Check on my worthiness for married relationship

Hello VRB,
No wonder, you are enjoying your bachelorhood from head to toe!!!:thumbsup
You are pretty straight forward and are repenting for your mistakes in life. Though its your own acquisition, its the society influenced on your mindset to have these habits in life.
Nobody is perfect or right in thie world and true that every girl wants his hubby to be Mr. Right, which is impossible. So, relationship involves both physical and mental stability. Good that, you have already starting quitting these bad habits. Just imagine, what if your wouldbe partner do have this kind of habits??
If you are open to accept that kind of partner, then its easy and no transition is required.
But if you dont accept then you would have been a soul like Rama.
So, start a new life by quitting these habits and promise yourself that never ever go back to your old life out of any influences and should restrict to your life partner.

 

But this is common thing in the western world. Irrespective of sex. Men and Women enjoy their social life. Let me tell you this, people smoke, drink, go out and have fun. This is not addiction, its a common thing nowadays. Also to be frank, you got to expect the reality too. Your partner might have these social culture too

 

VRB

Welcome to IL and Good Luck to you in finding your life partner.

Kudos to you for being so frank and open.

As Priya said, please be the same open minded when you marry a girl. Also if possible I suggest atleast you tell her all this before you commit to some one. so that in future nothing should come to her like a shock and at that time you shouldnt be in a place to explain your innocence.

Also if you think these are bad habits, are you planning to quit? if yes then start immediately. dont think after marriage you would do it. as after marriage you would feel pressurised to quit these habits, and at times you would feel and blame your wife that because of her you had to quit and the blame game may start where you woudl feel restricted. You know from outside it might look as if we are doing things socially (like drinking /smoking / dating) but over the time they become part of our life (might be you want to have drinks every weekend / weekly twice / smoke every day how many packets you may not keep track etc)where we cant let go of some habits...thats the reason why I am suggesting to start quitting.The moment you are asked to watch out your habits you would know how difficult to let go of them is...

Start living the way you would like to be after your marriage from now on, that way you will be prepared and also will enjoy your married life.

By the way just because you have these habits , doesnt make you any unworthy for a relationship...just that be positive and open minded and accept the other person too as they are , with their drawbacks or short comings...good luck to you

 

VRB,
Its good decision that you are slowly quitting your habits and grooming yourself to be a gentleman which any wife would expect her future husband to be. Also the fact that you yourself recognize gambling, drinking, smoking etc are bad habits and you want to quit, itself is a first step that you have already taken.
There is nothing wrong in doing all these social activities as a young person. You have to balance it out and that is healthy way of living life. Going over-board and doing all these more than required is when they roll out as a life problem or addiction or bad habit.
Now should you be a hypocrite and claim yourself to be non-smoker, non-drinker, non-gambler and everything else that you are not ?
I would say NO. Its better that you openly tell the girl about your personal history, may not be in great detail but atleast in a way that she would not be shocked at any future "surprises".
Partners feel betrayed and trust lost when "secrets" are kept from them. A good relationship starts with honesty. And that does'nt mean you have to be blatantly honest and tell her you dated 500 girls(just kidding...). But she should atleast know the fact that you were more liberal before marriage and you had all these other habits as well. And that you do want to quit and live an "acceptable" married life. Smoking, drinking, gambling maybe one thing, but dishonesty is a very BIG thing.
Think about it how you want to approach and put it in a way that you are seen as an honest person and not-so-perfect guy but will try to be in future.
Nobody becomes unworthy of marriage or a relationship because of their bad habits. Every human being on the planet is worthy in some way or other. Its just how you correct your past mistakes and carve out a healthy future for you and your spouse. Instead of faking to be a "perfectly clean guy with a perfect history" its better to be open about your imperfections and be an honest person- both to yourself and to the future spouse. Trust me, even if she found out anything after marriage, she would rather face it than finding out that she married a dishonest guy !

Hope that helps.

 

I beleive the biggest killer is smoking and which irritate the partner.So better to start quitting that.Sociel drinking,I don't think that will hurt anyone and which is very common and I don't beleive any one will have big objections on it.Dating anyhow will get over after the marraige,only be careful not in touch with any of those.

 

VRB

I am new here and I am glad to answer on my first post to a male’s question.

In general vast majority of what a person does is driven by instincts and habits. They are sort of the behaviours that are automatic and they come almost effortless. Unfortunately we fall into some of the habits which are harmful to us as well as to the society. If you let them occupy you, they gradually take control of you and put you in a miserable position.

It is good you have come to realise these facts and you want to get away from them. You are half way through the process. Now the next step is to tackle them one at a time. It is acceptable fact that it is hard to replace the bad habits with good habits but at the same time it is NOT impossible to get rid of them either.

One thing you have to remember is that those habits are harmful to your healthy lifestyle in the future and they are costly as well taking out considerable amount of money from your wallet. Marriage is about TWO together and don’t let these to break the concept.

Structure up a plan to eliminate those evils and be STRICK to the plan to the rest of your life

JS

 

VRB, what is your worth? You know it!

Don't let anyone else tell you what you are worth or how suitable you are. Genuine people will try to build you up, nasty people will try to pull you down. Don't open yourself up to that by letting other people decide whether you are 'good' or 'bad.'

Look inside yourself and you will know the answer. If in doubt, ask God his opinion, he will let you know. :thumbsup If you feel God is not in the talking mood, ask your parents, they will know too. Ask both to find a girl on your wave length, who has an open outlook like yours.

Smoking, drinking, dating... so what. Dating is fine, it gives you an idea what traits and personality type you like in a partner. Drinking... almost everyone does it. As long as you are not out of control and just enjoying a few drinks with some few friends, by all means, what is the problem? As for smoking, it's a matter of personal prefference. Some girls like myself will not like it, others wont mind it. And those of us who do mind it, might still marry a guy who does it! :bonk

Just whatever you do, don't be a hypocrite. Definitely THAT is a bad thing. What I mean is, if you have enjoyed a 'western' style life, don't expect your wife to have just dropped from heaven. Like other ladies mentioned, just be honest and accurately represent yourself. There are lots of ladies out there who are more interested in the content of your character, then the details of your 'western' vices.