Can you explain this behaviour by parents?

Hello
I come from a family of 3 siblings. I am the youngest and have an elder brother and elder sister. My parents are very cautious about money and we survived our entire childhood on bare minimals (No toys, no parties, no pocket money etc). But they gave us all a good education and we are doing well.

My sister got married to a relative when I was in final year and the marriage soured a lot of relations as my parents got upset over the dowry they asked (It was not too much and my parents cud afford it, but they thought why are they asking etc). Anyways I got married and I spent most of the money for my wedding. My parents contributed very less.. then my brothers wedding came and my parents spent the wedding expense as my bhabhi is from a very poor family.

Now, we are all well settled.. my parents have 2 houses and no loans. They have enough investments, jewels etc. I and my husband are doing ok for ourselves and we do not expect anything from my parents. From childhood we all know that the houses etc will go to my brother after my parents. My brother is a very very nice person not at all money minded.

Now for my sister, she is struggling with her in-laws and has not made any saving because they gave all their money to their in-laws. My parents had a nice piece of land in the city and my sister asked for it, she said she will pay for it. My dad said we dont intend to sell it and finally within one month sold it. My sister and all of us were shocked as me and my brother asked them to give it to my sister. Then they bought 2 small pieces of land for me and my sister (sister's land is bigger). I told them I dont need any land etc but my parents insisted. For my sister they got the land and they asked her to pay the remaining amount which she did.

Now what hurt me the most is, they have enough money that they gave nearly 1 lakh to my bhabi's parents just like that but went to the extent of getting that same money from my sister. Why would they do that? When they have extra money they decide to buy jewels for my bhabhi or just keep it, but my sister wants to buy a property in the city and cannot afford it. She has given some money to my parents to search but my parents have not even offered that if it is little extra they will pay etc.

What are they going to do with all the money? I wish I could help my sister, she holds no grudge against my parents but this is something I talk to my DH and for lack of any ideas I thought I will ask here. This is something that I want to understand..

 

Thank you all. I dont want to ask my parents anything about this as I understand it is their hard earned money and it is upto them to decide how to spend it. Me and my mom are very close and we talk every day so whenever such stuff come up my mom automatically tells me and I just casually say things like .. "If you can, you should just tell sister that you can waive off that money etc" .. I know you suggested that I should be able to help her, I would if I can afford it.. TRUST me ..

Actually my brother is in a government job and my SIL is also not working.. So my parents feel that he will need the financial help and like I said we are perfectly fine with it. Even now my brother and his family just depend on my parents for everything financially since they live together. My parents keep asking him to give his salary etc but he gives some money and takes that also back for various reasons. And yes, my SIL is very lucky :rotfl

I want to somehow hint to my parents that it is ok to spend money .. I do agree that maybe they think that we are 2 gals and hence will not help them in their old age, but my SIL and brother will help types. (I do doubt if my SIL ever will and my brother has directly told me if dad is there after mom you better take care of him ... they dont get along at all).

I actually got this discussion going in IL because 6 months ago my sister borrowed some money from my mom and she had to go through hell to return it. When we were talking my sister sort of told me that story and I felt bad. So I casually got it up to my mom... for that my mom said "If they borrowed they should return right? whatever scenario occurs". That sort of hurt me .. same day she told me "Dad said we should buy more jewels for my SIL as she has only 50 sovereigns." She dint have anything when she got married as she is very poor and I have like 10 sovereigns maybe .. so that sort of made me sad.

 

Thanks.. I know my brother and he is really not at all money minded. He is very irresponsible and that is the only word I can use for his lack of financial commitment to his parents and more so because my parents never pass the bill to him. They drive everything in the house.

I think this is a good suggestion .. I should tell my parents to do whatever they want to do for my DIL and family without telling my sister. Atleast that way my sister will never know or feel like she is being treated in an unfair manner. Again I want to make it clear that neither or my siblings have discussed this with me and my sister has never told anything about my parents behavior or the fact that they could have helped her etc. This is something I feel as I constantly see them behave this way. I dont bring this up with my sister cos if she hasnt been feeling bad about it, I dont want to bring up this idea to her.

I helped them a lot monetarily when I was unmarried and infact I was the only child who was working and sent them money every month, so maybe they feel that I have done something for them. They dont behave like that with me, but again I have never had to borrow money from them and my husband is totally against depending on them for anything monetarily. But if they did, I would definitely have told them directly..