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Can Anyone Relate Or Try To Empathize?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by anika987, Jan 31, 2022.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Had a thought to write this long time back..just jotting it now..just a point of view and writing it in the most respectful way I can.Hope the context is understood.


    I am a homemaker coz I like being at home and in my own space.I enjoy that freedom I feel in my home.To add to it, my level of contentment is pretty high and it’s not like am a millionaire but what we have is enough mentality.I can very well adjust to clothes from a Burlington coat factory and still feel Pretty good.Just as an example.To add to it,my husband’s support.I feel very respected in my home.Even when I feel or made to feel low by certain people around me..the way my husband peps me up is a blessing.A wonderful child who loves everything I do and appreciate me.

    Really got my online yoga certification and I wasn’t too excited.Infact did not even tell my child.She saw my certification and asked about it.I just said “ No big deal”.She was in awe and said “ Mom! But it’s a huge deal for me!”..

    I like being home coz I like my space.I get up at 5 am in the morning as I am a morning person.I like writing vlogs in here and certain forums.I enjoy working out more than an hour everyday.since am home,my husband takes care only of his office stuff and he is relaxed and finds time to hit the gym and get his good night’s rest.At the same time,weekends he helps to deep clean the home out of his own interest.Two fresh cooked meals everyday and nice hot snacks for the kids also takes up my time.I also enjoy reading books,watching tv and that 9-3 Six hours time goes off in a jiffy.Evening after the kid comes I will sit with her for music practice and help her.Then some of her classes every week and talk a lot with her about school etc.We still read books together at night.

    I also on the side update myself with courses just in case for the future as I enjoy studying and education never goes waste.

    I also got a couple of job offers which I refused due to timings and honestly the fact how much I will miss doing the above activities if I had to take up full time as of now in my life.

    Am I not working coz am incompetent or lazy?I don’t think so.Can I find a job and has the skill sets for it?yeah!


    I stay back home coz I like it.Do I get bored sometimes? Maybe but it never equals being lazy.

    Why this thread then?

    What do u do at home all day? That question.

    A very difficult question to answer.Especially when educated working people ask this.After so many awareness.Mature,happy and confident people might understand that each one has their way of life.So they don’t even care.

    For working people since they have a set routine..that question can be escapes as people know they have office work but coz homemakers do not have a routine and people assume since they could finish their work early in their life ,make some compromises and adjusting why can’t they.Not everyone’s priorities are the same.For me fresh meals 3 times is important but for some it may be a waste of time.The 3 meals if a cook does it for money that becomes work but if someone at home does it why it becomes a waste..

    So a sincere request to anyone who had asked in the past or unintentionally might blurt out is to never ask this question in a condescending manner.Unfortunately some do.This is not to offend anyone.Am trying my best to be careful with words.

    Working is absolutely great and earning is all that no doubt but if a woman choose to be a homemaker of her choice, it should be fine.Why stereotype everyone should have only same path of life else it is wrong..


    My relatives and some acquaintances have taunted me more than a decade and no matter how much one explains it is never enough.Though I stopped explaining..it is very sad some never stop and don’t understand why.

    That women is just living life her way,doing things she likes is useful for her family,may have different priorities and not wasting away.

    She is capable of finding something if need be.Today’s homemaker may turn a working women outside and Vice versa.Life changes any minute.She might be a kind,smart,intelligent and hardworking woman just like the rest who simply likes and enjoys being home.
     
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2022
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  2. Caide

    Caide IL Hall of Fame

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    @anika987

    I can relate myself to your post. I used to work till last November and now I am housewife. Similar to you , we can run life smoothly with my husband's salary

    And I never regretted my decision because from my personal experience I learnt that except my DH no one will really care for me or my future child in my future. They may be a part but they made me realise that part will only be for few hours which can never become day.

    Neither I gonna regret it nor gonna be bothered by comments. They never can understand my yearning for their love . So, though I am hurt , I gonna enjoy my days as a housewife.

    They will never understand, it's just we are their way of stress reliever. The bigger the stress of theirs the more their words carry knives.


