Log in or Sign up

Cannot Get My Dads Helpless Cries Out Of My Mind

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by SuiDhaaga, Apr 10, 2023.

Page 3 of 4

Apr 11, 2023 #21

SuiDhaaga IL Hall of Fame

Messages:

2,897

Likes Received:

2,012

Trophy Points:

308

Gender:

Female

Viswamitra said: ↑

@SuiDhaaga,

You have to have your priorities right:

Your #1 goal is to get your dad recover from his illness as quickly as possible.
Your #2 goal is to let the caregivers provide your dad what is needed to cure him quickly.
Your #3 goal is to facilitate making your dad as comfortable as possible.

If you have to get your dad recover from his illness quickly, you have to make notes on all of the advises of the caregivers and follow it meticulously. You can't pick and choose.

Whenever you say your dad will die than going to ER, it is a conflict. If he needs to go to ER for some reason, are you going to listen to your dad and keep quiet or will you bite the bullet and take him to ER as advised by the hospital?

Some patients do have higher tolerance for the pain while others don't. You can't sweat on needles and pricks at this point in time and you have to let the caregivers do whatever is needed to be done.

The caregivers of your dad have only one goal to get your dad recover quickly. Sometimes, they have to address his health and other times, they have to address his emotional reactions. You can't interfere in every one of their actions.

When you write bad about them here in IL, sooner or later, it will show up in all your interactions with the caregivers. If you are not satisfied with the caregiver, you need to discuss the options with your surgeon. But if he suggests your dad has to go to ER, you should be in a position to listen. The caregivers will say what is right for the patient's health and not what you or your dad would like to hear.

You need to really calm down in the best interest of your dad. If he suffers from pain, you tell him he will be alright soon. Take down all that your dad is reporting and ask all the questions first thing in the morning when you talk to the caregiver. Give them 24 hours before you ask the next set of questions. Ask them what you need to consider as an emergency and unless such things you encounter, you should not panick. They will be able to say one or two things as emergency situation. Because they are all so busy, they prefer patient's caregiver at home to be more organized and systematic. Only time, you need to interact with them is when you have questions. Leave them to treat your dad and don't be in their way.
Click to expand...

Thank you for listing the priorities

My Dad is scared of going to ER, etc. He avoided hospitals before and He has been traumatized by this experience now

Very good point … if I get upset with some caregivers sooner or later it will surface when I speak to people in real life.

I am taking notes and advice from everyone here with a set of questions and either call or email the Nurse Practitioner ps on the TAVR team. you guys give great advice on what to ask. Everything something is amiss we think it’s an emergency and panic.

The Nurse Practitioners are different from the nurses in the ICU, one was impatient with Dad when he was screaming in pain and other was Ill-mannered nurse - but Dad was joking about the I’ll-mannered nurse in the hospital

Last edited: Apr 11, 2023

SuiDhaaga, Apr 11, 2023

SuiDhaaga, Apr 11, 2023

#21

Viswamitra likes this.
Apr 11, 2023 #22

SuiDhaaga IL Hall of Fame

Messages:

2,897

Likes Received:

2,012

Trophy Points:

308

Gender:

Female

lavani said: ↑

i though they give morphine for such extreme pains and even prescribe a little if they can. may be not sure .

rest cannot say anything. try to find some therapy for yourself. it is taking a toll on you
Click to expand...

I appreciate your input but,

Lol I like people who say go to therapy.

therapist themselves are in need of therapy more than anyone in society. One narcissist who drive people to therapy is a therapist himself

better to work with one’s pain and get concrete solutions, ie the best questions to ask the caregiver team

SuiDhaaga, Apr 11, 2023

SuiDhaaga, Apr 11, 2023

#22
Apr 11, 2023 #23

SuiDhaaga IL Hall of Fame

Messages:

2,897

Likes Received:

2,012

Trophy Points:

308

Gender:

Female

SGBV said: ↑

Doctors know better to give or not to give morphine to the patient. But, it is harmless to ask for it, and understand why it is not given or given only a smaller dose which is not adequate to relieve the pain.

When I went through a major surgery last year, i was in terrible pain post surgery which was nearly unbearable. I even cried loud and could not think of anything as the pain was so much. I had undergone 2 c-sections in the past, but never felt such unbearable post-op pain. I was always on pain killers until I was fully healed. So, this one was too confusing; hence we asked the doctors about it.

