Changing Situations, Ignorance And Frustrations

Sorry to hear what you are going through. Confrontation with such inlaws are always dicey as they will make you feel guilty (despite you being wronged). Practically, is it possible to opt for a city change?

 

Other option is giving the cold treatment. It is hard and you need to be really strong to opt for this. Make it very clear with H that you are not interested in any topic of conversation regarding this parents. When it comes to the wedding, tell him truthfully that you are not interested as either ways you are kept in blind.

Book a nice spa/beauty treatment on the wedding day..and make a late entry ..ps--Just keep this plan to yourself



M

 

OP,

I would say, Be the better person, BUT, do NOT let it affect your health and sanity. If they ask you to do something, say, let me check my schedule. Think through it and see how much extra burden it will cause you. If it is not too much, do it; otherwise, politely refuse. Do it as your duty and nothing else. Weddings are important events when your behaviour will be noticed and remembered. You and H are on a good terms right now and it has taken years to get here. If they use this incident and poison your H's ears, all effort will go waste.

P.S. Perhaps, you will feel better if I told you, you are not alone in being treated as non-existent. There are a lot women on IL who face the same thing, including your's truly.

 

Focus on the important bit - you have established a harmonious relationship with your husband. Do nothing that will jeopardise it.

While it must be annoying, do everything you can to stay on your high horse. I'm not saying you have to extend yourself for the wedding but skipping it or having a tantrum during that time will not help your cause.

Do the bare minimum - excuse yourself from shopping for relatives etc. Remain civil but distant. Your husband and BIL / mil can do the leg work and running around. Ensure you pick and choose activities you take part in. Just go about your business without comment. During wedding dress up well, have a nice time with other relatives and take minimal responsibility.

Unless you are directly and politely requested to participate, do your own thing; when asked to do something, evaluate whether you could score brownie points!

As for BIl he sounds like a vicious opportunist. Keep your distance from him and his bride but be cordial so as to not debase yourself... just watch the drama.

 

Have you both tried counselling? This ongoing drama with extended family is eternal.but for you to get your peace, you could try getting professional help ( discreetly). In today's age of stress, we have to be smart about our choices instead of accepting what others throw at us.

Look, no matter what..be brave. Loads of us not only struggle but also survive such family dramas. How we survive is based on our own choices. In my own case ( no BIL) , inlaws tend to be over 'protective ' of their man-child. It gets annoying and frustrating even after a decade of kalyanam. Initially, I used to accept as my upbringing prevented me from speaking against elders. Invariably, H wld inform me abt their plans, despite me talking to his folks . But , all this slowly started taking a toll in terms of my health, sanity etc. One day, I just woke up and realised that it's my life. If H feels overprotective of his folks, so be it. I just stopped caring.

 

Just like Guesshoo said "WATCH THE DRAMA" haha I smiled when I read these words...basically I had similar issues, I am and always be and outsider, at least they are flattering you during BIL marriage, in my case, I was completely blinded by everything....they wanted the new co-sis to get involved and friendly with all, esp SIL except me...I remained cordial...and finally the outcome was this new DIL taught them a lesson bigtime...they dont get along well...I am from other caste and follow my DH rituals, she from the same caste considers those as old fashioned things..she is good fitting reply to my inlaws...

 

Once I stopped caring, I was happier. In turn, I stopped listening to the constant comments (indirect or otherwise). I started gaining a lot more confidence...and am in a happier place. H has his days of 'my parents' etc etc. I don't ask any question or seek information. But he has realised that it doesn't matter to me anymore.