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Career Or Marriage?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Mynahshrivatsav, Jun 27, 2016.

  1. Mynahshrivatsav

    Mynahshrivatsav New IL'ite

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    Thank you all for your advice!! I guess I will talk to my parents about my choice for studies and move on from there.
    I will come back and reply after discussing with them again...
     
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  2. BDivya

    BDivya Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear OP,
    As others said im going to secod them. These mamas boys will never support or understand their wifes needs. And ur love for him will soon fade away in the initial few months/may be even weeks! When u see him take sides for his mother even for small things all ur love ll find no room in ur mind/heart! As this is an arranged marriage u still have time to back out and save urself. Once u let urself in listening to - "everything ll be fine later" then u ll regret later. Nothing ll be fine later. Everything ll get more worse day by day..
    U can read other threads in this forum where many ladies are dealing with the same kind of prob u r having currently. difference is they r married and u r not and this is a positive thing.As u still have one last chance to save urself!
    Ur parents ll surely be worried abt ur future , just talk to them politely abt the concerns u have and assure them tht u ll look fr another guy and make them satisfied by marrying one fine day! convince them by saying all the talks u had with ur future mil and that guy and tell ur parents tht u r not feeling positive vibe frm them.
    ATB!!!
     
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  3. amnilakshmi

    amnilakshmi Gold IL'ite

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    Dont choose him...Run away or else you will be in trouble throughout your life
     
  4. Lxcxxz

    Lxcxxz Senior IL'ite

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    OP that's good see how they react. I am wary of all this support for you to leave your fiance asap, as should you be. I don't think the people giving you this advice would give their own sisters the same advise post-engagement. Breaking off an engagement without your parents support is bad even in the UK with African indian emigre parents.

    Regarding further studies I'm going to add: If it's just a 1 year course, take a long engagement and do it now. If you stay with your partner then coming into the marriage as a qualified psychiatrist will add value to you. If it's longer reassess your options long term. Not sure how old you are, but will you still be able to marry when you finish?Three female cousins in my dh's family in India chose to complete masters & mbas before looking to marry, and were considered 'over the hill' by the time they were ready (late twenties/early thirties), and couldn't get great matches in India so had to settle. You might end up with someone worse!
     
  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op...if I had a younger sister in the same situation,I would physically shake her up and tell her to open her eyes.Better to have a broken engagement than stuck in a bad marriage for the sake of the kid.

    If your guy can't wait for you to finish your education ....then this is a bad idea.
    Also.....this "If you love me,you will compromise " bit is a big red flag. The answer to that is always...."If you love me,you will stop emotionally blackmailing me ".

    Guys who want the girls to give up their career for them should be looking for girls who are not interested in a career and if they find a girl who is willing to put up with their wish ...they should learn to value her more and not sacrifice her in front of his mother.
     
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2016
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  6. SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

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    Exactly what I wanted to say.
    If you ever love someone, you will not use it to emotionally blackmail them . and if someone is doing it, then he doesnt love you.
     
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  7. beingloved

    beingloved Gold IL'ite

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    RUN as soon as you can.. these are all recipes of disaster waiting for you! Our country has very less number of doctors and your education should be put to good use!
     
  8. kollen

    kollen Bronze IL'ite

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    I think you should let your further education matter to "cool down" for some days(a week). After sometime, you can discuss with your husband your desire to pursue further education. I am sure your husband is under pressure from his mother.

    After the nerves have cooled down, then it is a great time to talk.
     
  9. SCk

    SCk Silver IL'ite

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    Dear op
    The title is wrong. Its not about your career .Its about the attitude of your would be s mother.n your would be does not seemto support you. I don t find career as a single problem in your marriage. There 'll be lot more.she 'll daily wake up with a drama which you ll be fed up to manage.

    Have you worked hard all these 5 half years to ruin it marrying the guy, more over getting locked to that lady.she is not worth your 5 half years dear!

    P g preparation is itself hectic which needs one year of your dedication, more it needs dedication from your family not to disturb you even for a function. So they 'll not understand how much efforts are needed to crack Pg that too an M D psychiatry!

    Call off the engagement n look for better prospects.
    Wish you all via best!
    Please Don t fall in the trap
     
  10. SCk

    SCk Silver IL'ite

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    No.he is not her husband . This pressure will last life long till his mother dies . Sorry but true . This will not work out.
     
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