Clever SIL and I am a fool....

WOW!! She is extravagant, Man!! I think you have been pretty nice to her. Just take a firm stand on this. This is what i would do. Give her some x amount of money in CASH and tell her 'Look, this is what me and your brother planned for your wedding (in front of your in laws). You can use it either for your jewellery or wedding expenses. But not to expect anything more than thatfrom your side. It would hurt them. But that would be temporary, but debt will hurt you more and much longer.

 

Tupliplady rightly said you seems to be very nice to them. Thats why they are taking for granted.

Happy destiny, Good to hear. I made you laugh :cheers.But still not conviced the way I am doing things. I am known for straight forward and giving blunt answers. I know it is not at all good with IL. I am trying to control but when i think of my anwers and IL reactions. I burst with laugh.

Now coming to Pritis' problem.

Firstly,You are also responsible for this situation now here. You take ur IL at par.As your SIL is thinking of her dh money, u do have thought of it. SIL will always in liberty to spend bro's money coz its our culture which gives rights to demand. But its u who needs to show limits and tell that u n ur kid are also there as his responsibility.

-You should tell ur dh about ur plans for kids n urselves. Say that I DONT WANT MY KIDS TO SUFFER coz everytime u plan anything for ur kid, than there is loan or money contraint.

-Also ur husband will reach saturation point earlier. He would be thinking alot about many things. Also, money is always a big reason which makes dh stress alot.

-f you have not told ur IL that you are taking loans for wedding. And if you tell them now. Their answer will be u never told that u dont have money. U shd have told it earlier.So it is again you who needs to take it not ur SIL ( with two diamond sets).

-again, we shd shop n enjoy till ur pocket limit. Not to take loan (for unnecssary things) to enjoy today and burden on uncertain future.

-Discuss with ur dh. If he is conviced on showing ur SIL attitude ur money, then ask him to call his parents abt it. You still have time before your SIL gets some dangerous ideas shopping.

-Dont even think of giving money to SIL after her wedding. You start with x amount then after few yrs you need raise their kids too. Do we ask for money or any sponsors if our siblings are well off than us. NOOOOOOOOO. Even if we shop together we pick things we afford respectively.

Again with Happy destiny response, I hope she can afford giving out expensive gifts and sponsoring ACs n other gadgets for her SIL. But here situation of priti is different. They are already paying loans. They cant afford give out happily like karna (mahabarat charater).

 

i think just stick with the above advice. seems like very greedy/ shameless & selfish set of people you are dealing with.
BTW have you guys ever informed them about your current financial situation and the loans that you guys need to take to meet their demands?? sounds very untrue that if parents knowing that their son is in financial probs yet demand their luxuries!!!
:rant

 

Whoa... this is too much Priti... a kundan set,antique set and 1 more diamond set??!!! Is she planning to buy jewellery for her next generations too while she is at it? :rotfl

Whats your husband's take on this? He is ok with such kind of spending? Whatever you plan to do will be useless without your husband's support. You decide on a fixed budget and your SIL asks for more money, and if your husband agrees to it, all your planning will go waste, leaving you frustrated. So first clarify your husband's stand on the budget issue.

One suggestion from my side: Many ladies have given good advice about setting a fixed budget for the marriage and informing your Ils about that. If your SIL is as clever as i think she is, she will use up all the cash and then start saying that she needs extra.

My sugestion is, if you have decided to spend say, 15laks on the wedding, tell your ILs that the budget for the wedding is 12 laks and not a penny more. They will come back for extra money after sometime, saying that all the money is spent. Then give them the 3 laks and tell them again and again (so that it sinks in :tongue) how they exceeded the budget and how difficult it was for you to get the extra money at the last moment.

-Lakshmi

 

Lakshmi,
Not next generation... You should have said "next janam" too !!! :rotfl

 

I could limit my imagination till her SIL kids but few to generations n to janam

 

One suggestion from my side: Many ladies have given good advice about setting a fixed budget for the marriage and informing your Ils about that. If your SIL is as clever as i think she is, she will use up all the cash and then start saying that she needs extra.

My sugestion is, if you have decided to spend say, 15laks on the wedding, tell your ILs that the budget for the wedding is 12 laks and not a penny more. They will come back for extra money after sometime, saying that all the money is spent. Then give them the 3 laks and tell them again and again (so that it sinks in :tongue) how they exceeded the budget and how difficult it was for you to get the extra money at the last moment.

-Lakshmi[/QUOTE]

Hey priti,
i think lakshmi is right...
Gosh how deviously do we have to think to combact such people... end of the day do we feel good?? i feel cheap giving such advice ... what do you say?:crazy

 

Omnam, no way we did lot of loans to send money to our HRH princess SIL in India. Now we stopped though because counting the figures in last 3years of our marriage, we have been paying and paying endless number of credit card bills. Thankfully my DH has realized its time to stop sending so much money. Most importantly my BIL has 2kids now, so they also limit their money sending.

Priti,

I think I read somewhere else that you guys already sent 25lakhs earlier that was just spent off on random things.

Wow, what a joke.

Anyway, gifting so many necklace sets in her marriage and also arranging for sets for her SILs marriage is ridiculous. Maybe you should tell her what is priority - her marriage. Thats it.

About financing her marriage- its good to perform sister's marriage but then not at the cost of getting drained out and making another huge loan.

Set some budget for the wedding and tell them how much you can afford. Send only that much money. Above that, they should somehow arrange the rest of the money.

Again, try to stay out of this and let your DH do the talking because your involvement will only make you look like the evil DIL.

All the Best,
Happy Destiny

 

I agree, I think its the best interest that financial matters concerning the in laws be dealt by the dh only!