My doctor said, he feared some unusual internal bleeding and wanted to keep me conscious for 12 hrs post - op. Therefore, he has prescribed a very mild dose of morphine for the time being. counting my times for the next dose of morphine was the worst of all I have experienced in my life till date.
Holding my mom's hand and having my family caressing my head was the only pain killer that moment.

Lesson learnt from that incident is:
Ask your doctor. Sometimes they have a reason, sometimes they do mistakes. It is harmless to ask.
Be with the patient and give physical touch. This is a miraculous pain killer at times of extreme pain
Be patient... This too shall pass. Even though the waiting time may seen indefinite, it shall pass.
Click to expand...

OMG I hope you are healing well

how are you feeling now

health is wealth, health is wealth

I hope you are doing fine and have beautiful support system

thank you for encouraging, this too shall pass

you are brave to go through surgery

Last edited: Apr 11, 2023

SuiDhaaga, Apr 11, 2023

SuiDhaaga, Apr 11, 2023

#23
Apr 11, 2023 #24

SuiDhaaga IL Hall of Fame

Messages:

2,897

Likes Received:

2,012

Trophy Points:

308

Gender:

Female

MalStrom said: ↑

They give morphine in the hospital immediately after surgery. They put it in the IV for me and I had to press a button to get a fresh dose. It was very controlled and I could only press the button a certain number of times per hour. If I felt I needed more I had to summon the nurse.
Once you are discharged these days you only get regular painkillers, usually. Controlled substances now involve a lot of extra paperwork for the medical establishment so they are reluctant to prescribe it unless absolutely necessary.
Click to expand...

That looks like good system, ie press button and get painkiller as needed.

My Dad was always hesitant to take Tylenol, let alone narcotic type painkillers. Now after TAVR he is eagerly taking Aleve (same class as Tylenol)

Surgery is so scary. Having supportive family, caregiver, etc is priceless.

SuiDhaaga, Apr 11, 2023

SuiDhaaga, Apr 11, 2023

#24
Apr 11, 2023 #25

Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

Messages:

13,803

Likes Received:

24,785

Trophy Points:

538

Gender:

Male

SuiDhaaga said: ↑

Thank you for listing the priorities

My Dad is scared of going to ER, etc. He avoided hospitals before and He has been traumatized by this experience now

Very good point … if I get upset with some caregivers sooner or later it will surface when I speak to people in real life.

I am taking notes and advice from everyone here with a set of questions and either call or email the Nurse Practitioner ps on the TAVR team. you guys give great advice on what to ask. Everything something is amiss we think it’s an emergency and panic.

The Nurse Practitioners are different from the nurses in the ICU, one was impatient with Dad when he was screaming in pain and other was Ill-mannered nurse - but Dad was joking about the I’ll-mannered nurse in the hospital
Click to expand...

You are handling it well, in my opinion, after reading your response. Unfortunately, post TAVR recovery takes time and you and dad need to somehow manage this difficult period of uncertainty. If the surgeon told the surgery is successful, these are temporary phases of struggle and he should be alright soon. You are definitely organized and nothing to worry about.

Viswamitra, Apr 11, 2023

Viswamitra, Apr 11, 2023

#25

SuiDhaaga likes this.
Apr 11, 2023 #26

Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

Messages:

12,911

Likes Received:

30,984

Trophy Points:

540

Gender:

Female

SuiDhaaga said: ↑

... the nurse who was removing my Dads UV. I overheard her tell him that making noise will not help. What a B1tch. Okay I understand you don’t want me in the room but you think people like to scream in pain and show their weakness?
Click to expand...

"Making noise will not help" is quite an acceptable response from a caregiver to a patient. It has to be viewed in the context of the entire event. Sad to see the term you use above for someone who is providing care to your father.

the only thing stopping me from reporting her to our State Licensing Board for that comment
Click to expand...

For such reporting, there is the suggestion box in the lobby, not state boards.

SuiDhaaga said: ↑

...therapist themselves are in need of therapy more than anyone in society.
Click to expand...

Wrong.

