to manage your relationship with your iL based on how they treat you and what their actions are towards you but not based on how your DH treat your parents. They don't sound like great people so I can see why you can't stand them. I know you did the right thing by sending your DH to India, but sometimes it is better if we just stay neutral. I have found that works better, let your DH make his own decisions. I am sure one day your husband will come around but please don't let it impact your relationship with your parents, continue to call write etc, and if that drives him nuts too bad.