Can This Be Called As An Act Of Abuse?

What's the purpose of your post then??

 

This appears to be a survey: Abuse or Something-else, with two buttons to click for the respondents.
<I edit-corrected the gender-benders on the OP, after Laks09 pointed that out>
The added bonus is for the OP (who apparently likes her (should be his) quiet father, and not the had-fought-for-my-rights mummy) to gather supplemental information, and suggestions for survival of her (should be his) pop in that two person household.

I am partly with Rihana on this. The reason for the "partly" is that I am not at all sure that Pop wanted to send the money in the first place, wholeheartedly, and had his own doubts. And therefore the last minute consult with "his beloved" is to garner the assuredly negative vote on the matter from her, and then convince the daughter (should be "son", our OP) that he was all heart, but the wife wouldn't let him do it. If a man was going to "just do it", an he knows that his wife always veto's his every move, why would he tell her about it at all ? It was all a big put up job.

Just my 2 cents.

If the man really seeks a strategy to send money to his sister(s) with the full acquiescence of his loud-beloved, here is a very simple trick: Convince the wife that if they don't send the money, they'd have to take in the poor relatives and have them live together as a collective family. That would clinch the deal. Money will flow, just to keep the poor relatives at a safe distance.

 

Thanks for pointing that out.

 

Op....generally there is a history behind this kind of behavior.
Not always though ...some women can be abusive without reason too.
But in most cases where one partner in a long marriage becomes set in such behavior,there may be a history.

Usually in Indian marriage....specially in your mom's time ,the young bride had very little say in her life.
She was often ignored by husband and treated less than nicely by the husband's family.
It is considered normal and most women in the past lived that life.

Slowly over time ,this young bride has children and becomes older and wiser and wants more say in how her life,home and children live.

This is not given easily to her and she has to find ways, whether right or wrong to get a say in her life.
She may find some weakness that she can use to get what she wants.
Everything is fair in her unfair world ....because she has one life too.

Slowly the abusive relatives have less influence in her life and husband is also a little more under control....but by now,this behavior becomes a habit.

It is easier to stay this way and get your way than change.There is also this constant fear of losing ground again.

Talk to them .
Talk to your mother.Listen her out.
She may have a story to tell.
Talk to your dad.
Then talk to them together.
Ask them to find another way of communication .
Ask them to let go of the past and start afresh .
See if it works.
They are your parents.The effort is worth it if they can resolve this issue.

 

Have you heard grumbling and loud banging of vessels in the.kitchen and bang of the thali, what feels a emotional abuse, at many times means a vent to release their anger.. it is so easy to chalk it to abuse, and i agree it feels abuse..but then your, the so silent and society conscious and what will the neighbours think father, has enabled it.

A lot can be solved by communication.
There is a difference between..
1.I am sending this money..this is information..(can be interpreted as just that or i have decided, you have no say)
2. She needs money, i think we can send some, what do you think?? ( i am sure even if the sil has abused/ill treated her in the past, she would say yes..please give..namma veetu ponnu..daughter of our family..)..
I believe she is his life partner for atleasr 35-40 yrs and if it has come to her loud shoutings and grumblings it could mean more than just her anger..it could mean more than what meets the eye..

As kids, we have a way of forming a opinion..sometimes the silent people pleasing dad could be more emotionally abusive while the loud shouting mom looks so from outside.( i am.sure you may not agree) but it is seen across many households, especially where women have been in joint families, struggled in ways and in later stages,when the kids are settled, become like erupted volcanoes that lie dormant waiting to release pressure and it will not stop...triggers i say, cause pressure release everytime..that is why healing is important..

In many cases these are the very same women, who end up doing the same to their kid's spouses ..because they tell themselves i will not do this..the mind is very tricky..i have mentioned this many a time here too..positive affirmations are better than positve negative..

Aammanda ava katha arambicchuta..(yes she has started to shout) instead if he would take the time to talk to her it would ne better i believe..aging gracefully emotionally happens with mutual support.

You don't need to involve into their matters but when you meet her, hug her, sit with her and talk to her..just like that..allow her to talk about her early days and more..how they managed, and all, you maybe surprised..

We this gen want a label on everything so it fits into a compartment..it is ok to label no arguments about that..but it is a must to take time out and look at it from a neutral 3rd perspective..

I hope your parents have more peace and satisfaction as time passes..