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Cant Talk To H

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by YoGirl, Jul 22, 2020.

  1. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    Hi mam,

    I am still learning to live, and I don't think I am an expert to advice a mature person like you. Nevertheless, since you have asked, here are some examples of recent times

    The basic expectation from a spouse is to respect our feelings, and reciprocate to it.
    When I feel offended by any acts by MIL, I would convey my feelings to my H no matter what. It is his choice to respect for my feelings, or do something to make me feel better or to ignore or even to fuel the fire by supporting those who hurt me.
    If he does anything other than to heal me, or at least reciprocate to my feelings, then I will react similarly. If not, I would be only acting as a nice wife while fuming inside.

    It is simple as that.... If he hurts, then I would cry, blast out and react in anger which will clearly convey the message to him. The next time, he will think before acting
     
  2. netflx

    netflx Silver IL'ite

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    OP and sw2019, I am not sure using emotional meltdown as a strategy or tool will work. Best to calmly state the displeasure and be firm with your stand without associated drama. This is best for your (future) health too.
     
    Sweety2019 likes this.
  3. zahra123

    zahra123 Senior IL'ite

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    The irony is that all these MILs were daughter in laws once.. Are they just passing on these attributes to next generations? Will we also become like them or is it a matter of age ? Has anyone given a thought on that
     
    nakshatra1 likes this.
  4. Sweety2019

    Sweety2019 Silver IL'ite

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    This is a whole another topic
    Yes, it is a conscious effort that has to put in by everyone in the society and families..

    we females become MILs should never treat a scenario as ' I went through worst, DIL has it easy' ..that thought has to be removed.
    A FIL has to be open to listen to the DIL as a daughter. And if the dil can't talk then put yourself forward as a father figure and ask them if they need any advice.
    As a husband never say 'you only should adjust and go, they are my parents they are never wrong' this can be removed only by his parents telling it's okay if you support your wife when she is correct, we won't abandon you and your family.
    As boy's parents you have to teach the boys, when you get married she is family to you.. you have to prioritise her.
    And in laws have to make her comfortable to voice her opinions.

    And a girl's parents they have to teach her marriage doesn't mean she is orphaned from her parents, just that he becomes family and you will have to prioritise him, but we will always be there.
    And teach the girl, you can voice your opinion and listen to their side of reasoning as well.

    The girl should realise that marriage is a part of life that will be shared, not something that she has to loose her individuality all together. She has to learn to not be extremely dependent on the husband especially emotionally.

    We as a society have to stop putting each other down. I have seen so many times a person tells their marriage,in laws problems to another trusting them as friends, relatives..people turn it into a gossip which is even more hurtful.
    And as a society never tell a girl now you are married whatever happens you need to be in it. You never know that adds the pressure even more, what if the female/male are in an abusive relationship. Tell them it's okay to part ways if it is toxic and abusive.

    And these are just tip of the iceberg. As I said this can be whole another thread. There is a lot that a person has to change within and outside.. this change is not overnight.
    So let's put in our work to make a conscious effort to treat the next generation right and guide them and be happy.
     
    nakshatra1 likes this.

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