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Can We Trust This Person Again?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by anika987, Oct 18, 2022.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Person A:

    1) She copies everything back to back.

    2) If I tell her my idea of what I want to do,she does it first.

    3) If I tell her I don’t want to do a particular something like attend a party..somehow the next party immediately will be in her house.

    4) She overdoes everything in my co sister place and somehow I end up being the third person. They both end up talking only to each other even though I try to involve myself.

    5) Even a small thing like ..if I want to run with my kid..she will tell me kid like “Let’s run and we will see who wins..your mom or me”..I just lose the fun spirit.

    5) Be it dressing to dancing..I could sense competition.

    6) comparing kids height and weight.

    7) Overly self praising.

    lastly my gut instinct strongly gives me a red flag and brutally feel she is cunning.

    Person B:

    1) Day 1 of meeting my co sister..she snubbed me at the engagement.

    2) My bro in law blindly supports her and she uses him as her mouth piece everytime.

    3) I made a lot of effort and tried to be nice, helpful and was always there in need be it doctor visit or kitchen help or any emergency..I was there.Somehow I never felt the same reciprocation but since each one is different I was okay.At the end of the day it is after all family I felt.one should not have expectations.

    4) When kids were born..she started comparing saying she is having the most difficult time (my mil had compared me with her and she was taking that anger on me)
    I was hurt and still okay..

    5) Words like “Can you become pregnant again like me?” You know how tough is second pregnancy..things like that..

    Person A and person B became buddies and I realized They mostly ask me only for help..

    To top it..at a party,my relatives humiliated me saying that their granddaughter will poop if she sees my face..the child had pooped in my house once when she sat near me and they thought it was funny to make the above comment and I was taking it seriously..

    Overall I felt so hurt coz I have endured it for years and I cut them off..

    my relatives told me that I am way too sensitive and my perception of truth is wrong..

    So I don’t have any relatives around anymore and my kid miss their cousins.

    I told my hubby if he wants he can meet the family but I cannot coz I feel
    Hurt. My husband told me told that I need to let go and forgive them and talk to them again and he just cannot understand how hurt I feel..he seems so emotionally unavailable..I feel so disappointed..

    Should I get back with them? Am left in confusion and no one seems to support me..I just gave a jist of the above..am I being the wrong one? If I am..let me know..I want to see things the right way..

  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    No, you are not being unreasonable. You should not feel forced to keep in contact with people who don’t respect you. Your husband is free to visit them on his own and take your kid if she wants to go.
    anika987 likes this.
  3. sociallifein30s

    sociallifein30s Gold IL'ite

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    you are not being unreasonable at all ! if you are not comfortable, you just cant be around them.
    I think they dont have a life better than to bully you. You have other things to do , so go ahead.

    Kids missing cousins, well, they can always make new friends.
    anika987 likes this.
  4. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    Be reasonable to you. Because it is YOU that should live with YOU forever. Not others!

    If you feel hurt, if you feel insulted, if you feel neglected, if you feel bullied and if your instinct strongly say something is not right, then believe it. Accept your feelings. Don't expect other's validations. No one can understand your feelings other than you.

    Now that, you need to find a way to communicate your feelings to others in a convincing manner. That's how you can maintain relationships in a long run.

    Not just you, but many of us have been in your shoes some or the other ways. Be it friends, relatives, colleagues or even family. There are people who are made up with different ingredients. Some are nice, yet cunning. Some are emotional yet strong. Some are aggressive yet caring. You name it...
    There is no black & white when it comes to people's behavior. There is no good or bad person, but different people have different degrees of good and bad, which we have to chose like a swan if we are to mingle with them.

    My SIL is very similar to the person A. She copies everything I do, from the hair to the dress to child care to investments. She wants to be like me!
    Am I upset about it? Nope.
    I admire this secret fan, and feel like a celebrity.
    I chose what I share with her. That's how I control her presence in my life.

    My MIL shares some of the qualities with person B. But she is much more evil than this one.
    Do I care? Nope
    I give it back then and there. I make her feel dump for being insensitive.
    This doesn't go well with each other, but at least I am happy that I no longer receive craps from her.

    You should stop expecting validation from others. Stop proving yourself!
    You are in your 40s, and have enough experience to understand life.
    Let them believe whatever they know/heard about you. Even if they add a few more, never mind.
    You absolutely have no time explaining them or clearing the mud they throw at you.

    Do what your mind says. Plan and act mindfully when communicating your feelings!
    anika987 likes this.
  5. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

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    You have one life---live it the way you want! Who said what/did what years or months ago- why bother?
    Be happy with the person you are! Kids can make new friends.
    anika987 likes this.

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