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Can I be an independent women as I was before?

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by sng, Jun 21, 2011.

  1. sng

    sng Senior IL'ite

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    Hey Ladies,

    This is really a helpful forum. Whenever I feel like I have some problems to discuss, I always come here and vent out everything without thinking about anything...

    I was getting really a handsome salary in MNC before DD was born. Due to circumstances, I left work after that....Now she is 2.5 yrs old and I want to start work again...but problem is -

    * I am not much confident now..I have to study again to recover the gap...I feel like naive in my field now..Is it so long gap that I can not start it again?
    * DH is super busy...can not expect any help from him...even he discourages me...so no mental support even.....ILs and Parents are very far...I can not expect any help from them.
    * If I start any company, I have to give 10-11 hrs including traveling time becz of traffic...DD can go to daycare for 9:30 to 6:30 only...not more than that..
    * How should I schedule my day when I have to leave home at least 8:30am till 7pm...Who will get her ready for school and who will pickup her from school and after that who will play with her....

    Truly, speaking, my mind stops working whenever I think about all these questions....I am not able to make my schedule about how can it work?

    I am sure there r many moms who are doing it without any help...I want ur opinion ladies....how do u do?...pls give me ur schedule....how to make it possible?...I am really in need...I want to start my career again...pls help me
     
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  2. mathu903

    mathu903 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I can totally understand you. Taking the decision to get back to work after such a long gap is a big thing. I am happy that you have decided to do it and I am sure you would be able to manage it.
    Check if you can get a baby sitter or the types who can stay with your child at home. Or else, look for some Day Cares which is close to your work place. That way you can drop your child on the way to work and pick her when you are coming back.
    Choose what works out best for you. I am not sure which is your line of work. If you can get some flexi work hours or some work from home option which you can exercise after reaching home a little early, then nothing like that. A lot of companies are nowadays being sensitive to the women's needs and are providing such facilities.
    Check if anything works for you.
    All the best to kickstart your career once again!!
     
  3. sng

    sng Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks Mathu for ur magic words..

    Actually, I also want flexible hours for work...but you know first you have to prove urself then only you will get this type of work...I am very far away from that point...I just started reading my old books..God knows if I would be able to get job somewhere near by...:spin I dono I am very low confident about myself..

    At home it is very hard to do any work with DD. I can not think working from home option with her...:hide: Daycare time is 9 to 6...only that time is possible to get work done..I am looking some help before 9 and after 6 for an hour atleast....But, didnt get anything success yet..
     
  4. mathu903

    mathu903 Gold IL'ite

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    First of all dont lose your confidence. When it comes to an interview I think your confidence if of utmost importance. Even over your technical skills. Even if you dont get a job within the first couple of interviews dont lose your heart. Interview is not judjing what you know. Its just about whether the things you know are asked on that day and whether you were able to convey what you know. Just like an Exam! So prepare well. Keep your morale high. Once the ball starts rolling, things will automatically fall into place.. Good Luck!
     
  5. Dhaanika

    Dhaanika Gold IL'ite

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    SNG, Like Mathu903 said, first off, trust yourself that you can do it. A big part of getting hired is convincing people you're the person for that job - unless you trust yourself, how will that happen? :)

    That aside, starting a family is a perfectly legitimate reason people end up having a break in their careers, and if you're feeling anxious about joining back, its only natural. You will be anxious, stressed, and even guilty at times - but trust me, you will thank yourself a few years down the line for making the decision to go back to work. So hang in there if it gets tough.

    Here are a few pointers to get back in the game:

    1. Get back in touch with your ex-colleagues from previous jobs. Network, network, and then some more. Not only will this help you figure out what you need to do to get hired, it will also help you shift gears mentally. You will be thinking proactively about getting back into your career, and that helps.
    2. Sudden transitions will be tough for you and the family. Try to phase it out. If you're planning on studying or advanced training, set up a home-office with "do not disturb mommy hours". It will help you focus on work and you can put in relatively short periods of times where you can intently focus on your work/study. At the same time, it will help your family understand that things need to change some around in the house, that you can't always be there anymore and they will have to respect that. Practicing this from the outset helps tremendously! Especially with a little child at home.
    3. Your DH might be hesitant to think about suddenly disrupting the nice routine all of you have settled into, so its only natural that he isn't too thrilled about the idea. Also, your DD is young right now. So, when you talk to him, talk about how much going back to work means for you, and how much happier you will be if you went back. Promise slow changes, promise to work with him on any issues, and tell him how much his support will mean for you. If he's a reasonable guy, he should understand and be willing to work it out with you.
    4. Don't worry about managing chores and stuff for now. You will have to delegate some of the chores around the house. So remember, we think about the crossing the bridge when we get to it. You can always hire some help, negotiate work hours, and figure something out when the time comes.
    5. For now, I would suggest - focus on getting hired - brush up your resume, your old networks, figure out if you need advanced training, start sending out the resume. By the time things get figured out, your DD will be relatively older and probably ready to go to school. She'll have to learn to be independent from the get go, and trust me, as much as we think its hard, if you transition her from the very beginning it will be easier than you think. And she will also thank you for raising her like that.
    6. Lastly, don't get disheartened if people tell you its tough. In fact, if you suspect people, family who are only going to discourage you, just keep this thought to yourself and don't utter a word to anyone until something works out. Its tough for sure, but very rewarding if you do care about your career - so just hang in there. We'll be happy to extend the help and support when you need it.
     
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  6. sng

    sng Senior IL'ite

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    Thankyou Ladies,

    Dhanika and Mathu...you do not know how much ur words are valuable for me...Thanks for such a help...now whenever I feel demotivated, I'll come on this thread and re-read it :)
     
  7. mathu903

    mathu903 Gold IL'ite

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    Hey Btw, have you given a thought about approaching the same company you were working for? Even though your work-experience will start afresh, the companies generally give preference to employees who come back. If you do not have any problems you can try that option. Its a win-win situation where you also know about the company and the company also knows about you :) Give it a thought..
     
  8. sng

    sng Senior IL'ite

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    Hello Mathu,

    Nice to hear from you. Actually, I am moved to a different city after DD was born..Mumbai life is very different for me as I never lived here. Right now, I do not have any bus route idea as well...Do not know how to travel in train specially...ALAS...There are several reasons why I feel low confident in myself......I am just depend on auto which is very hard to get at my place...Dont know what to do? ...../we just moved so I do not have friends who can be helpful in this matter....I am really trying very hard to set my life..I hope I'll be able to achieve what I want to....

    Thankyou very much guys for your replying...I'll keep updating you my progress, if any:hide:
     
  9. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    You already got many good responses. My suggestion would also be to consider getting a full time, stay-at-home nanny. Even though its expensive, this might work.
    This is what my DH and I are planning on doing when I return to work.
     
  10. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    Mumbai has good transportation systems....you will get used to it in no time.
     

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