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Clean Bowled!

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Balajee, Jun 19, 2017.

  1. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Welcome to Boos Tonight on Crimes Now. I am your host Nausea Kumar and let me inform you at the outset that we are the number one news channel with the highest TRP ratings . Lest you forget we will keep reminding you of this many times between the show..

    The topic of tonight’s debate is “Cricket and Treason”. You will be shocked to know how many people ,netas in particular have shown their lack of patriotism by congratulating Pakistan on its champion’s trophy win. Many of our netas haven’t even shown a hint of patriotism in their reaction. So to debate on this, the panl today comprises Lieutenant General Taxi, defence expert, Aloof Sazaa our defence editor , Swami Ghanchakkar Pani , saffron activist and cow lover, Puneet Thopda leftist leader and Bheja Bhoopalan senior journalist.

    Let us start with the swamiji. Swami what in your view the reason for the debacle.And how do you view all those lily livered liberals and lefties congratulating Pakistan?

    They are nothing but deshdrohis Nausea. As for India’s defeat, I feel that the main reason is the failure to cure the willow in which our bats were made with cow dung and cow urine. That would have helped us with blessings from gomata.

    That is an interesting hypothesis Swamij. What else.?

    It is also the anger of the earth goddess at cow slaughter. I feel that the earth goddess, Dharti Mata, manipulated the ground in such a way that Pakistani bowlers’ balls hit the wicket dodging the batsmen.So to avoid further debacles like this we must ban cow slaughter.

    Puneet Thopda raises a finger wanting to speak.

    Later Puneet, here we have some earth shaking expose’ from our intrepid investigation team. You won’t believe what they unearthed in their latest sting operation. But that after break. Before that let me remind our viewers that we are number one.

    (After the break)

    Good evening again ladies and gentlemen, it is your host Nausea Kumar again. I promised to bring to you the grand expose’ of our investigative reporters. Hold your breath. They have nailed Piggy Singh leader of the opposition Ingress Party in a sting operation. He has been caught on hidden cameras not just congratulating Pakistani captain Sarfraz Ahmed but but believe it or not, he was caught tweeting addressing him as Sarfraz Jee!!!!!!!!!!!!.

    (Everyone expect Puneet Thopda makes collective noises of outrage . Cries of “Shame Shame!!!! are heard from General Taxi.).

    Puneet: Aw come on it is just a game.

    Nausea: JUST A GAME!!!!!!!! He says it is just a game!!!!!!!! They are shooting across the border and this man addresses him as Sarfraz jee. !!!!!!!! And our peacenik here calls it just a game!!!!!!

    Punnet: But if you have reservations about the shooting business, you shouldn’t have played at all.
    And once you play, you have to be prepared for both victory and defeat. And what is the harm in congratulating the winning team?

    He is shouted down by other panellists including Bheja Bhoopalan who has so far been mumbling something incoherent.
    Bheja:Such people should be tried for sedition and locked up for life!!!!!!!!!!

    General Taxi: I respectfully disagree. They must be hanged in public!

    Puneet is cowed down into silence by all the intimidating noises.

    Nausea: Ah I see the peaceniks liberals and lefties have no more arguments left in their kitty.

    Aloof: Nausea I will say that given a chance these guys will have tea in the same teashop as Hafeez Sayeed and Masood Azhar!

    (Puneet timidly opens his mouth probably to ask what is wrong in their frequenting the same teashop or restaurant but others pounce on him and shout him down as total chaos reigns with everyone taking part in a screaming session.).

    So after a fruitful and balanced debate I hope our viewers would have realized the true colours of everyone who see the India-Pakistan match as mere game and are unpatriotic enough to hail the Pak victory. We have received thousands of tweets supporting our view. So this is your host Nausea Kumar signing off until tomorrow when we will take up another matter of pressing national importance. Let me again remind you we are the number one news channel with the highest TRP ratings.
     
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  2. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Just the amount of noise these news channels generate is sufficient to keep pharmaceuticals manufacturing drugs for headaches in business. I can't figure out why call something a debate, call guests, shout them down without giving them a chance to have their say. Besides, why should the host take sides if he/she is the moderator? They are everything but moderate.

    As for the cricket match, I believe that we need to boycott Pakistan and all things Pakistani till they learn to behave themselves, if ever. It is not possible to get them to do so if we continue to make allowances under the pretext of games being games etc. It should be a complete embargo like was once upon a time for South Africa which was boycotted for practising apartheid. Behave like the offending party does not exist. No visas, no visiting them, no allowing them to visit.

    If a game should be allowed to be played in the spirit of a game, I don't see how so much of money comes into the picture. The very fact that money is involved negates the spirit of a game. And if people are paid huge bounties to win, they should also be penalised heavily for losing. There is a lot of inconsistency in our definitions and practice.
     
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  3. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    May be some of these channels have tied up with pharma cos. I am sure they also generate a reasonable amount of business for strepsils because of the shouting matches.True it is a myth that sports diminishes hostility at political level. It is Pak that is keen to play with India because there is good money in it and their players don't make the kind of money Indian players do. As for money I think everybody has a right to make money through any craft they are well versed in as long as they don't become mercenary in this direction.
     
    satchitananda likes this.
  4. PushpavalliSrinivasan

    PushpavalliSrinivasan IL Hall of Fame

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    As long as Pakistan doesn't stop cross border terrorism India should not play cricket or for that matter any game.
    PS
     
  5. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Very true. Sports and hostility can't mix.As long as hostile climate prevails , any game between the two nations will be seem as am extension of undeclared war.
     
  6. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Balajee,

    Only you can write a snippet that is so humorous to read on the current topic. Applying cow dung and urine to the willow would also be an insult to the cow because the Indian batters will have to use their willow to hit fours and sixes. May be they thought cow dung and urine are already applied and that is why they didn't play well.

    Jokes apart, after all it is a game and India won Pakistan almost in all major tournaments for the last several years. At least once they had a clear strategy to win India. Indian players probably were complacent that this final is just a game. I hope there is a review of why they lost instead of giving all credit to the Pakistan batters and bowlers. The Indian captain spoke so much about the processes that takes care of the game on its own. What happened to these processes need to be questioned for avoiding such debacle in future. Losing a game is okay but losing it that badly shows loss of nerves in a key international tournament.

    Viswa
     
  7. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Precisely there has to be soul searching on the part of India Viswa. They as you rightly said have paid the price of complacence. The losing games need to be thoroughly analysed. Let us not forget that Pakistan definitely played better and we underestimated them.
     
  8. ojaantrik

    ojaantrik IL Hall of Fame

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    Great post Balajee. I am sure though that cow urine will help. Far better antidote compared to what Mr. Morarji Desai might have suggested during such national emergencies.

    oj
     
  9. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    OJ, Morarji used to drink from his own cistern. So his suggestion would be to wet the bats with fresh outpourings from one's own cistern. That would have been a sound strategy.After the ball comes into contact with the bat the bolers will find it quite slippery and would think twice before taking it in their hands.
     
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  10. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Balaji
    Haha cow dung and urine bats eh.haha
    Yes the Pakistani chaps would not have caught those catches if they knew what our bats were treated with.
    Super.
    Kamal
     

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