Categories of Bangalore Drivers :-)

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by vmur, Apr 11, 2007.

  1. vmur

    vmur Silver IL'ite

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    The typical Bangalorean Driver falls among one of these :)) ...



    Truck Drivers:* You usually don't get to see them directly because they sit
    somewhere at an altitude. You can however identify the cabin crew by a
    frantically waving hand on the non-driver side. This hand belongs to a
    crew-member called 'cleaner' and all scholastic efforts till date have
    failed to decipher the symbolic meaning of these waving. It is however Safe
    to assume that these waving mean 'stay away'. Fortunately the trucks are
    prohibited from the arterial roads. But you can see them racing each other
    at 30 kmph and 31 kmph on the ring road. They successfully block the whole
    width of the road. It is advised that you take them over from left (yes, the
    wrong side) for, they wont let you pass from the right side anyway. The
    other advice is to keep away from them.

    *BMTC Drivers:* You can see them from a mile away from the distinguishing
    color and driving. It can be very dangerous and frustrating to follow a BMTC
    bus. The bus follows Heisenberg's uncertainty principle and at any instance
    you can not predict the speed AND the position correctly. One observation<SCRIPT><!--D(["mb","\u003cbr\>\n that might help the reader is that they always keep right between bus stops\u003cbr\>\n and move to left (well, almost) at bus stops. This is the apt opportunity\u003cbr\>\n for you to take the bus over and go stuck behind the next one. The drivers\u003cbr\>\n can be seen although mostly through the bus's rear view mirror. If you\u003cbr\>\n happen to see them directly through their window, be prepared to listen to\u003cbr\>\n advice (varies from motherly, fatherly to ultra indecent) for having taken\u003cbr\>\n them over in a dangerous fashion. While a normal bus can easily create a\u003cbr\>\n road block on any given road, there are special capacity joint-buses\n (called\u003cbr\>\n janti vaahana) which have an uncanny power of blocking up to 3 roads at a\u003cbr\>\n time at a junction.\u003cbr\>\n \u003cbr\>\n *Cab Drivers:* Characterized by red eyes, irritable nature, unkempt facial\u003cbr\>\n hair, constant honking even at stationary object! They always try to go at\u003cbr\>\n 80 kmph, assume the urgency of an ambulance and expect everyone else has\u003cbr\>\n less important job. Most of them do not sleep for days together and some of\u003cbr\>\n them are trying to compete with David Blain for stretching human limits.\n The\u003cbr\>\n author personally knows few cab drivers who do not have a habitat. They\n just\u003cbr\>\n keep a pair of spare uniform in the cab, eat sleep in the cab and use\n public\u003cbr\>\n bathrooms. Driving style of these indicates that many of them were auto\u003cbr\>\n rickshaw driver earlier. However, they still seem to carry the self image\n of\u003cbr\>\n an auto rickshaw and try to squeeze a MUV into the 1 meter gap between any\u003cbr\>\n two objects.\u003cbr\>\n \u003cbr\>\n *Car Drivers:* Characterized by creased foreheads. Having paid through\u003cbr\>\n their noses and fighting to pay the EMI, they are obsessive about their\n cars\u003cbr\>\n and want to make sure nobody bumps/scratches their car body. This sits on\u003cbr\>\n the mind perpetually and causes those creases on foreheads. Most pitiable\u003cbr\>\n class of drivers having the most to lose from the mistakes of other classes",1]);//--></SCRIPT>
    that might help the reader is that they always keep right between bus stops
    and move to left (well, almost) at bus stops. This is the apt opportunity
    for you to take the bus over and go stuck behind the next one. The drivers
    can be seen although mostly through the bus's rear view mirror. If you
    happen to see them directly through their window, be prepared to listen to
    advice (varies from motherly, fatherly to ultra indecent) for having taken
    them over in a dangerous fashion. While a normal bus can easily create a
    road block on any given road, there are special capacity joint-buses (called
    janti vaahana) which have an uncanny power of blocking up to 3 roads at a
    time at a junction.

    *Cab Drivers:* Characterized by red eyes, irritable nature, unkempt facial
    hair, constant honking even at stationary object! They always try to go at
    80 kmph, assume the urgency of an ambulance and expect everyone else has
    less important job. Most of them do not sleep for days together and some of
    them are trying to compete with David Blain for stretching human limits. The
    author personally knows few cab drivers who do not have a habitat. They just
    keep a pair of spare uniform in the cab, eat sleep in the cab and use public
    bathrooms. Driving style of these indicates that many of them were auto
    rickshaw driver earlier. However, they still seem to carry the self image of
    an auto rickshaw and try to squeeze a MUV into the 1 meter gap between any
    two objects.

