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Checking The Background

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Kamalji, Oct 24, 2016.

  1. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Checking Background


    Today papers had an article about doing the background check of your to be spouse, most of whom are got from the matrimonial sites.


    Every one paints a rosier picture than what it actually is. Well, salary is inflated, weight is deflated. But nowadays many parents do hire the detectives t check out the to be son in law or daughter in law, who may be in anoter state, to find out how things are.

    These detectives are having a ball.They charge anywhere from 25000 to 50,000. They have tail the guy for a few days. They do a decent job too. One chap they found was already married, with kids, another one was earning half the salary , another was in a rented home, not his own, and so on. But what happens when u do this for half a dozen matches ? Lakhs down the drain eh !


    Many years back I too did a few of such checks on guys in Jaipur, after being requested by some friends and relatives. I had never done this before, so this was a challenge to learn something new.


    The first one , was from a far away relative from Poona. He gave an advt for his deaf and dumb daughter, then in her thirties, US green Card Holder, and a guy from Jaipur went for the interview and he was selected. I got a call to find out about him.i went to the given address, and an old lady opened the gate. I told her that I have come to find out about her son Mahesh.


    She said , he is already engaged last month, to a girl from Philipines, to be married soon. She was shocked no doubt.And more shocked when I told her the girl is deaf and dumb and older to her son.And then all hell broke loose. She started to cry, like one does when someone is dead. Well I told her to send her son over to me.

    Same evening the son comes sauntering to my office. Speaking like the Hollywood movies type Hinglish, Heeya, im Mac, how you ? HAHA. When I told him of him being engaged, he said, my parents forced me, and I don’t want tyo go EAST, where Philipines is, But I wanna go WEST,that is USA. She is deaf and dumb, its OK with me, I love her, and if they suspect I will leave her after marriage and after I get the green card, I can give it to u in writing in Blood. And I listen to BBC, I love Elvis, and I love all Western Food etc.


    Kamal Sir, please give me a chance, put in a good word for me. And he was working in a restaurant as captain, for 4000 bucks.


    Well the boys father would not believe me, I think this chap had put in some great acting , he came down, and we went personally, and only when he met the guys mother , did he get convinced that this chap was already engaged.


    So I am retired, and I have blogger friends all over india, so I can start this detective business, splitting the spois with the respective bloggers. And this detective business will never go out of fashion, neither will the matrimonial sites, nor the habit of lying, so there will be demand for my services all the time.


    And I have learn a few tricks. Another tiome I asked the press fellow in the lane about the family and he said, they are crooks, they pay me less than 2 bucks for pressing, always complaining, if u don’t believe me go ask the grocer down the lane, I went, and the same thing. Another time the neighbor said, the dad drinks a lot, the son smokes, he is out of job most of the time, and so on.


    In Mumbai, ask the liftman and watchman of the building, just a 100 buck note, and he will tell u if the guy comes drunk, what time late at night, if he smokes or has tobacco.


    So in fact I can save a few marriages from going bad, and make some money opn the side. And my friends who investigate for me, will also earn some nice pocket money.Jaipur territory is mine, I will handle it.


    HAHA


    KAMAL MAHTANI


    A guy at a Samsung store: "are you sure the phone blows up or shall I pick another gift for my wife?"



    A woman went on vacation, leaving her husband behind. Before she left, she told him to take extra special care of her cat.The next day she called her husband and asked if the cat was all right.

    Her husband said: The cat just died.

    She burst into tears and said: How could you be so blunt? Why couldn't you have broken the news gradually! Today, you could have said that it was playing on the roof

    ; tomorrow, you could have said that it fell off and had broken its leg;

    then on the third day, you could have said that the poor thing had passed away in the night

    . You could have been more sensitive about the whole thing. By the way, how is my mom?


    Husband: She is playing on the roof. Once there was a competition in a crocodile farm. The first person who could jump into the lake and got back to land safely would win $10 million.


    Everyone waited for a long time and finally one guy jumped in and swam for his life to the bank. While everyone was congratulating him as he was presented his prize money, he was fuming madly : "who the hell pushed me?" And then he saw his wife was smiling...


    MORAL OF THE STORY : behind every successful man there is a woman who pushes him towards success.
     
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  2. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    A deaf and dumb missus has her plus points. She won't harangue you. But there is a good chance that she would throw rolling pins at you to make her point.
     
    Kamalji likes this.
  3. suryakala

    suryakala IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear @Kamalji ,

    In South India, even now there a custom being followed by which the marriage is planned in stages.

    First stage is enquiry and introduction. After knowing about a family in general, and informal enquireis through friends and relatives.If satisfied the second stage in exchange of horoscopes. If the horoscope matches the third stage is visit of the boy's family to the house of the girl's family.If both families agree then the fourth stage is 'seeing the girl'. If the boy and girl agree then the fifth stage is negotiations on terms of marriage.The marriage is confirmed by exchange of betal leaves and writing of the Muhurat time.

    There are enough checks and balances to prevent both parties being cheated in our traditional system of arranged marriages!

    With changing family structures, we are really moving west and face the problems!
     
  4. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Kamalji, make sure you have a hidden camera for your investigation. You can record everything and then sell it to TV channels for a serial - Detective Kamalji. Maybe you hire an assistant who gives you carrots while investigating.
     
    Kamalji likes this.
  5. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Kamalji,

    Why don't you become a Baba so that you get direct access to the home you are investigating? You can ask them to share all their concerns and you come to know immediately all the issues in the bridegroom's home right away. You can distribute sacred ashes with a blessing, if you are satisfied with an inquiry or walk out suggesting some religious rituals that need to be done to fix issues, if you are unsatisfied with what you found out.

    My royalty for this idea is 10%

    Viswa
     
  6. curiousgals78

    curiousgals78 Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Kamalji,
    Another blockbuster business idea from you. there will never be a retirement in this business. Good idea.
    jokes are hilarious.
     
  7. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

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    While working for a major IT company I used to get calls from friends and relatives to check on the prospects. In office scenario you can always find someone who knows about the person.Guess i should have also charged then!
    BTW wonderful idea and might be a good career option for many...
     
  8. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Balaji,

    HAHA. Good one.
    Regards
    kamal
     
  9. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Suryakala,
    i loved the 5 stages, and i think it is almost foolproof really.Very rare if something goes wrong here. By aping the west, we take on trouble, their fast food causes obesity etc.Love marriages we dont know how the spouse turns out to be and so on.
    The stages u said are damn good.
    Regards
    kamal
     
  10. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Aks,
    You sure want me to turn into a blackmailer, get beaten by the police, abnd locked up eh ! Aks mine will be a clean business, where i will delete all after i receive the money.HAHA
    You have a class sense of humor.
    Regards
    kamal
     
    Akanksha1982 likes this.

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