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Clever SIL and I am a fool....

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by priti8683, Aug 24, 2009.

  1. priti8683

    priti8683 Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks to everyone.....

    That was not my jewelley...my DH's jewellery(my dad's gift)....after our wedding he removed it and gave it to my MIL....I brought all my jewellery and I have a seperate locker in india so we kept there....only my mom can access that....

    hey my dh didnt save anything for us before marriage...and after marriage he has sent that amount to my Inlaws...

    My dh got a very good pay before marriage....I just calculated and I got tears in my eyes......wow it was too much for my inlaws....


    From past few days my DH has changed a lot....By God's grace he escaped from a very very big trouble...so he started thinking about our future and savings...my MIL again asked for money so he said he dnt have that much..so she asked y u dnt have that much...he felt very bad ...and He told me to talk about this with my MIL and SIL.....

    So I told my Mil.....she was upset and i told about my dh's incident.......the weird part was she didnt even call his son..Now my dh was feeling very bad about his family....he thinks like they just took all the money and no one cares him....

    So my DH has decided to send minimum amount for her wedding and for his parents...


    But I have another doubt.....shall i ask my MIL to talk nicely to my DH? because my DH likes her very much....he used to call everyday...no he dnt want to call them frequently...what should i do?

    once again thanks to everyone....
     
  2. vidhkarthik

    vidhkarthik Bronze IL'ite

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    A word of caution here Priti. Today your husband may be angry towards his mom, but its his blood and it is always thicker. Do not come in between your husband and his mother even if it is to help him. If you do, there is a very high chance it may backfire on you.

    So..My answer would be NO. Do not tell his mother to call him everyday or talk to him often. Quite simply put, its not your business. If you know tamil, " Vambai vilai kuduthu vangadhey".

    The good thing out of this exercise is that your husband has realised that his sister is being OVERRR extravagant and has decided to send only the required amount. Let it remain so. Just ensure that he doesn't give in to their demands later and sends all your savings.
     
  3. saddestiny

    saddestiny Bronze IL'ite

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    Yes, I agree with vidhkarthik.

    Better not interfere between mom and son. Afterall they are blood relatives and will patch up some time or the other. You don't need to intervene and fix their conflicts. Better you stay away.

    Moreover if she talks about money or something with you, just say everything is your DH decision, whatever he wants to send he will send, I don't have much role in this. Hope its good enough for the marriage.

    As for your DH jewellery which he gave to his mom, consider it gone.
    Unless he wants to ask back for it, from his mom, there is no point in you asking her unless you want to end up in another big fight with her. Tell him to ask her if you want it back.

    It happened with me too. My DH does'nt wear bracelet or other fancy jewellery so my parents decided to give him diamond ring which nobody can take away. Earlier in my co-sis marriage, my BIL got bracelet and chain from her parents, which was taken away by my SIL as her brother does'nt like jewellery.

    So act smart and let your DH tell his mom that he wants to keep some good memory of gift from his FIL and he will exchange that jewellery to buy something else that he can wear or keep as gift.

    Others gifts are not to be exchanged or sold away without their permission. Its just bad manners to do so.

    Again, don't argue with her and let your DH handle this one too, that too if HE wants the gold back.
     
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2009
  4. priti8683

    priti8683 Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks to vidhkarthik and happy destiny...

    I will stay away from it...

    So act smart and let your DH tell his mom that he wants to keep some good memory of gift from his FIL and he will exchange that jewellery to buy something else that he can wear or keep as gift.

    I have asked my MIL exactly like u said....and I would like to ask it again in my SIL's wedding trip...y should i leave them....it was my dad's gift....I hope my DH supports for this...

    she talks about money or something with you, just say everything is your DH decision, whatever he wants to send he will send, I don't have much role in this. Hope its good enough for the marriage.

    ya...u r correct....but she never asked me...but she says to my dh, her son has changed due to me...Frankly speaking, i never said anything to my DH about money or anything about his parents....so he has no reason to misunderstand...so he just ignores his mom's words...


    once again thanks....
     
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2009
  5. orion80

    orion80 Platinum IL'ite

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    This is neither devious nor cheap. In telugu there is a proverb that a thorn has to be removed with a thorn only. These are basic survival tactics which need to be used with such ultra clever people.

    Else we will be the one who will be :drowning and they will be the ones who :party with our hard earned money
     
  6. priti8683

    priti8683 Senior IL'ite

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    Yes, we told her many times but no use...she says "we would become very very rich after 2years....:rotfl(This means we can clear all the loans in 2years...Funny) and now we have only 1 burden (My Sil) so we should do her wedding lavishly....and we will have to send her happily to her inlaws......


    Anywaz I am happy.....My Dh has started thinking....:).....
     
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2009
  7. feduptocore

    feduptocore Senior IL'ite

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    hi priti

    for your own peace of mind maybe you should just do this "DUTY" of getting SIL married BUT put your foot down or all further recurring expenses.
    BTW may be your MIL has consulted astrologer and he has foretold your BRIGHT future... So be and wait for the days ahead and pot of gold!!! hahaha:biglaugh:thumbsup
     
  8. feduptocore

    feduptocore Senior IL'ite

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    ORION... hi I still think that y should we be forced to behave in this "cheap" fashion. I'm sure left on our own none of us would be reacting in this way... why can't people live and let live... so sad... i feel really upset with myself everytime i do such tactics with my MIL or anybody else for that matter. yes i also know that if i don't draw my lines and stand firm on my ground I will be crushed... but even then Y???
    K
     
  9. orion80

    orion80 Platinum IL'ite

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    You answered your own question: because we will not be left with anything unless we take a firm stand. If you voice your thoughts in a firm, outright way, you will become the baddie after all the financial help you gave them at the cost of your own finances. So be a step ahead and try to be smart instead of being outright and becoming bad in their view.

    Do you really think it is "cheap" to try and protect our hard earned money from someone's splurging? Is it not cheap on someone's part to take advantage of the love their brother or son has for them?? If they dont have any qualms spendning without a thought about our future, shouldnt we be a step ahead of them to protect our own financial stability?

    -Lakshmi
     
  10. orion80

    orion80 Platinum IL'ite

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    Because life is just not black and white. There are lot of gray areas as well. To deal with such gray situations, we need to be and act smart. I would call it smart, not "cheap".. See each one defines the gray area in their own way.. :)
     

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