1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Can Marriage Be Purely Platonic?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by anayasree, Jul 10, 2018.

  1. Happysoul15

    Happysoul15 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    6
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    Please get the treatment to overcome your fear so you and your husband can enjoy your married life. You are missing out on so much.
     
  2. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,057
    Likes Received:
    829
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Male
    Why don't you increase the frequency and turn the sometimes to many times? That will be the first step, but you definitely need to solve this issue with medical help, i don't know how your DH survived this long.
     
  3. anayasree

    anayasree Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    44
    Likes Received:
    50
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female

    okay, so what kind of a doctor should I approach? A regular Gyn will be able to help me in this? Please, can anyone share what should I do to get counselling? Where do I start?
     
  4. silentlistener

    silentlistener Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    305
    Likes Received:
    239
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Male
    Sorry for the late reply. I was without internet for the past 5 days.

    Please go through my previous post in this thread dated July 13th.

    The condition you are suffering from, Vaginismus, has two components : one physical another psychological.

    A team approach is required. You need to be approached simultaneously both by a gynecologist and a psychiatrist

    The gynaecologist job is to examine the rare conditions like very tight Hyman et cetera to rule out organic reasons preventing entry. And thus the gynaecologist reassures you that there is no organic stuff preventing entry at your introitus.

    Once this physical reassurance is done by the gynecologist then the psychiatrist starts the psychological reassurance that is by cognitive behavioral therapy ( CBT).

    You will need multiple sessions of such physical examination and physical reassurance by a gynaecologist and multiple sessions of cognitive behavioral therapy by a psychiatrist and a close coordination between these two specialists.

    2 years into married life and not having consummated the marriage at all , warrants definite and immediate intervention by these two specialists.

    Mind you , cognitive behavioral therapy has grown very fast in the last 10 years and the success rates of cognitive behavioral therapy is resoundingly high.

    Try to find out who is the good female psychiatrist in your area. Female psychiatrists will be better in handling this particular issue.

    Meet your general practitioner( the family doctor) and find out who is the good female psychiatrist in your locality.

    Meet her as soon as you can, after meeting the gynecologist. Show this post to both.

    Give us an update here, after meeting both

    I understand @pinky2cute is a post graduate medical doctor. I request her to give her comments here
     
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2018
    BhumiBabe and anayasree like this.
  5. pinky2cute

    pinky2cute Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    949
    Likes Received:
    1,063
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks for the mention dear.

    OP,
    ypu had vaginismus even before pregnancy. You said you had pregnancy via IVF...
    So he never could penetrate you?
    But you had normal delivery.... And its not uncommon to continue to have vaginismus post delivery too.

    What you need is a good gynec. No need of psychiatrist but you need a pelvic floor therapy.... Which i think your gyn can tell you. Some places there are people trained as "pelvic floor therapist".

    P.S. your husband is really undersranding and caring. But if you neglect physical intimacy it will affect overall relationship between husband and wife....so do not delay in taking help.
     
    silentlistener and anayasree like this.
  6. anayasree

    anayasree Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    44
    Likes Received:
    50
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you for the replies. I shall check with my OBGYN.
     
  7. anayasree

    anayasree Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    44
    Likes Received:
    50
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi wonderful ladies,

    I have a positive update to this thread and wanted to thank all the wonderful ladies that responded. After posting this thread, I got in touch with my OBGYN but all she did was write a numbing gel prescription for me. That did not help at all. I was still in hating-sex stage but recently my DH talked to me openly about how this is affecting our married life. I am so happy to share that without any medical help we finally did IT yesterday. It has been 8 years and now it makes me wonder why I delayed it so long. It was not painful as I had imagined and I think I am finally over the hating it stage. I know this is a very late update, but this thread was always in my mind as a reminder of what a big hole was there in my married life. So yes, it is possible to overcome vaginismus, I am a living proof though it took a very long time. Just wanted to share my happiness here as this is something that I really cant share with anyone else.

    Thanks all again! :)
     
  8. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,293
    Likes Received:
    1,504
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    good to know you saved your marriage.
    a marriage can be totally platonic if both husband and wife are disinterested in intimacy, if one has interest and other doesnt then its an issue.
    anyways not too late and you both have a long way to go.
     
    anika987 and anayasree like this.
  9. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,575
    Likes Received:
    3,328
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    Great update!
    Lucky to have a supporting dh with lot of patience! You can make up for the lost time, a long way to go. I read that some people have reduced symptoms of vaginismus after pregnancy, not sure if thats the case with you.
    Enjoy!
     
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2021
    anayasree and KashmirFlower like this.
  10. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    8,202
    Likes Received:
    11,921
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    No one rule fits all.Nothing is important in this world if it is not done organically, a necessity or something that you personally want.World will say zillion things to fit in but no one knows the thoughts and patterns in your head and your situations.

    There are people who live a celibate life,people who are not married ,people who are childless and people who do not want a child.

    The society will perceive them to be unhappy or different but truth to be told,they can and are happy totally in their own life.

    Lot of our self doubts,questions and whether we are doing things right arises from other people’s insecurities.Their needs are not your needs and their situation is not the same as yours.

    If something is really important to you..relax,communicate or even counseling might help.

    There is NOTHING MANDATORY in this world unless it is a necessity in YOUR LIFE.

    Your physical and emotional health is more important than anything.Self care is not selfish.

    You be relaxed first and you as a couple be happy doing whatever hobbies, outings or anything you guys love.

    Right now the physical act shouldn’t be a chore or forced or just to conceive.Take a small break.

    Things will work in it’s due course.self healing is important.

    Good luck and God bless
     
    Bubbles, shama146 and chanchitra like this.

Share This Page