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Cheating By Husband

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by fragrance, May 22, 2016.

  1. songbird46

    songbird46 Gold IL'ite

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    No, you are not a fool. You're a decent human being. He is also the father of your children. So helping him is not a problem. Let him get well. However, get him a medical checkup. He should not be able to use his bad health to manipulate you.
    Also, what can you do to find out why he is suffering such huge losses in his business? And is it really so or is it just another drama to keep you tied to him? Find that out also.

    Tell your elder daughter that dad's not well but you are taking care of it and not to worry, and that it's not her fault, give her extra reassurance. And distract her with unusual treats. But, kids will sense tension, not much you can do about it. Handle that when it happens.
    Right now you have multiple crises on hand so decide one by one what you are going to do.
    All the best, my dear.
     
  2. fragrance

    fragrance New IL'ite

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    @songbird46 im also involved in the business to somewhat extent plus im the owner so have access to bank accounts. so i know its not his fault.
    but at the same time i feel disgusted at my self that y im like that. even after he did all this to me i still love him still feel for his health.

    also can tell me is it possible that some person will just start sexual dirty talks with friends wife just like that. i know she used to discuss her bedroom problems with him which i came to know now but still there r no flirting messages between them before.
     
  3. fragrance

    fragrance New IL'ite

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    first of all thanx for all ur replies. many of you have suggested that watch him and observe. one thing i wud like to point out htat from first only in our marriage we r open with each other. i know all his facebook, email account passwords. also his mobile is always open and i know the password to that also. many times when hes going for prayer or other times outside also he gives me mobile and says keep with u. i will take any time. of course i never snooped in his mobile. inspite of being so open can anyone tell me a person will have guts to cheat on the wife
     
  4. fragrance

    fragrance New IL'ite

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    why there is no reply
     
  5. dia3

    dia3 Silver IL'ite

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    @fragrance, if ur hubby calls darling or some endearing words to some females who apparently as u say r fine with it...its super weird..may be they like ur hubby so don't mind his flirty gestures n tone,... i bet if u try to call his guy friend darling, those guys wud think u r trying to have an affair with them -lol !..my brother, fiance n guy friend told me the same !

    n regarding cheating, there r men like aditya pancholi who has been cheating his wife yesteryear actress zarina since so many years - he even lived in with kangna ranaut, even built a house for kangna but zarina still feels n claims in interviews that hubby aditya is teh prefect husband !...so yes some men have no problem in cheating openly ! In fact, they get bolder day by day when they see wife is acting like a doormat!
     
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2016
    KashmirFlower likes this.
  6. fragrance

    fragrance New IL'ite

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    i dont know about stars but i know one thing if u r cheating people will hide their mobiles, email ids etc. so i dont get this. if hes cheating then i know all his passwords for all medias. secondly hes working at home since past 4 years so he does not have another mobile plus his computer is in the hall with the screen open for everyone to see

    infact thats the whole how he got caught last time 3 years back. he was chatting with someone on skype. flirting in fact and he did not close his account.
    after 2 days when i was on the net to check something suddenly when i clicked on skype logo directly his chat came. so i m surprised

    anyone has experienced this
     
  7. iliketotravel

    iliketotravel Bronze IL'ite

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    @fragrance

    i felt terrible reading your post. Sorry that you have to go through this. I am sure he might have found another way to cheat. How easy it is to open an email account that you do not know the password for OR a membership of a **** site for which you don't know the password for and then erase the browsing history. Does he sleep late at night and usually does he come to bed along with you?

    once a cheater always a cheater. Even though he actually did not do it but, he has been thinking about it. and he has broken your trust. I feel that the treatment that you are giving him, would not be the same, if it is vice versa. Save the proofs that you got. He will manipulate you to discard them saying that is he going to be "reformed". He is not a little boy to say, that it was all the other lady's fault. It takes two to tango. I am sure he will find another way to deceit you. What was he thinking when he was doing so, disgusting. And also- No one should be using those words as he is using, they very INappropriate when used on opposite gender. This is no sign of being forward or high class, where as it is very cheap. I don't know which decent lady would hear and be ok with those kind of verbiage that your husband is using, from a grown man who is not her husband.

    Anyway now that you are aware of his activities, have a good grip on the finances, and it will not hurt to think about the worst case scenarios. Be prepared. We never know when these things will creep up. But this is worst thing to do to your spouse, who is growing your family. Stay strong and calm dear. All the best. Plan your steps carefully.
     
    yellowmango likes this.
  8. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    May be he knows his wife is gullible and he can manipulate her any time even if caught.
    Op...you are trying to be in denial because if you accept this,you may have to take some action and that may change your life from what it is now.
    This is a normal reaction of a lot of people.
    If you ignore this and believe his nonsense,you will just prove to him that he can get away with this and this will happen again and again .

    What you should be doing....
    1)Take him for a complete medical check up. Be present so that you know what th doctor says.Tell thee doctor that he has been caught cheating and could his present'chest pain' be a result of that. Let him know that you are willing to shame him in public.

    2) Keep the evidence of this sick activity very safely and let him know if required you will use it.

    3)Since you seem to want to keep things as they are.....make him pay for this by staying angry for a few months.

    Make him swear that this will not happen again.Make him swear that his flirty talks with other woman has to stop. Tell him to talk to women respectfully like he talks to his mother.

    4)If I were in your place and I had to stay in this marriage with the creep...I would get revenge just to feel better.I would send the evidence to that woman's husband and let her know. If the B*T** is unsatisfied with her sex life,she should find some singe guy or a gigolo ,not use someones husband as a sex toy and someone elses marriage as a dirty tissue. Others may not agree with this ,but I woud do this.

    This would send the message to the husband that he can not just indulge in this without consequences.Someone will get hurt for hurting you.

    Best Wishes Op.
     
    KashmirFlower likes this.
  9. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Last time you caught him,he had a fall and got hospitalized.
    This time you caught him,he has got chest pains.
    Take him to the doctor and get him checked .Even if he has a problem,take care of him without too much sympathy.He cannot use this to get out of this every time.
     
  10. fragrance

    fragrance New IL'ite

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    thanks @iliketotravel and @yellowmango
    yes i know its easy to open another email account but i checked all his emails what i cud find on the computer. plus as i said he works from home in the hall where the computer is all to see. so i dont see how he can cheat plus if hes working from home its difficult to keep a different mobile.
    i know its easy to speak to her husband. first i dont have actual proofs since i did not know how to save chats so i cudnt do it. as i m very sensitive as soon as i saw this i became angry and started crying. his sister in the next room came running what happened and i told her everything. then she called him to come home immediately. by that time he sensed it that his act is out in the open.
    he came and admitted the whole thing to his sister.
    i know i should have handled this very differently and calmly so that i cud have taken more proofs but at that time what i cud think i did.
    second i know many will say i m a fool but i know her husband. even if this has happened one time her husband will never accept her. already there are many problems in their life and they never communicates to each other. she wud tell her problems to my H. with her 3 kids i dont want to become a cause for their divorce.
     

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