Rihana, Apr 11, 2023

Rihana, Apr 11, 2023

#26

Mistt likes this.
Apr 11, 2023 #27

SuiDhaaga IL Hall of Fame

Messages:

2,897

Likes Received:

2,012

Trophy Points:

308

Gender:

Female

Viswamitra said: ↑

You are handling it well, in my opinion, after reading your response. Unfortunately, post TAVR recovery takes time and you and dad need to somehow manage this difficult period of uncertainty. If the surgeon told the surgery is successful, these are temporary phases of struggle and he should be alright soon. You are definitely organized and nothing to worry about.
Click to expand...

Thank you for the kind words

It is difficult, but I try

Thank you for your thorough post

I appreciate all of you!

Last edited: Apr 11, 2023

SuiDhaaga, Apr 11, 2023

SuiDhaaga, Apr 11, 2023

#27
Apr 11, 2023 #28

SuiDhaaga IL Hall of Fame

Messages:

2,897

Likes Received:

2,012

Trophy Points:

308

Gender:

Female

Rihana said: ↑

"Making noise will not help" is quite an acceptable response from a caregiver to a patient. It has to be viewed in the context of the entire event. Sad to see the term you use above for someone who is providing care to your father.

For such reporting, there is the suggestion box in the lobby, not state boards.

Wrong.
Click to expand...

Hello Rihana,

Ok you have a good point about "making noise will not help". I did not hear entire conversation. I was so upset that my Dad was suffering and that one soundbite just got to me.

And since I don't know the conversation in context, I don't know if the Nurse had any bad intent.

If there is any maliciousness on the Nurse's part, then a suggestion box in the lobby is a slap on the wrist, hence State Licensing Board. I don't think there was maliciousness on her part, otherwise my Dad will keep talking about it.

Going off on a tangent....
Based on other experiences with Hospitals, these "Patient-Advocacy" departments are all B.S. There was another incident several years ago where I went this route and the person was always on vacation. Had I approached an external 3rs party, the outcome would have been different.

But I think I understand when you say the the consequence must fit the action. If Nurse says "Boo" to a Patient, don't make a Federal case.

As for therapists and psychiatrists, I am speaking based on my experiences and interactions, hence my comment that lot of them are mentally troubled themselves.

Perhaps in your experience (whether it is you, family member, friend, etc) you have found some good ones.

I'm trying to work with the pain and stress. I actually find sarees, sewing and studying theraputic.

SuiDhaaga, Apr 11, 2023

SuiDhaaga, Apr 11, 2023

#28

Rihana likes this.
Apr 11, 2023 #29

swarnamary Gold IL'ite

Messages:

525

Likes Received:

572

Trophy Points:

188

Gender:

Female

As someone who has been dealing with hospital,doctors,nurses and related things knows how things are going on. we come across different kind of people, some who go above and beyond to help a patient, and some who acts lazy we get tired, some new comers who try their level best to help, sometimes we see some patients that are real rude and being unfair to health care workers making them do same work over and over and bothering them, when we see that kind of patients we get annoyed too..
its not so easy thing waiting in ER especially with elders, its not like how it use to be.. it take 4-5 hrs or more than that depending on places...

if he is so much in pain try to get other script from doctor as everyone suggested but but dont try to take alot of pain meds, as i remember dad dont want to take pain meds but since he might want to take it now as he is in pain.its very very hard to get off from pain meds i seen my daughter struggling very hard to wean from pain meds those were sleepless nights..

i been typing this msg from yday couldnt post it because of work busy now i am here you already got lots and lots of suggestions

swarnamary, Apr 11, 2023

swarnamary, Apr 11, 2023

#29
Apr 11, 2023 #30

Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

Messages:

13,803

Likes Received:

24,785

Trophy Points:

538

Gender:

Male

@SuiDhaaga

Discharge sheet may a lot of information written in a long-winded way. Convert some of the care related stuff mentioned in discharge sheet into bullet point and have them pinned in one of the walls in your dad's room. This might help. Intensity of pain is always measured in a scale of 1-10 and it would help if you drop a number to the nurses so that they can determine whether that level of pain needs a better painkiller.

Viswamitra, Apr 11, 2023

Viswamitra, Apr 11, 2023

#30

swarnamary likes this.

(You must log in or sign up to reply here.)

Page 3 of 4

Share This Page