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Career Or Marriage?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Mynahshrivatsav, Jun 27, 2016.

  1. kollen

    kollen Bronze IL'ite

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    Yeah, you are right. I made that assumption after reading ... "after marriage".

    If she is not married, then thread starter should be jumping of joy that faults coming up before the actual marriage will save her life.
     
  2. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    run run run till you have a chance.
     
  3. Mynahshrivatsav

    Mynahshrivatsav New IL'ite

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    I agree with all of you.. But I sincerely loved him for these many days. He was supportive too in the beginning. I trusted him to the fullest extent. Now it is paining me to think of leaving him.
    What made him change his view I dont know. He is a doctor too. He should understand my situation more than anyone else. Maybe his mother did emotional blackmail like choose me or her..
    May be he is under pressure. But as you people said, even if he is good, his mom will never let me be happy.
    One thing that worries me is, whether all mother in laws are like this.. If not, how to know about her character before hand?
     
  4. magician

    magician Silver IL'ite

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    Psychiatry needs dedication. Dedication from the heart.

    If you need advice from an internet forum on whether you should stay/leave your career in medicine, you have much thinking to do, Mynah.

    Please look up Dr Sarada Menon in Chennai, padma bhushan winner, 90+ years old, who is still working for her patients. Amazing woman. I have been in her clinic, met her and seen the different sorts of patients she gets. It's not an easy job. There are certain fields which need effort and no compromise: medicine-- especially psychiatry-- is one of them.
     
    momsky, Mynahshrivatsav and vaidehi71 like this.
  5. Mynahshrivatsav

    Mynahshrivatsav New IL'ite

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    I am 24 yr old this june. And it takes one year to prepare for md entrance test. Once you clear that test it will be 3 years course for Md psychiatry. So I will be 28 year old by the time I complete my course. I have a sister who is a doctor who has just completed her MD. She is 28. She married in her 1st year of PG course when she was 26. And I want a future like that where both career and marriage goes hand in hand. I have few friends of mine who got married during MBBS final year. But their in laws were supportive and now they are pursuing higher education.
    My conclusion is, education is not or should never be an obstacle for marriage.
     
  6. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Mynah, the question is not whether you should choose career or stay-home-after-marriage. It is whether you should marry a man who asks "Can't you give up your career for me?"
     
  7. kollen

    kollen Bronze IL'ite

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    Lovely aspirations.

    I hope you understand that, if you marry, then your possibility to make 100% independent decisions in your life goes out of the window because you have another person interlink with your life.

    Talk to your future husband-to-be. During those 4 years, then the idea of having a kid is not so good if your priority is your education.

    Where will you guys life together during that time then? - if you , your husband-to-be and your mother-in-law have difficulties in maintaining a peaceful environment for studies.

    Have a good evening!
     
  8. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    My conclusion is, education is not or should never be an obstacle for marriage.

    Op, I agree with this. But do the Guy's parents and guys agree with it. Here the boy doesn't have guts to oppose his mother yet he went on making empty promises. Reality hit you well and soon enuf. There is not later marriage will be okay with compromises in this case. Can you change a mama's boy. Even if you can you will be well in your mid 30's /likely 40's when he realizes one fine day his family needs preference it at all it happens. What then?

    Better have a broken engagement then live thru a broken marriage. Your fiancée's mother is imposing having kids , getting a job near and everything before hand so you don't have any time as a couple.Either way you are looking at drudgery and endless mind numbing work and emotional blackmail from the guy and his mother. Can you live with that?Good Luck.
     
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  9. Lxcxxz

    Lxcxxz Senior IL'ite

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    Okay so in that case wait a while and broach the subject again when everybody has cooler hands. Sometimes men and mils will take information in better from other men and mils, so arrange a dinner with your sis bil and their family. Get it all out in the open, with your parents support, and see what happens. If you know other girls who pursued further medical study after marriage then arrange meetings with their families. If after gently explaining the benefits the answer is still no, and you want to leave, doing it this way you have your parents full support & they will also be able to fully defend your reputation should another proposal come.
     
  10. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

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    I can't speak on behalf of all ILs but I will give my sister the same advice I gave the OP. NO shame in a broken engagement and no, there is no "expiry" date. The fear of unknown (what if I don't get a better proposal) makes one settle for something they don't wish. OP you are educated, you have a life ahead of you---make use of that education and decide what's best for you. If you think this guy is best for you...so be it. If you think he is not...don't settle.

    Speaking from my own experience, the biggest red flag for me is "can't you just leave your career aspiration for me"...today is this..tomorrow will be something else. "Why do you want to visit your sister/ friend/ family"...why wear this/ why do this thing this way"...because you love me, you are not entitled to have a life of yourself. Another red flag for me is...Momma knows everything...him giving you a watch/ your little tiff with "the baby"...why does mommy need to know every single thing? You are not even living in that house yet---what will happen when you live there 24x7, have a job nearby (see you can work and bring a paycheck as long as it suits them), and raise kids (I guess without DH's help since he will be busy building his career). Think about all this OP.

    I divorced my doctor ex because of similar things. I wish I had known all this before getting married. Unlike your situation, his family was thrilled about my PhD from IIT and promised all sorts of support but as soon as I got married, all they wanted was my paycheck, a baby, a free babysitter for BIL's kid, and finish PhD ASAP so they could secure a university professorship at the local university at 5 min drive from their home. You see the pattern?

    If I would have worried about what the society would say..what if I don't get married again...what if I am overage (and divorced on top of that)...what if I end up with someone worse........ my life would have been difefrent. You might like to hear that I am a professor in USA, have an incredible husband and two adorable kids....everything I wanted in my life..career/ family/love/friendship. Stand up for yourself and you will not regret.
     

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