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can you talk about sex with your fiance?

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by whiteorchid, Sep 21, 2011.

  1. polymorphic

    polymorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    For most of us Indian girls we are raised in a very reserved ad protective society where though we know the details we dont know anything abt romance. Until marriage, we are monitored by our parents if our actions are attracting unwanted attention. But once you are engaged you are supposed to be romantic. How can that happen overnight? Dont worry after marriage and after few months I am sure you will be the more romantic one and your husband will be busy with work. I would say dont push him away!! Be smart and just keep laughing at things you dont want to answer :) once you are married and you start living with your dh you will def change. Every woman does.
     
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  2. nemesis

    nemesis Platinum IL'ite

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    Offtopic:

    Book: "Google and the science of quantification of human life".
    Author: Those who rely on google for everything.
     
  3. rechtsanwalt

    rechtsanwalt Senior IL'ite

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    AnuShri
    Thank you. Unfortunately, over-feminisation has tainted this debate to the point that men are now expected to conform to an androgynous metrosexual stereotype. It is a sentiment that is echoed by readers of a few news sites I visit (such as The Guardian).
     
  4. kottravai

    kottravai Gold IL'ite

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    Dear WhiteOrchid,
    Sorry for the late reply. Yes, I can understand why you might be a bit afraid of getting emotionally involved. That's ok yaar. You have already taken a step forward to lose the old baggage. Just continue on the same lines. You will get to know the person better with each progressing day, and you will learn to love the other person with all his good things as well as flaws. For us women, physical intimacy is only the last step, before which we require to be emotionally intimate. So, it is ok that you have these initial setbacks. As most of us mentioned earlier, just relax and tell your fiance that you need some time. I'm sure he will understand and would not offended. And trust me, once you are into it, there will not be any looking back - you wouldn't want to! ;-)
    Don't worry, you have got so many well-wishers here and our prayers will be there for you definitely.

    Cheers! :thumbsup Hope you get a :kiss soon ;-)!
     
  5. retina

    retina New IL'ite

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    its good to talk
     
  6. Sanguineme

    Sanguineme Silver IL'ite

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    Hi all,

    This is indeed an informative forum. I had also faced the same problem i did have a inhibition in the beginning but now i am fine. I have just two weeks for my marriage. I feel now i am prepared for the marriage. Without my would be's help i don't think i would have been able to be comfortable as this.
    Thanks all.
     
  7. drawal

    drawal New IL'ite

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    I am getting married next month.Our courtship period was 9 months long,i dont feel he loves me as much as he used to before.In the past as well i have felt that he does not understand me emotionally.In a relationship you want the other person to make you feel good by saying or just doing things, which he has not done. Ours was a long distance courtship. I sometimes feel i have loved him more all this while but now i have started feeling lesser love for him. Whenever we have met i have felt a hint of irresponsibility from his side towards me. Very evidently some of his friends had their dislike towards me in front of him but still he is friends with them, if i was at his place i would never talk to those friends ever.He stares(like really) at other ladies and has in the past kept not told me about him meeting his friends girlfriend. In the past he has been into a couple of relationships, abt which i have never asked him.I dont even now the names or the number of ex girlfrnz.
    It is an arannged marriage, i sometimes feel he is just getting married to me and not in love with me.
    Our conversation over the phone has reduced from 1-2 hours in the beginning to 20-30 minutes in 2-3 days. We do get intimate on phone, but when sometimes i dont show interest he does nt want to talk further, saying "had ur lunch/dinner" den i say no, and d answer comes "den do it, bbye".......oh yess the dialogues never change.It makes me feel very akward, Is it only about being physical even on phone.I know guys are not very good at undersatnding emotions, but i am not expecting him to b out of this world but just be there for me when i need him.
    I dont know what i should do. I dont even know what i am thinking is right or i m just nervous abt getting married. Plz help
     
  8. christine014

    christine014 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi drawal,
    I haven't followed the thread and just read your post and from what you've written I feel that maybe both of you are still not having a comfort zone together. But first off, it's really not acceptable on his part to just stare at other women in your presence or to keep you from interacting with his friends and their girlfriends. I'm not sure whether he respects you as much as you deserve to be respected. The fact that he's showing utmost interest in talking sex on the phone and the he's put off by you rejecting his advances shows that he's got a typical "bachelor" mindset. He's a single guy living alone, and he thinks mostly about sex and when he sees women, he objectifies them and he's doing the same with you. But if he thought of you as his future wife and as a part of his family he wouldn't have behaved the same way with you as he would with any random girl. I think you should find a suitable time when his mood is pleasant and try to tell him that you are expecting respect and love from his side and that you have love for him and you wish for him to reciprocate the same. DO NOT get emotional while having such a talk, because you will only become more vulnerable to him and he will lose his cool and complain about you being clingy or too attached or he might say you are blowing things out of proportion. Be firm and hold your ground whenever you talk to him. Since you still have time until your wedding, please think about everything and weigh your options before taking any step, because if the same problem arises after marriage you will only feel more hopeless. Good luck, dear.
     
  9. juslikuimagined

    juslikuimagined New IL'ite

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    Just consider this...

    Ur fiance say is abt 27 and u say he is a good person. For all those years he has been around many beautiful women and interacted with them but he has been saving himself just for YOU. Do you think he deserves to be rewarded?:thumbsup
     
  10. destinedfate

    destinedfate Silver IL'ite

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    You are a very lucky girl! I just got married and i wish my engagement period was like that. At least you have someone showing interest in wanting a honeymoon with you, or care enough to know when YOU want kids.. Yes its very different and awkward at first, but trust me enjoy and cherish every moment, you are one of the lucky ones who has got a guy who cannot wait to start his life with you. Goodluck to you!
     

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