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Challenging Work vs. Kids Time

Discussion in 'Working Women' started by NidhiA, Mar 24, 2010.

  1. NidhiA

    NidhiA Junior IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    Firstly thanks for getting to my question.
    I believe some or most of you might have gone through some situation where work life balance could have been in question when it comes to family and priorities, need some urgent guidance or thoughts.

    I have been in this IT company in US for the last 8 plus years. I have 2 years exp. before that in India too. Overall never had a break since I started working except for 3 mo.s when moved to US.I have twins 4 yr old and my work envt. was manageable during pregnancy and until recently so could manage both work and home. But as of now it has become very challenging and I end up spending 9-10hours daily and mostly have carryover work at home too. I am in management position and as you can expect, it involves a lot of thinking and time management. I tried to stay away from travel needs, but overall time spent and stress is my concern. Kids need attention and I take turns with husband where 5 out of 7 days in a week, I try to be there when kids are back from school etc. but 2-3 days in a week, I come home late so dontget to spend time except for basic chores. These days am not getting time even to plan on activities needed for kids either. Except for emergency needs, everything else gets taken over by time for my work.There is a lot of layoffs and people are scared at office and hence no one raises a red flag evenwhen work is dumped on ppl.

    Well long story, but here is my qn. While I do plan to talk to my bosses etc.on the load but I doubt there would be any action on it, based on how the attitude is seen and how others just take the work. Given this , I have been thinking oflate if to continue on this job or take a break for couple of years. It would have been nice it I did that right when my kids were born, but my family situation backhome was not favorable and hence continued.Also I am of the type who could get depressed easily and things in personal life are not that happy except for kids, and often comingto work has made life better. But at this point, when it gets too much am thinking about the choice of quitting. There are two things am thinking tho -
    1. Kids have already started preschool and are out 8 plus hours in a day. They will continue so and will not stay home entirely. But the time they are at home is demanding. Given this, is this age - 4 years a better time for me to quit to be with them? I do love their baby talk etc. as any parent would do, and often feel lil sad about baby moments going away when they grow up... If I quit now, is it going to be better after few years, like say from 6 years, its ok for me to go to work?I often hear parents saying there is always some time needed for kids. So wondering given that am pastthe delivery and diaper days, does it make sense to quit now?

    2. I have reached a mgmt position with a consistent and steady rise. I am respected and trusted a lot in this company. I have seen ppl wanting to be in this position and ppl trying to do courses to qualify and there are seniors above me in my collage who have not been able to get such position even if they wanted to. Am not at all trying to be proud here, but I just want to state that this came after a lotof hard work.Though Idid not plan to be here, I landed here due to my hard work. I completely understand the choices other ladies make due to family obligation and I often feel I was probably not that clear or lucky. At this point in life, due to the demanding job, and not so understanding mgmt andcompany position am thiking a lot.... Should I really compromise my kids time and do this.

    3. Financially speaking it is not necessary that I work, but it does help a lot and if I quit, it could be counting upto last dollar, to meet on kids , school etc.. basically just expenses alone. But can probably manage for one year with savings but might end up exhausting all savings and also no further savings for kids investments possible until I start working again.

    Given these conditions , is there any suggestions that you have based on what you guys could have gone thru?

  2. orion80

    orion80 Platinum IL'ite

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    Nowadays i am in a similar situation. I am working for about 10-12 hours a day. I am at a critical point in my career and a lot of things are needing my attention, both at work and at home. I talked to my manager about this and i told him that i will work for about 7-8 hours in office and the rest from home. He said he is ok with it as long as my performance is not affected.

    So i wake up early and work for an hour or so in the morning, work for 8 hours in office and in the evening after i spend time with my daughter, have dinner and make her sleep, i work for 2 more hours. That way, i am able to manage without compromising on the time i spend with my daughter. Though this schedule is tough, i have the peace of mind that i dont compromise on the time i spend with my daughter.

    Hope this helps.

  3. Foundlove

    Foundlove Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Nidhi,
    I understand your situation.Hugs to you my dear.

    Now you have a good position and quitting will set you back in career.
    • Try to find a position that can give you work /home balance.
    • Till then outsource all work.Cooking,cleaning,everything.
    • Spend quality time with children.That is more important then quantity.
    • Staying at home will also make you restless after having such a satisfying career.
    Weekends keep just for kids and you.No work at all.No cleaning,no cooking.You will feel much at peace.

    I sometimes feel the same with my 7 month old.But weekend I do nothing but take care of him and after work too.That helps.I don't care if house gets a little messy.

    Hope this helps.Good Luck

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