Child Care And Other Logistics During The Birth Of Second Child

Angela123 · Jun 25, 2020

Let me explain.
DH and I are expecting second child in October. We do not have family near by and we have only one friend in town whom we can ask for some help. We usually don't because we save it for the time when something that we couldn't handle comes up. So I am looking for inputs how to handle things when I go into labor and what to plan for.
My first child was a normal delivery and the pregnancy and birth didnot have any major complications. So far this preganncy has been same and fingers crossed that it will be relatively good. We didnt have family with us at the time also, and we managed fine, but i was staying home and DH was a grad student at the time, no kids or pets to manage at home, we had flexibility and energy. After coming home with the baby, all friends were very kind and had plenty time to help us with food and baby sitting. Now with the second one, again, there won't be any family and this time limited friends. My kid is 9 year old so I haven't had to use a baby sitter or nanny since a long time, i do not have a trusted one to call.
What to do with the kid when I go into labor? take her to hospital with us? Even if we plan to hire someone what if it is in the middle of the night? Did anyone have a situation like this?
Or should I go alone to hospital and let DH stay home with her?
How to manage the first born during the time between going to hospital and coming back with newborn?
What are my options?
Please help with your advice!!

MalStrom · Jun 25, 2020

What are your hospital’s policies due to Covid? Will they let your child come or will they only allow the spouse? Many places have restrictions now so I would find this out early.
Even if your child goes to the hospital your husband will likely be the only one allowed in the delivery room. So someone may need to be with her during that time.
I would try to hire someone who can come on short notice to be with your child, or see if a friend can take her for that day. If nothing else works out your husband can stay with her at home, and you can consider a doula if you feel you need extra support during the delivery.

nuss · Jun 25, 2020

@Angela123 - congratulations! We were in somewhat similar situation when my daughter was born. Mine was a scheduled C-section which made things a bit easier. I checked in the hospital myself and DH dropped off our son at daycare a bit early in the morning to be at the hospital for my 10 AM scheduled delivery. I stayed with my daughter and he went back home in the evening and stayed with our son. The nurses were great.

In your case, as @MalStrom said, check with the hospital about any policy change. If they allow, you can take your older child with you if it is during odd hours and ask your friend to pick her up from the hospital or drop at friend's house if it's on the way/ nearby.
Another option is to find a babysitter now and explain the situation. Have some one lined up who can be on call. You might want to hire someone in August/September and let them spend time with your older child (once a week) so it won't be an altogether new person for her. Look for a nanny/babysitter who can also help with household work. You will need someone for first few days.
Keep taking to your older child about the delivery/new baby. Involve her in shopping and other decisions. She is 9, she will understand.

Angela123 · Jun 25, 2020

MalStrom said: ↑

What are your hospital’s policies due to Covid? Will they let your child come or will they only allow the spouse? Many places have restrictions now so I would find this out early.
Even if your child goes to the hospital your husband will likely be the only one allowed in the delivery room. So someone may need to be with her during that time.
I would try to hire someone who can come on short notice to be with your child, or see if a friend can take her for that day. If nothing else works out your husband can stay with her at home, and you can consider a doula if you feel you need extra support during the delivery.
Click to expand...

Thank you! Hospital policies are ever changing as of now. We are planning to hire/ask for help from friend and/or combinations of all. As of now, the hospital allows only one person inside or none. And whoever goes in with me needs a two weeks quarantine time prior to due date. no visitors are allowed as well. So she cant come. But this might change. But I am a planner, it makes me less stressed when something is in place. I am thinking about hiring a person for the day and ask friend if we need to go at night.

Angela123 · Jun 25, 2020

nuss said: ↑

@Angela123 - congratulations! We were in somewhat similar situation when my daughter was born. Mine was a scheduled C-section which made things a bit easier. I checked in the hospital myself and DH dropped off our son at daycare a bit early in the morning to be at the hospital for my 10 AM scheduled delivery. I stayed with my daughter and he went back home in the evening and stayed with our son. The nurses were great.

In your case, as @MalStrom said, check with the hospital about any policy change. If they allow, you can take your older child with you if it is during odd hours and ask your friend to pick her up from the hospital or drop at friend's house if it's on the way/ nearby.
Another option is to find a babysitter now and explain the situation. Have some one lined up who can be on call. You might want to hire someone in August/September and let them spend time with your older child (once a week) so it won't be an altogether new person for her. Look for a nanny/babysitter who can also help with household work. You will need someone for first few days.
Keep taking to your older child about the delivery/new baby. Involve her in shopping and other decisions. She is 9, she will understand.
Click to expand...

Thank you! As of now I will not be able to take her with me. I am still finding out more details on this. She might be able to see the baby only when we come home! Making DD understanding is the easiest one. She understands well and treat me like a child! I am leaning towards asking the friend for help for the day I go to hospital and getting a sitter for first few days if needed. It's just I am not used to asking such huge help from friends! I still have 3 more months to go hopefully things will be clearer then.

DDream · Jun 25, 2020

Congratulations. Dont worry every thing will be ok. Your kid is old enough to understand the situation. I hope you have already prepared her emotionally to welcome your new baby. My son was only 3y. I told him he is our baby and new one is his. So he was very proud to be the elder brother. It helped to prevent siblings rivalry. He was in day care that time.