    *Car Drivers:* Characterized by creased foreheads. Having paid through
    their noses and fighting to pay the EMI, they are obsessive about their cars
    and want to make sure nobody bumps/scratches their car body. This sits on
    the mind perpetually and causes those creases on foreheads. Most pitiable
    class of drivers having the most to lose from the mistakes of other classes<SCRIPT><!--D(["mb","\u003cbr\>\n of drivers.\u003cbr\>\n \u003cbr\>\n *Auto Rickshaw Drivers:* Having stood over years as undisputed symbol for\u003cbr\>\n rash driving, they are unfortunately losing grounds to cab drivers.\u003cbr\>\n (Unfortunate because a rashly driven MUV is more dangerous than a rashly\u003cbr\>\n driven auto rickshaw). Auto rickshaws are the vehicles with most diverse\u003cbr\>\n speed ranges. They travel at speeds approaching zero when they have no\u003cbr\>\n passengers aboard and travel at speed of unto 3x10^8 m/s when a passenger\n is\u003cbr\>\n aboard. Analogous to the belief that &quot;a cat can pass through any hole\n that\u003cbr\>\n is bigger than its skull&quot; auto rickshaws can &quot;pass through any\n gap that is\u003cbr\>\n wider than the headlight&quot;. They defy all laws of Physics. A typical\n auto\u003cbr\>\n drive sits with a calm and indifferent attitude of a formula-1 driver just\u003cbr\>\n before the race. Based on his age, he is a Rajkumar/Shankarnag/Darshan fan.\u003cbr\>\n He feels strongly towards these actors and towards Karnataka and Kannada.\n In\u003cbr\>\n a surprising observation, many auto drivers refuse 1.5 times the meter\u003cbr\>\n reading after 10 PM if you are exiting from Ranga Shankara. This is their\u003cbr\>\n humble way of commemorating their favourite star who made films like\u003cbr\>\n Auto-Raja.\u003cbr\>\n \u003cbr\>\n *Two Wheeler Drives:* The class in the most advantageous position. They\u003cbr\>\n consist of a variety of sub-populations like office goers, salesmen,\n mothers\u003cbr\>\n dropping children to school, college students, neighbourhood store owner\u003cbr\>\n transporting about 1 ton weight on a moped, whole families of 4-5 children\u003cbr\>\n going on an outing etc. They usually mind their own business and do not\u003cbr\>\n cause inconvenience to other types of vehicles. They use all possible space\u003cbr\>\n on and around the road, including footpaths, medians, drainages, staircases\u003cbr\>\n etc and thus enhance infrastructure utilization.\u003c/span\>\u003c/font\>\u003c/p\>\n \u003c/td\>\n \u003c/tr\>\n \u003c/table\>\n \u003cp\>\u003cfont size\u003d\"3\" face\u003d\"Times New Roman\"\>",1]);//--></SCRIPT>
    of drivers.

    *Auto Rickshaw Drivers:* Having stood over years as undisputed symbol for
    rash driving, they are unfortunately losing grounds to cab drivers.
    (Unfortunate because a rashly driven MUV is more dangerous than a rashly
    driven auto rickshaw). Auto rickshaws are the vehicles with most diverse
    speed ranges. They travel at speeds approaching zero when they have no
    passengers aboard and travel at speed of unto 3x10^8 m/s when a passenger is
    aboard. Analogous to the belief that "a cat can pass through any hole that
    is bigger than its skull" auto rickshaws can "pass through any gap that is
    wider than the headlight". They defy all laws of Physics. A typical auto
    drive sits with a calm and indifferent attitude of a formula-1 driver just
    before the race. Based on his age, he is a Rajkumar/Shankarnag/Darshan fan.
    He feels strongly towards these actors and towards Karnataka and Kannada. In
    a surprising observation, many auto drivers refuse 1.5 times the meter
    reading after 10 PM if you are exiting from Ranga Shankara. This is their
    humble way of commemorating their favourite star who made films like
    Auto-Raja.

    *Two Wheeler Drives:* The class in the most advantageous position. They
    consist of a variety of sub-populations like office goers, salesmen, mothers
    dropping children to school, college students, neighbourhood store owner
    transporting about 1 ton weight on a moped, whole families of 4-5 children
    going on an outing etc. They usually mind their own business and do not
    cause inconvenience to other types of vehicles. They use all possible space
    on and around the road, including footpaths, medians, drainages, staircases
    etc and thus enhance infrastructure utilization.
     
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  2. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

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    Vidya,

    That was an enjoyable read:) I can well imagine it in the B'lore roads!
    The description of each class of vehicle is a class in itself.

    L, Kamla
     

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