Can't get over over my wife's physical affair with somebody else in the past

Lets translate - Maine uske saath jo kiya / maine us par jo kiya - In Hindi you have two different terms for both. The things I did with her and the things I did to her.

Lets assume if he were south indian, it would then be - Naan avaloda panninadhu, nenu vadutho chesina - In these cases, you dont have a seperate term for thingtes I did with her and things I do to her. For both, you use the same above mentioned terms. So, probably the "things I do to her" is transliterated from tamil/telugu.

Interesting conversation. I find it amusing when I hear " My head is rotating". Perfectly acceptable in the Indian languages I know, but sounds odd in English. Another one - " I just had a head bath" instead of " I washed my hair". I use "head bath" often enough even though I know its not the correct usage in English.

 

Seriously the to/with gave rise to so much discussion!!!:hide:

I sometimes wonder if somebody tests these forums with a story line on their board...and as usual we never disappoint them with all that we think is going to help the op..:rant

the op gets a great idea and goes on to develop the same into a serial or a movie and we still keep debating and thrashing the topic to shreads.. and the op disappears...

love you all for the patience... and definitely this forum is the best resource and sounding board if somebody were to do a study on marital relationships.. they don't need to work hard, just cut and paste...:coffee:cheers

 

Thank you for writing this.

 

I guess, in some cases, its the feeling that they have missed out the fun and experience where as his/her spouse had such past causes frustration/other negative feelings. You know, there are many who actually wished to be in a relationship but it never happened and if they marry somebody, who has been through relationships, it kinda create asymmetrical equation.

 

Aah, now do you see why I requested that we do this via pm? :bonk I had no intention of inflicting my tatse for fine distinctions on everyone else. Readers, please blame Rihana!

Yes, of course. The overburdened comparison was merely to illustrate a point: when making decisions of great import, it is always a worthwhile exercise to re-examine, re-evaluate one’s assumptions.

 

it was just fun sokana..nothing more..and i really enjoyed the discussion and the matured perspective from you..and i so agree on the changing times, and the need to change the thought process with regards to relationships..

 

Precisely my case. In both cases, I would claim that 'with' would be a simpler, more natural choice. For e.g. 'par' is used with 'hamla' (attack on) or 'us par jo ilzaam lagayaa' (blame placed on him) ... more often with a 'done to' motif, while 'saath' has milder overtones as in 'uske saath jo beinsaafi hui' (the injustice done to him/her). The tamil / telegu is very strong on 'together' / 'with' - (aval-udan). I will do the experiment, by asking friends to translate and see how it goes.

I did not wish to go so far as to impute a negative connotation. The 'to' did stick out. That thought was in response to a reader's query: why the focus on the sexual rather than the bonding / close emotional relationship with another guy? I was merely trying to point out that the language automatically triggers it. The 'done to her' absolutely does not imply 'all the things we did together, such as 'go to movies, go shopping, travel together' and so on. It refers to the sexual.
OK, deepest apologies for overly 'deep' analysis. I make my living teasing apart subtle ideas. I spend my life arguing (in a good way!) with colleagues. That's my job. It spills over into everything! :bowdown

 

Hey thanks Shanvy. I have been thinking I need to add a Dr. to my name, just to make myself sound a tad more intellectual and have been scratching my brains for a topic. Now you just gave me a wonderful idea!!!!! No need to leg it round town searching for subjects/interviewees. :-D

 

Hi Rams,
Please don't misunderstand the digressions. They do not come at your expense. They are more about the elusiveness of language, the difficulty of communication, the variety in perception. The conversation shifts from the particular to the general and back again, while in between, my monkey-mind often leads me astray.
I am very sorry about what is going on in your life. I do understand the pain and sense of betrayal. I hope you are able to find your way through the thicket of difficult choices.
I would suggest you put off any decision making for the present. Buy yourself time until you are steady in heart and mind.