Child:Is it required?

Nope, one should not have kids unless one is ready to deal with the responsibility. Also it reduces the one-on-one time with the spouse.

 

Laks, I have been reading this thread and thinking the same thing, but I was too afraid to say it. So now, I'll hide behind you and explain my position. And ladies, please be aware that whatever I say here is not a judgement of anyone who thinks differently to me. I hope you'll respect these views as my own and not a criticism of anyone else.

My husband and I were just talking the other day about when/if we should have another child (since we're so happy with the way our first one turned out!). He mentioned that another child would be a good companion for our first, and she needed a sibling. I disagreed with him - I think that I would not want to bring a child into this world with an agenda or duty already thrust upon him or her.

I don't want my child growing up with a pre-determined role (heir to my vast empire, playmate for the older child, increasing my population group). The problem with this for me is that in a way, this robs the child of a certain amount of individuality and freedom.

What if my loopy, flaky, artistic son doesn't want to or can't take over my business? What if my second child (the loopy, flaky artist) ends up not really seeing eye to eye with my first child (the regimented, orderly accountant)? I remember, at times, wanting to exterminate my siblings when I was younger, and they me (luckily we all survived childhood with only a few scars to show for it).

Seriously, though, it's not an entirely desirable fate to be brought into the world mainly as a companion piece to another human being. I want my child to know that she is here because her father and I wanted her, with all our hearts, and without reservation, or expectations that infringe on her right to live her life as an individual with individual needs and tastes.

So, ideally, as far as I'm concerned, I should want to become a parent for the sheer joy of bringing a child into this world, equipping her with the right skills, and watching her grow and flourish as a well-adjusted, productive, happy human being. Those expectations are reasonable; at the same time, if she became a moody Goth, with black-painted fingernails, a preoccupation with the maudlin, and awful taste in music, I should still be prepared to accept her.

Just as long as she doesn't become a Republican, of course

P.S. To the OP - no, children are not necessarily required. It is a job that parents shouldn't sign up for lightly, or for the wrong reasons. In my experience, children do not fix troubled marriages (they may paper over the cracks, but the deterioration continues). They have this peculiar habit of growing up and becoming real people in their own right, and not necessarily wanting to do what Mummy and Daddy tell them. And I think there's nothing wrong with not having children at all, if that's what a couple chooses to do.

 

This is so true, and tragic too! Many people have chlidren just because it is expected of them after marraige in our society. Why don't people just leave married folks alone to make their own mind! Many don't realize the commitment it takes to raise children. And if the marraige itself isn't strong, having a child just complicates things. Better to first have good understanding between spouses, and then plan for children taking everything into account ( career, finances, relatives etc).

Otherwise, it is not good environment for a child to grow up in too, with parents constantly bickering, or having too much tension betwen members of the family

 

Reason #9 when a Child is absolutely required:

Steve Jobs just unveiled the new Apple 'iChild' which can play music, talk, text and surf the internet at broadband speeds and post about all your in-law and spouse problems on IL all while taking care of the iChild and it comes with two very important buttons what mums all over the world absolutely desire...Sleep and Mute. You are still not sure how it works or why you need it but you already fell in love with it when you saw it in Steve's hands on the webcast and you absolutely have to have one because you don't want to be left out for cool and posh among your friends in social gatherings and you are in a dilemma whether to get it in Cashmere Cream or British Racing Green.

 

The question is quite interesting which made me visit this thread. I might get a lot of brickbats for this. But, I feel rearing children and passing on our legacy in the form of our genes to live beyond us is a basic physiological need for all beings. That's the reason we all exist after so many million years of evolution.

As for me, even on my worst day with my kids, can't imagine a life without them...!

-Gayathri.

 

Maslow's in place. That's such a scientific angle, thrown in

 

I would argue that we are programmed to want procreate to continue the species. We do need a younger generation of younger people to directly or indirectly take care of the older. In the US, it takes form of the young working class that pays taxes to fund the social security/medicare/medicaid system for seniors. In India it is currently in form of kids taking care of their aged parents.

There are several countries around the world that are seeing declining populations as young couples do not procreate. Some examples are Japan, Russia, european countries..

Governments are planning on getting the additional younger/tax paying population by getting young immigrants.

 

in my opinion - people who 'dont want kids' are plain SCARED to take up responsibility in life. and a true person in llife will definitely have to face tough situations with NO ONE TO SHARE anything with. only lonliness and fears and tears! no matter how much fun, money, love u have - nothing can replace the 'value' a child brings into life. and not having children is like going AGAINST law of nature...

i know many disagree here - but sooner or later when we get old, we will realize how important having children are!

 

seriously, if one thinks the sole reason to have kids is to have somebody to lean on in old age, then i guess most of the europeans need not have kids at all?? I have many an old couple who live independantly near us.. they are well into their 80s. They do have kids whom they love and who love each other. But they all have their individual life.

I still stand with my to each his own idea. Some people really dont identify/define themselves or their life with a child or even a partner. Nobody can say they are incomplete! They are complete in their own way. If they yearn for it, then its different. Wouldnt it be saying all the people who chose a life alternate to what society has deemed as normal is incomplete? Mother theresa to quote an example? Do you think she shirked away from responsibility? What about couple who decide to spend their time doing things/ job which is best suited not to have kids tag along??

There are people out in the world who take up more responsibilty in life without having a child. Just having a child doesnt gaurantee life long support or someone to share things with! there are partners, siblings etc to share too.