carrying guilt for the past 5 years

simplegirl1 · Sep 13, 2010

Hi all,

I am back with another problem.At first i want to give some info abt my family.Its a small family consisting of me,my husband and my 2 year old kid.My husband loves me a lot and vice versa...and i have very good in-laws too.Before my marraige i was in love with a guy.He cheated me terribly.After i finished my final year he just stopped contacting me and even if i called him he never used to respond....because i used to tell him that after i complete my final year i will reveal everything in my house and probably thats the reason he never responded to any of my calls.I was also involved in a physical relationship with him.This was the biggest mistake i ever did.I just thought like this:am anyways going to marry this person and whats wrong if i get physically involved with him.I know am justifying my wrong doings.But this is what i actually thought at that time. I did'nt have any kind of contact with him for almost 1 year before my marraige and even i dont have any contact with him now.It took me a long time to forget that stupid fellow and finally today am so fortunate and lucky that am blessed with such a beautiful husband.Sometimes i differentiate this is called love how could that be love...i was easily trapped.I was just like an ATM machine for him.

Coming to the point,am carrying this guilt since 5 years that am cheating my husband.I know am very lucky to have him but i feel am not worthy of this luck.He trusts me a lot,loves me a lot,and what am doing...hiding this dirty past from him?sometimes i hug my son and cry a lot...because i feel am not sacred....i dont deserve such a nice person.My husband never hides any thing from me...He dont have any past or something like that.

Tell me what if someday he come to know about this?How could he feel that the person whom he loves the most has cheated behind his back...am serious... he just cant take it...he loves me so much and he just cant digest it.am worried more about him...i know am thinking too much because i don think my past will open up before him unless i tell him.

All the wonderful ladies over there...kindly make me to get out of this guilt.

I am a bit curious to know the male perspective in this.advice me.

hemalathaK · Sep 13, 2010

What you did in the past is a very big mistake.But now u can't change the past.My advise is not to reveal the past.Had you been a good girl you should have told this before marriage itself.You did not do that.But you feel guilty now why?I think if you say the secret both you and your husband will lose a happy life.He too will not be happy after that even if he seperates.So whatever happened in the past is past.Forget it and pray God to forgive you.

Coffeelover · Sep 13, 2010

I agree with Hemalatha. What happened is happened. Now you love your husband. Think of your past as a bad dream, Don't feel bad. Just let it go. Yes, you made a mistake. You are admitting to it. That is the best thing you can do for yourself.

Love will conquer everything. Love your husband unconditionally. Enjoy the child and family. Good luck and all the best.:thumbsup

rose8282 · Sep 13, 2010

What happened with you was in the past....before your marriage.Had you done it now,it would be termed cheating.just remember this...you did not cheat your husband!
Next, it depends on individual to individual how they take this news.Anyway,never reveal it to your husband as it may create problems.Most men will not take this well.It will not do any good...so just forget it.Take out the guilt completely as you are not at fault.Mistakes happen sometimes,but we don't spoil our future because of our past.

simplegirl1 · Sep 13, 2010

Hi Hemalatha,

I seriously did'nt get this idea of telling him everything before marraige.I thought almost everyone will have a past and am one among them.What you said is right.Relationships are based on trust and i feel am taking an undue advantage of this trust.If i love him so much i should have told him everything earlier.what's the use of repenting now?

simplegirl1 · Sep 13, 2010

Hi coffee lover,rose

I am trying to remove this guilt from my heart since 5 years and even now i'll do the same thing...trying to remove it...thanks for supporting me and giving me some strength.

Naksh · Sep 13, 2010

hemalathaK said: ↑

to forgive you.
Click to expand...

There is nothing to be forgiven.

Simple Girl. You needed a male perspective and here you go.
What had happened has happened. You did what you thought was right and in the prcess you have not harmed anybdy and that is all needed. So what you did was right. Remember, as lng as you dont hurt anybody its fine. Dont worry, you are a good person and you did not cheat anybody as you did not do anything post marriage.

Coming to the revealing part, I personally feel uncomfortable knowing the fact and can never be the same inmy inner hearts.

(not every person thinks alike, so i represent may be a group of men and not all).

simplegirl1 · Sep 13, 2010

Hi Naksh,

Even my husband has the same attitude as yours.I am not going to reveal it to him...if i tell him any thing about my past its like am digging my own grave.The thing is am feeling too much guilt about all this...i dont know how this guilt will go...with my son growing day by day my guilt is also growing the same way.Thanks naksh your words really strengthened me.

mankan · Sep 13, 2010

dear simple girl,
my advise is never ever tell your dh about this affair, men r like that they cant bear it ..... my very dear friend was in same situation as u r,[ but she was not involved in physical rlshp ] her boyfriend ditched her when he was told by her parents to get married, he said he cant as first his sister has got to be married, after that he stopped calling my friend and never picked her calls.
but now she is happily married with a very caring and loving hubby and have 2 daughters. she also get scared sometimes but she is strong and brave.
have courage and patience, time will pass , evythg will be fine.
take out your guilt and tell yourself u were not wrong,what happened, it happened...he ditched u not u.have faith in god, everythg will be good soon.

simplegirl1 · Sep 13, 2010

Hi Mankan,

If at all i had not involved physically i would not have bothered this much.Its beacuse of this reason am breaking my head to the worst extent.