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Can't Tolerate Mil

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by soulful, May 5, 2021.

  1. Tubinbataye

    Tubinbataye Silver IL'ite

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    My view is gonna be different here, you dont want your mil to stay with you(with GC) is that triggering your inner peace?
    If youre exhausted with your toddler just remember it's phase, it will settle eventually.But remember to build a cordial relationship with your MIL. Involve her to play with the kid esp when your H is around,tell her she is not this interested with the kid when her son is not around in a funny way. Dont take things to your head. This lockdown is tough on many of us.Youre not alone! Keep your cool.
     
    soulful and drdiva like this.
  2. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    i have always known this gc+permanent stay time will come sooner or later. Do I like it? NOPE! But I will tolerate because, i don't want to accumulate bad karma for myself.

    I have been married for long enough to know i can't expect anything straightforward from mil. The problem is, I don't have the kind of patience and ability to ignore like i did earlier.

    It was easier to tolerate her before because, all i had to do is let go of my expectations regarding H and my rights on him. I don't want to let go of my rights on my child. why should I? She kept complete control on her married son and now she gets full access to my child. I can even take that if she didn't try her dirty tricks like calling herself Amma to my child, or if my child calls Amma, she responds before I can. She even lies to my child by inserting Appa did this for you, Appa did that for you just so that my child says Appa more than Amma. And it actually worked. For months, lo won't say Amma and finally I blew my lid and told her I know what she is doing. Of course she denied and all the Ganga Jamuna sh!t came out.
     
  3. winterhue

    winterhue Finest Post Winner

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    Had goosebumps reading this, because my MIL did the exact same thing with my daughter too! MIL started making my child call her amma (when I was not around), until finally one day I had enough. So when she was eating and my duaghter asked for something and MIL replied "amma will get it for you dear", I asked "whose amma, her amma or her dad's amma?" and MIL gave a smile and said " well, any amma is an amma" and I replied (with a very wide smile) "No - her amma is me and her father's amma is you. They definitely are not the same." I told my daughter not to confuse us too by calling us both the same thing and she finally started correcting my MIL when she would refer to herself as amma :)
     
    soulful likes this.
  4. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    What is with these mils who can’t be straight forward? My child 1.5 year now, which means she had just started saying Amma when all this happened. There was no way I could explain to my child I am her amma and she is not. Now she’s getting it right like 99% of the times but still my mil tries to butt in when she thinks I am not around. What a sicko
     
  5. Patientone

    Patientone Silver IL'ite

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    I don’t know why we women are so hard on ourselves. It’s so easy to lose out on sleep, have less energy, not eat properly when we have young children and then take it out on our kids. Ask your MIL to help out. Like if you do something say to her I’m just changing so and so’s nappy can you do this please. Give her things to do instead of sitting there watching. It’s either to sit and watch and judge. She should help out. If she doesn’t then you neglect the housework and say it’s hard looking after a child or I was unable to do something because I was looking after my baby....have fun and play with your child. You don’t always have to do housework! Sleep when ur child sleeps so u don’t get tired. And then gradually make a habit of it...
     
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  6. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    my mil is a weirdo. She will never use her common sense to do things. Will ask a million questions to do one thing, but that is only for show. She will go ahead and do exactly what she wants to do. The asking questions is a bunch of BS!

    I have to tell her every single thing stepwise and then see her do the exact opposite, thereby increasing my work (because I now also have to deal with the consequences of her actions). This when she wants to help.
    Otherwise, even things that she has assigned to herself to do on everyday basis will be left undone. Like folding laundry. It will sit there for days until I do it.
    There’s really no winning here
     
    Last edited: May 11, 2021
  7. preeti6years

    preeti6years Silver IL'ite

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    My MIL does similar kind of stunt. She would never say to my child " Amma will come" its always " your Dad will come. Wait for your dad. bla bla..." Never ever she would refer me to my dd. May be she feels insulted to even address me as my dd's mom. Apart from this she did other nasty thing which is trying to make my child prefer her over my mom. It so happened that when I came back from mom's house once, my dd called her " Ajji" (which means Grand Ma). She immediately asked her "Which ajji you want?". I did not get it for the first time. Later when my dd did not respond she used to tell her " you should say I want this ajji". She kept on repeating this quite a number of times. After observing it for 2-3 days one day when she asked the same question to my dd I immediately responded that " she needs everybody . She will not restrict herself to just one or two people around her" That put an end to the matter
     
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  8. WannabValerie

    WannabValerie Silver IL'ite

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    Why bring kids into the drama... people who are 50+ should know better?... these are the people who watch bhakti/sanskar channel for hours... so what is comming out of all that listening?..other than charged up current bill?

    Even if she dosnt understand what your daughter is saying, let the daighter be with her and you take some break... they will figure out a way to communicate or may be they wont... it will be a different kind of relation that way... unless she is teaching something which is not appropriate, leave the baby with her even if they seem clueless to each other...
     
    Last edited: May 20, 2021
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  9. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    oh my God, it. is. the. same. case. here. She will never say Amma is comingor Amma willdo this for yu. It is always Appa. Like this one day, I am standing right there and my kid needs the ball pushed out from under the sofa. She says Appa will come and give it to you. Like am i invisble? dead? An in front of my husband she will be all Ama Amma..

    the worst part is I am turning into a monster. I am becoming passive aggressive just like she is. Turning into a person I don't like. I don't know what to do
     
  10. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    Nothing, other than bragging rights

    I don't mind except for the fact that 1) she starts teaching my child how her mother is not important by emphasizing her son OR 2) by coming looking for me the moment i take a minute for myself. She will lie to my child saying amma is calling when I haven't
     

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