Cheeky In-laws Entitled To Money

Patientone · Nov 25, 2021

My father in law and mother in law earn their own money. But they still feel like they’re entitled to ‘our’ money. We’re trying to save for a house etc. And I mean really save for a house deposit. But mother in law knows how to manipulate husband to send money. She won’t ask directly but will say we’re struggling etc we need to pay for this etc.

I hardly buy anything for myself or my kids. Basic groceries, clothes last longer than they should, clothes for celebrations are worn 2-3 times (we live in the uk), we don’t eat out regularly maybe a treat sometime, we don’t buy anything expensive just very basic. But my MIL has everything and her and her husband want money. They’ll eat out regularly, get sick and it’s on us to pay for it. Wanting clothes for festivals etc. Wanting money to rebuild house. They want our money for these things and use their money as ‘pocket money’ or vice versa. I hope u get what u mean.

what sort of parents do this to their children? You should ask ur kids when ur struggling with cash not when you need it as a gift. I don’t know what to do. Make my kids wear nice things, take them to places? If I do all things I know we’ll never have money to save…but I’ll regret my choices. I look back on my baby’s first few months…wish I bought her good stuff because the money would be sent there anyway…

PurpleRoses · Nov 25, 2021

Yes , Inget it exactly what you mean.
Would need some more details to advice you better.
1) are you working and financially independent right now?
2) if yes, are you depositing your salary into joint account with your dh?
3) if both of you are working, who is paying bills?

If you are not working and financially dependent on your spouse then only way to control the finances is by having a talk with your husband make him realise the need to save for your child's education n health and other expenses, your retirement etc.
You need to get him on same page as you for making joint decisions on finances. It is not easy if your husband is of controlling type who doesnt involve you in the financial decisions ( which is what i guess is the problem in your case).

If you are working and financially independent, keep your bank account separate, deposit your salary into your account and only say 30% or whatever within limits of your earning you can contribute to joint account for bills, household expenses etc. Rest 70% you can save n use for your child's future or for house.
If incase you are buying house with dh n you are oaying emi or contributing to expenses for that house, ensure it is registered on both of your names n not just on his name.

Till your husband realises that you and child are his immediate family to take responsibility for, it is difficult to stop him from giving money to his parents.

Ria84 · Nov 25, 2021

Patientone said: ↑

My father in law and mother in law earn their own money. But they still feel like they’re entitled to ‘our’ money. We’re trying to save for a house etc. And I mean really save for a house deposit. But mother in law knows how to manipulate husband to send money. She won’t ask directly but will say we’re struggling etc we need to pay for this etc.

I hardly buy anything for myself or my kids. Basic groceries, clothes last longer than they should, clothes for celebrations are worn 2-3 times (we live in the uk), we don’t eat out regularly maybe a treat sometime, we don’t buy anything expensive just very basic. But my MIL has everything and her and her husband want money. They’ll eat out regularly, get sick and it’s on us to pay for it. Wanting clothes for festivals etc. Wanting money to rebuild house. They want our money for these things and use their money as ‘pocket money’ or vice versa. I hope u get what u mean.

what sort of parents do this to their children? You should ask ur kids when ur struggling with cash not when you need it as a gift. I don’t know what to do. Make my kids wear nice things, take them to places? If I do all things I know we’ll never have money to save…but I’ll regret my choices. I look back on my baby’s first few months…wish I bought her good stuff because the money would be sent there anyway…
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Can understand your situation....your husband needs to understand too..

But

One cannot stop a son from giving money to his parents (for whatever reason they ask), if it's his earned money. You have every right to say NO if he is giving your earned money. If thatz not the case, then can't do much.

Usually in this part of the sub continent, once the sons start earning, it's customary of sons/the sons feel obliged to give some amount of money to their parents even if the parents have money.

Only the son can say NO to his parents when they ask, which I think he will not say in most circumstances.

Again in Indian culture...If the parents get sick, usually the son feels obliged to take care of them or pay for their treatment. Well, it's his duty too.