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carrying guilt for the past 5 years

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by simplegirl1, Sep 13, 2010.

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  1. ALPA

    ALPA Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Dear,
    your past is your past, move on do not bring it in to your present and ruin your future, forget your past.
    you can do it.
    love
    alpa:cheers
     
  2. iamsudha

    iamsudha Senior IL'ite

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    You are still carrying him on your mind! He doesn't deserve it. Dump him and live in the present. You will be better as a person, mom and wife that way!

    God gives people chances. It's people who botch them. So enjoy the chance He gave you. Be thankful and He likely wants you to be the best wife and mom you can be!

    Good luck!
     
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2010
  3. indianguy2010

    indianguy2010 IL Hall of Fame

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    (your words are reproduced in brown, followed by my comments)
    I am a bit curious to know the male perspective in this.advice me.

    Okay. I am the third male to reply to you, in this thread. No two men need to think alike. Some one above me already told , there are men who can forgive their wives' past and accept them totally. There are men, who can not forgive their wives' past. In which category , your man comes under, I do not know, nor you. Hence, the stupidest and most dangerous effort is to share your past with your husband. So, NEVER DO THAT. Okay ?

    ..........carrying this guilt since 5 years that am cheating my husband.

    The word, 'cheating' has no role here. When you had your relationship with your former boyfriend, you husband did not exist in your life. You had best intentions of marrying your boyfriend. That is the reason, you went upto physical relationship too. In doing so, did you betray any one ? No.
    Now , you do not even know your boyfriend's whereabouts, where is the question of any guilt ? What makes you to feel so guilty that you are weeping alone ?

    ....i dont deserve such a nice person

    there can be any number of women in the society like you , who in good faith, might have had full blown relationship with a man, which due to some reasons or other, did not materialise into marriage with the same person. Does it mean that these men should spend their rest of lives, weeping alone in a room, remembering their former boyfriends ?

    You deserve the nicest husband inthis world, because, you are not cheating any one.

    Tell me what if someday he come to know about this?How could he feel that the person whom he loves the most has cheated behind his back...am serious... he just cant take it...he loves me so much and he just cant digest

    A husband comes to know his wife's past with some other man, if and only if some element of connection (in the form of exchange of smses, emails or phone calls) happens between his wife and her former boyfriend. In your case, you do not have any contact with him. So, where is the question of he learning your past. Even if, he comes to know that another man existed in your life, before marriage, no one can assess the extent and depth of that past relationship. If confronted, say, that man was your good friend only. And promise that you did not have anything other than a healthy friendship with him. (Many men, are experts in telling such lies, when we are confronted about our pasts). Mostly women are stupidly honest and admit their past, only to land up in deep trouble for the rest of the entire life. Hence, even if your man comes to know about your past (which is least likely according to me), go to any extent in sticking onto your claim that he was only your friend.

    Keep yourself, engaged in some activities, rather than spending your time and energy in recollecting your stupid past. I think, you have to join some job , at least part time job, which will make you busy.

    Idle mind is the devil's workshop.
     
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2010
  4. Naksh

    Naksh Platinum IL'ite

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    Simple Girl. You did not do any mistake when your husband is concerned. He is lucky to have you. Be extra nice to him out of love, but not because you think you made a mistake. No, you did not. Have you had any thoughts post marriage?? no...so you did not. Dont loose your self esteem and think low of you. Never feel inferior child( adding 'child' carries some weight so i did it :)

    You are lucky to have a beautiful family and he is lucky to have a beautiful Wife. Done deal.

    I would expect you to not think that "you made a mistake and are not so good' goign forward. Close this thread, put in a strong ending post saying 'you did not do any mistake and you have mistakenly beating your self up for nothing. And this mood would cause only harm " This should be the first step to chuck your guilt out. Explore other sections on this forums as well there are other forums on the web, explore and do some masti. okay. chal then. i expect to see a happy you.

    (Edit: will be back in the eve to check on you :)
     
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2010
  5. simplegirl1

    simplegirl1 New IL'ite

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    Hi Indianguy

    What makes you to feel so guilty that you are weeping alone ?


    In one line i can tell you.The very thought that i had s** with two persons disgusts me all the time.I also mentioned in my previous post that if at all i did'nt involve physically i would'nt have bothered this much

    people say 'love is blind'.Love is such a beautiful feeling i dont think love is blind but lovers are blind.This what happened to me 8 years back.This person once came to me and asked for 10,000 rs i did'nt even ask him as why he needs that much money (how foolish i am ) i went to my father and asked this amount saying that one of my college friend is unable to pay her fee and so i just want to help her by giving this amount.At first he refused and then after me nagging a lot...he finally gave me...hmmmm...dont you think i even betrayed my fathers trust for this stupid person.

    As you asked me for why i am weeping alone...i remember all this and feel i even betrayed my fathers trust.There are many similar things like this...i just wnated to quote an example...that's it!

    Hey..but after posting my problem in this forum...i swear...am very happy to hear from my fellow friends that its my right to deserve such a good person....i can seriously see a new me.

    Thanks for the support indianguy!


     
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2010
  6. simplegirl1

    simplegirl1 New IL'ite

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    Hi Naksh,

    A month before our marraige my husband called me and said that his parents are staying apart and they almost went to a stage of divorce.But eventually it did'nt happen as all the family members insisted them not to do so.He also added saying that i dont want to hide anything from you and you should know everything about me.There's no point in hiding all this rom you.It seems he pressurized his parents to tell us everything...but they did'nt do that...so he took a further step and opened up everything before me.My guilt actually started from that day.

    The same day i called my sis and told her everything and even asked her if i should tell him abt my past.She said a big 'NO'.Of course,even my answer was no.

    That's the reason i seriously dont have any problem if my husband raises his voice at me even though am not at fault
     
  7. SreeSri

    SreeSri Gold IL'ite

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    No more discussion, you are now free and feel light.. keep loving your husband and family.. you will be the best..
    Mods, please lock this discussion as we have achieved our goal of getting the OP to realize the right thing..
    :bowdown:bowdown:bowdown
     
  8. iamsudha

    iamsudha Senior IL'ite

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    Wish that was not said! As such there is so much stigma for divorce and remarriage! These kind of things contribute to the stigma more and unnecessarily make it too virtuous for a woman to stick to one and only one man. We don't want to bring back 'Sati' because statements like above contribute to the idea that she is no good to anyone else or for herself!

    It's counterproductive for womanhood to promote such ideas. Indian women are already taking a lot!
     
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2010
  9. simplegirl1

    simplegirl1 New IL'ite

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    Hi Sudha...you misinterpreted me.Anyways its not your fault you got the info i wrote.Accorfing to me i cant agree for a pre marital sex which i have did it.Thats what i meant.My cousin is in a failed marraige and we all are pressurizing her to marry again.I just want to make it clear i dont think like that.
     
  10. simplegirl1

    simplegirl1 New IL'ite

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    Hi Sudha,

    End of the day even am a girl and even i can understand what a divorced women and a women in a failed marraige go through
     
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