Can parents arrange for love????

Hello dear,
Great way of asking questions...........i simply appreciate instead of starting a debate on love marraige and arranged marraige ......the way the title has been used - I SIMPLY LIKED IT.:thumbsup

Well........it made me think to write in my thoughts here and the second day today i have gathered material to be typed.

First.........PARENTS CAN SUCCESSFULLY ARRANGE FOR LOVE.
Parents- the two beautiful souls who arranged for us to come into this world.
Parents- who arranged for us to study and make us ourselves self sufficient .
Parents- who go from post to pillar to arrange a suitable life partner for us. ( in my case i came to know later that my parents had to see many many horoscopes so that a suitable one matches mine)
Though parents arrange for us or we arrange ourselves for us- Love is not the only thing on which our life can be kept running.
For a good marraige life- mature thinking, strong support,sincerity and yes offcourse money is also required with lots of love and methods of expressing love.
A partner can bring about a change in the other with patience and make both their lives beautiful and worth living.

My grandpa had shown a quote to me which had once come up in TOI.
'' Love marriage is like a hot kettle of tea kept on the gas stove which is turned off.
Arranged marriage is like a kettle of tea kept on the gas stove which is turned on"
So from time immemorial i had got a mindset that arranged marriage can be more gud.........and am happy with what god destined it for me
God destined it and send my parents to arrange it and then it was in my hands to make it blossom like a garden with some flowers blooming or withering and again blooming or to make it become a dessert - dry.

I chose the first option and so am busy in my garden.........planting flowers...taking out the withered flowers and planting new ones.......and hope to survive with elders blessings and also the persons who arranged it for both of us and lastly the ALMIGHTY'S

So my support is for Arranged marriage.

Love,
Parvathi.

 

Hi Gaya3/Gayathri,

I read your thread with interest along with the many points of view expressed in the fbs...

I belong to an older generation where arranged marriages were the norm but love marriages were not uncommon. Some of my friends chose their life partners and have a very happy marriage.

As you can guess, mine was arranged by my parents and I second every word written by Parvathy in her fb.

Experience taught us that marriage is a compromise with many ups and downs, it is up to the couple to make it a successful partnership. We have made made a flower bloom in the Garden (I am borrowing Paru's beautiful idea here) in the form of memorable events. Now Our garden has grown into the third generation with two lovely grandchildren...

Just my:my2cents

I think your thread is really :cool2:, gave me an opportunity yo air my views!

Thank you, Gayathri,

Love,
Padma

 

Hi there,

I think either way the couple should have affection and maturity enough to work things out when confronted with challenges.

Either type of marriage has a risk of failure.

Btw, how do you define love?
I would not equate physical attraction+good conversation to love although that is what is popularly portrayed in the media.

 

Yup !! Even I would not equate it to that. As I said in my earlier post I even do not understand unconditional love

 

There have been arranged marriages with love and without love. There are love marriages too which are successful and unsuccessful.

Ultimately, it all depends on the person - If he/she wants to MAKE or BREAK the relationship.

No one else can arrange the love for any couple.

 

Well marriage is the union of two hearts.
In arranged marriage parents HOPE:thumbsup that their son/daughter will love their better-half and live happily ever after. Cant blame them , its the dream of every parent.
In love marriage they find the love by themselves and HOPE that they will have a better life. Cant blame them too because its LOVE

I personally think that whether its arranged marriage or Love marriage, Hope and trust always play a vital role to be successful or unsuccessful .

 

Its a Nice topic! Meaning not many controversies to be discussed or not a topic that provokes discussion!

Rather a topic that gives us a self analysis of ourselves and the time and type of society we live in.

There are two questions that is the essence of this very thread:

1. Can Parents Arrange for Marriage?

2. Can parents arrange for love?

I have a few opinions here.

firstly marriage and love is not different that we have to see them as two different things! Love is a part of marriage and marriage is a very great and beautiful institution that helps both the main persons involved to learn the institution of family against their premarital life that had involved only those ppl being a part of the family and enjoyed the family institiution without any responsibilities.


secondly on arranging for two person's lives there are some concepts that had led to this single aspect to be put in two questions

Lets have it like this Then and Now.


Then:


In Olden Days arranged marriages always happenend through a mediator who is known to both the sides - or mostly marriages happend through a relative commojn to both the sides and the person would know the nature of both the boy and the girl and It worked out successfully in most of the cases.

Marriages happened at an early age - when ppl just completed their teens.They had no major responsibilities than doing as per the elders suggestions and giving their opinions on issues at times.


Both the guys and the girls side had an emotional attachment considering each others as relatives once the marriage is decided.

Both the guy and the girl wanted to keep each other happy and thus prove themselves for their family.

but..

NOW:

Marriages happen through forums (no one verifies if the pair is compatible by looking at their charachters)

Couple have their own responsibilities( a-z now right from household chores to finances functions etc etc) because of nuclear families or rather elders keeping themsleves aloof from the couple.

marriages happen in middle or later part of twenties and the pair have developed their own charachters strongly - when the guy and girl meet for a marriage proposal - there are more conditions laid down from both the sides

Both the guy and girl want to be staunch in sticking to the conditions laid down at the time of marriage and do not compromise even on small things related to their families in the name of standing by their parents and being for their parents post marriage also.

In these days even in love marriages people fall for each other and rather still want to be more individualistic than being there for each other.

Simply there is more ego in play in recent ages than in olden days where affection took the stage at the individual and even at the parents level.

Only when people understand the essence of life this would change.

 

i feel

its luck, in both cases you take a risk - u might get a good husband in arranged marriages and bad one in love marriage and vice versa

Its for the girl to decide:

if they girl has not been raised in an environment where she has never taken important decisions in her life like: which career to choose? when to get married? which dresses to wear? talk to boys or not? - then let the parents decide on this too - they will make a better decision

if the girl is very independent and does not feel that she can compromise on certain things in her life (though she might have to do compromises later also) - then select someone yourself else you will trouble your parents later

both type of marriages can break if compromises are not there from both sides.....its difficult to love a person your whole life :biglaugh

 

nice topic

whether it is a love marriage or an arranged marriage, LOVE is quintessential part of life...either of these marriages would fail if there is lack of understanding, love between the couple...marriage irrespective of the 2 kinds can be made successful only by the couple...

I had ofcourse longed for love marriage but mine was an arranged one and am really happy the way it is...i've found a perfect partner and my love has blossomed after marriage the only reason i had preferred love to arranged was that i would get to know the person beforehand..in arranged marriages love happens automatically as u start to discover ur spouse and love them for what they are and i feel this is the best way of a love in marriage