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Can I Bust My Mil?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Reena26, Nov 22, 2016.

  1. Reena26

    Reena26 Senior IL'ite

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    The other problem is - my inlaws won’t leave the house or mix with others. They just want to stay with their son in the home. But they do no work. My father in law says labor work is undignified for educated people. So he sleeps and watches tv all day and my mother in law walks around the subdivision. They just talk and gossip all day long. They expect us to do the same. But here, you have to work hard. There are no services, no domestic help, no drivers. They want me to do everything since they gave me an educated son. I contribute too - I take care of my son and household. They also like to go everywhere together. To “keep an eye on us”
     
  2. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    She can only try, the kicking out can only be done by your husband. Is he okay with you? Don't do things that you will deeply regret in old age.
    If your DH has told you to go to parents house when they are around, then do that. Whatever you are thinking now will seriously backfire. Just bear with them for sometime. You just watch and see how they will get payback. No bad deed goes unpunished.
     
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2020
  3. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Seems like you are in a good situation now. Your DH realizing and standing by you is huge. There won't be much anyone can do when you have his backing.

    Since they won't be coming anytime soon, with the flight situations, this isn't a short term worry. Don't ruin your peace of mind by thinking about it. Also, since your DH has ensured no contact, you probably should trust him about the short duration of the visit and you being able to leave when they are around. That's a lot of relief right there. Don't worry about changing them or them living in the era and Americanizing them. They are getting a consequence for their actions. Make peace with it, don't ruin your present by thinking about all the past injustices and know that they don't have access to you because of their actions.
     
    Reena26 likes this.
  4. Reena26

    Reena26 Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you! It’s just a real struggle when they come as they are so controlling. They come to my home and use their position of elders to get what they want, make the younger generation listen to them, make me do what they want. They know that they can say whatever they want to me, behave however they want, do what they want because they are his parents and he won’t be divorcing them. But if I reply back they can threaten me, yell and scream at me. I know we don’t just respect our elders by reason of their physical age. But by their mature behaviour and experience. So it is not right. And our kids teach us - we learn from them. So they should be respected too. But my husband said I am free to go anytime and they won’t be contacting me. So I am happy.
     
  5. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    Op

    I guess you are much younger than me so I want to advise you something. I had suffered lot because of in laws and still feel angry on them. I regret I let them affect my peace of mind, created fights between me and my husband, ruined prime years of my life. I wish I had tackled differently. Whenever they hurt you write in diary or paper which your husband can read time to time. Try to talk to in laws, husband same time with normal tone without screaming or crying. Write down your feelings and try to sort out same time. Give them eye contact and ask if their behavior is fair or reasonable? Think about bigger picture and plan for future. Don’t loose mind for small things. Learn meditation if possible. Focus on your physical mental health. Try not to think about them at all.
     
    sarvantaryamini likes this.
  6. Reena26

    Reena26 Senior IL'ite

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    I don’t know if your inlaws were verbally abusive though. That’s my issue. My mother in law uses fear tactics to scare me, they also use their position as elders as a method of trying to control me. Once they come from India and enter my home in the USA - they establish control by telling us we have to listen to them. They know they can behave however we want to, do whatever they want to, say whatever they want to because they are my husbands parents and ultimately he won’t be divorcing them. But if I say something - they lash out at me, threaten to call my parents and threaten divorce - like little children. Now my son is older - almost 8 and he is “Americanized” as he is growing up here. My inlaws are the type that don’t think before they speak anything. My husband has told me I can leave and go stay at my mothers home as he understands their nature. I have to think about my mental health and my child’s safety first. I am thinking if I should get a protective order for my son and myself if they come and try to threaten me.
     
  7. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    Op

    if they are going to come you plan your trip to your parents house while they are in u s. Let them do all housework then they will realize how hard it is. Why don’t u try that option.
     
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2020
  8. Pinkrose80

    Pinkrose80 New IL'ite

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    If your MIL gave you a lot of grief, I'd be VERY tempted to get her into trouble. BUT, I dont like dirt on my hands. If you have some patience, Karma will run its course. If you get lucky, you get to watch the show too.
     

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