In my case it was normal delivery. So pain started early morning, on a weekend. So we took our son to hospital. We have already talked about it our close friend. So once I was admitted and comfortable, my husband left our son to our friends house, came back and stayed with me till delivery over. He stayed with me till evening. Then, by 9.00 PM, he picked him from friends house and stayed home till next day morning while I stayed hospital with new baby . Nurses of the hospital really helped me and thanks to them. Next morning, my son and dh came to hospital. He stayed with me in hospital till night ( with full entertainment, DVD player tablet etc). As I didn't have any complications, they discharged me before completing 48h . So we all went home.

In your case you can hire a nanny during delivery or seek help of a friend. It's better if your dh stays with you. Once it's over, your dh can take your kid to home and come back next morning. If daycare or school is open, she/ he can go there during daytime( not sure during covid time).It can be done next day also till you reach home. I think your kid can stay in hospital room with you once delivery is over. You can check with hospital.

Angela123 · Jun 25, 2020

DDream said: ↑

Congratulations. Dont worry every thing will be ok. Your kid is old enough to understand the situation. I hope you already prepared her emotionally to welcome your new baby. My son was only 3. I told him he is our baby and new one is his. So he was very proud to be the elder brother. It helped to prevent siblings rivalry. He was in day care that time.
In my case it was normal delivery. So pain started early morning, on a weekend So we took our son to hospital. We have already talked about it our close friend. So once I was admitted and comfortable. my husband left our son to our friends house, came back and stayed with me till delivery over. He stayed with me till evening. Then, by 9.00 PM, he picked him from friends house and stayed home till next day morning while I stayed hospital with new baby . Nurses of the hospital really helped and thanks to them. Next morning, my son and dh came to hospital. He stayed with me in hospital till night( with full entertainment, DVD player tablet etc). As I didn't have any complications, they discharged me before completing 48h . So we all went home.

In your case you can hire a nanny during delivery or seek help of a friend. It's better if your dh stays with you. Once it's over, your dh can take your kid to home and come back next morning. It can be done next day also till you reach home. I think your kid can stay in hospital once it's over. You can check with hospital.
Click to expand...

Thank you! DD is more than excited and we talk about it all the time. She is picking out nursery furniture and doing the shopping!! we talk about how we will prioritize the baby once baby is here and why. I am still expecting issues and drama, because she might not understand how I wont be available for some days. She is a mama's girl.

She will not be able to go to the hospital with me as I find out. COVID-19 rules doesnt allow her to be there, I can have only one person in the labor room and no visitors. She will prefer to stay with our friend's family instead of the baby sitter because she is already good friends with their 2 kids. I am not very comfortable stretching their willingness to help us. So a little hesitant.
With the first kid, my water broke at 4 am and we were told to go to the hospital immediately to reduce the chance of inspection and since I didnt have any pains they had to induce me and still the labor lasted 17 hours. Also, they were ready to discharge me after 24 hrs, but DD had physiological jaundice and we had to stay for additional 5 days there. I am really hoping this wont be that long, but I just have to be prepared for everything. I prefer DH to be with me so that he can make some decisions when it comes to things like this and I am groggy from medication or epidural.

Angela123 · Jun 25, 2020

MalStrom said: ↑

you can consider a doula if you feel you need extra support
Click to expand...

What does a doula do?

startinganew · Jun 25, 2020

Just wanted to share the current hospital policy in our US city (because of Covid): siblings are not allowed and partner (father) does not get multiple re-entry into the hospital (so as to minimize bringing in any exposure in to birth ward of hospital). So one of our friends are planning to leave their kid at a very close friend's place for any number of days it will take.
Here is what I would do: Try out a couple of nannies to do a weekly baby-sitting 1 or 2 months in advance and someone who will be willing to stay at our place for a 3-4 days during birth. Set up nanny camera at all places kid+nanny will present at home (I'd prefer to be more cautious given that both mom and dad won't be able to visit). I'll ask for a couple of friends to drop by for an hour in the morning+evening to check on kid and nanny. H can facetime with kid periodically from hospital to make sure she/he is doing alright at home with nanny and see if they need anything. You could go for a nanny who can help with cooking and some light chores after you return from the hospital with a new-born.

Rihana · Jun 25, 2020

Was similar for us except that our older one was a bit younger than 9. Back then many cases of girls kidnapped from their homes at night were in the news, and I was worried crazy about all the scenarios of my going into labor.

In retrospect, I wish I had splurged some money -- hired a nanny/babysitter for two months, starting with when I went on maternity leave. Since nannies might not be interested in short-term jobs, I would have looked at those who usually provide after-school care and are fine with coming in 9 am to 2 pm a few days per week for those two months. The idea being that friends would be more able to help before 9 am and after 2 pm. And, negotiated with the nanny that she might have to come in earlier than 9 am around the delivery time.

Having a nanny in the house overnight with DD and us parents away was a big no.

Another option that struck me later was to check with Indian ladies who run daycare in their houses. Friends could have our DD from 6pm to school drop-off time.

Overall, we overdid the DIY thing and later realized that friends and even hi-bye neighbors are more than happy to help. Of course, Covid changes many things.

Another thing - even if hospital does not allow father inside, I'd prefer to have him hanging around nearby. : ) Sometimes, things move fast and it helps if the father can come in quickly to talk over options with the doctor. Though, now with whatsapp and other cell phone features, this need is not as crucial. I am beginning to realize how much things have changed since my second one was born and how much help technology can provide. I feel old.. : ) Time to go read Anika's grey hair dyeing threads again. : )