Cannot Get My Dads Helpless Cries Out Of My Mind

Hugs to you. Usually doctors give a timeline of recovery and with heart surgery, even bistanders are educated on how to deal with it( not sure if it varies with hospital ).If not, you can still ask his doctor about it. May be that will relieve your stress. I have mentioned one and half months, the time to stop pain killers and healing of wounds if any. But each patient and case is different. So, please explore.

Please note that Ilites are giving you practical suggestions in different angles. It doesnt mean they are blaming or finding fault with your approach. May be validation is more comfortable to you or that you needed, but be open to suggestions and think that way too. That will give you different pathways to approach your problem.

 

@SuiDhaaga,

You have to have your priorities right:

Your #1 goal is to get your dad recover from his illness as quickly as possible.
Your #2 goal is to let the caregivers provide your dad what is needed to cure him quickly.
Your #3 goal is to facilitate making your dad as comfortable as possible.

If you have to get your dad recover from his illness quickly, you have to make notes on all of the advises of the caregivers and follow it meticulously. You can't pick and choose.

Whenever you say your dad will die than going to ER, it is a conflict. If he needs to go to ER for some reason, are you going to listen to your dad and keep quiet or will you bite the bullet and take him to ER as advised by the hospital?

Some patients do have higher tolerance for the pain while others don't. You can't sweat on needles and pricks at this point in time and you have to let the caregivers do whatever is needed to be done.

The caregivers of your dad have only one goal to get your dad recover quickly. Sometimes, they have to address his health and other times, they have to address his emotional reactions. You can't interfere in every one of their actions.

When you write bad about them here in IL, sooner or later, it will show up in all your interactions with the caregivers. If you are not satisfied with the caregiver, you need to discuss the options with your surgeon. But if he suggests your dad has to go to ER, you should be in a position to listen. The caregivers will say what is right for the patient's health and not what you or your dad would like to hear.

You need to really calm down in the best interest of your dad. If he suffers from pain, you tell him he will be alright soon. Take down all that your dad is reporting and ask all the questions first thing in the morning when you talk to the caregiver. Give them 24 hours before you ask the next set of questions. Ask them what you need to consider as an emergency and unless such things you encounter, you should not panick. They will be able to say one or two things as emergency situation. Because they are all so busy, they prefer patient's caregiver at home to be more organized and systematic. Only time, you need to interact with them is when you have questions. Leave them to treat your dad and don't be in their way.

 

i though they give morphine for such extreme pains and even prescribe a little if they can. may be not sure .

rest cannot say anything. try to find some therapy for yourself. it is taking a toll on you

 

Doctors know better to give or not to give morphine to the patient. But, it is harmless to ask for it, and understand why it is not given or given only a smaller dose which is not adequate to relieve the pain.

When I went through a major surgery last year, i was in terrible pain post surgery which was nearly unbearable. I even cried loud and could not think of anything as the pain was so much. I had undergone 2 c-sections in the past, but never felt such unbearable post-op pain. I was always on pain killers until I was fully healed. So, this one was too confusing; hence we asked the doctors about it.

My doctor said, he feared some unusual internal bleeding and wanted to keep me conscious for 12 hrs post - op. Therefore, he has prescribed a very mild dose of morphine for the time being. counting my times for the next dose of morphine was the worst of all I have experienced in my life till date.
Holding my mom's hand and having my family caressing my head was the only pain killer that moment.

Lesson learnt from that incident is:
Ask your doctor. Sometimes they have a reason, sometimes they do mistakes. It is harmless to ask.
Be with the patient and give physical touch. This is a miraculous pain killer at times of extreme pain
Be patient... This too shall pass. Even though the waiting time may seen indefinite, it shall pass.

 

They give morphine in the hospital immediately after surgery. They put it in the IV for me and I had to press a button to get a fresh dose. It was very controlled and I could only press the button a certain number of times per hour. If I felt I needed more I had to summon the nurse.
Once you are discharged these days you only get regular painkillers, usually. Controlled substances now involve a lot of extra paperwork for the medical establishment so they are reluctant to prescribe it unless absolutely necessary.