    I personally enjoy my own space now, I wanna to be alone and I am enjoying it with a pet.

    Anyways they not gonna understand it , so why to care
     
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  3. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    True and by the way what pet did u get :)
     
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  4. Caide

    Caide IL Hall of Fame

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    Cat IMG_20220130_090401855_HDR.jpg
     
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  5. beautifullife30

    beautifullife30 Platinum IL'ite

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    @anika987

    You are living a dream life that i have always wanted and still do.

    I started working at 19. I am 33 and still running around working. True, i am able to afford luxuries for my family but the cost is too high for me.

    At the end of the day i feel frustated and at times irritated when i don't find time to do something simple things like read my favorite book or listen to my fav song. At times i have even dozed off when my son kept telling me about his day. i felt like a rotten mom.

    I know the entire world is cursing corona but its only during this time that i am able to spend time with my kids. I left both my kids at 3 months to join work. I missed out on their childhood entirely. Its only during these last 2 years that i got to know how naughty they were. Actually i am telling my husband that i need another child just so i can have this pregnancy on my terms. At home, relaxing doing what i like. I want to see this child grow up. I want to know firsthand when i baby utters the first word or take those first tiny steps. :)

    In your shoes, i would just give a 'get lost' smile to anybody who tells me or makes me feel that i am not intelligent enough or competitive enough and go about doing everything and anything that i want to do. Enjoy your life!
     
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  6. Caide

    Caide IL Hall of Fame

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    My both elder sisters feel the same. Recently my eldest sis resigned , my second elder sis though she is happy for us , she is really needing her own time which she couldn't get.

    Anger management is so bad when both were working with kids around.

    Its rare to see working PPL to support housewives views. Glad you did . I received many unrealistic comments for being housewife
     
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  7. hrastro

    hrastro Platinum IL'ite

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    @anika987 Been there, done that for the past 12 years!
    I could talk endlessly about what all I used to accomplish in that 9-3 window - Extras by Women - but none of it would be "money/status/promotions" which are the only things people count as "accomplishment".

    Contentment, peace, satisfaction, providing a development environment to the kids, providing a helping hand or a listening ear to the husband or family, volunteering for the society - no one counts these as "accomplishments"

    Don't care about your relatives' comments!
    As long as YOU feel your life is productive and useful for your family and you are using your time well, comments from others should not matter.

    Today, if suddenly I find myself out on the roads alone and penniless - and need to work to support myself - I have a customer base that trusts me, I have a partner base that will help me with referrals and vouch for me and I have contacts and network at all places - the interns to the CEOs to the business owners and venture capitalists! I have enough knowledge and content to establish myself quickly! My name has goodwill & respect in the industry and I am known for my integrity and consistency, high quality, on time every time!

    But till then, I will keep doing what I love to do for a limited audience, at rates that are free or much subsidized - because Vidya can never be evaluated in monetary terms.

    And spend the rest of the time doing whatever I want for myself & my family!

    Although I am always at home, all my friends know me as an extremely busy person - they know that I have things to do the whole day - even casual meetings are always timed, with appointment or calls!

    I understand the question you face - "What do you do the whole day?"
    Women are no longer interested in just staying home, gossiping, shopping and watching serials. Cooking/Cleaning (with maids or no maids) take up just a couple of hours a day. So, yes, the question will pop up!
    But don't look at it as an attack on you. Look at it as educating people about the things you know, learn and do.

    Most of my friends ask me "Give me something to do" (Many are on the verge of being empty nesters like me)
    Or "Give me ideas on how I can use my time productively"

    So, I REWORD the "What do you do the whole day" question as - "What is YOUR special magic power?"

    My music mami is 80+, cooks for her family (son/DIL/GS) in the morning, has her timetable to read some spiritual books, teaches music online all over the world from 11 am till 7 pm, and still asked me "HR - tell me something to do - I am free from 9-11 am" - I taught her to record her own songs and create a database online for her students.

    So the next time someone asks you "What do you do the whole day", tell them about YOUR special magic powers!

    Keep smiling
    HR
     
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2022
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  8. candidheart

    candidheart IL Hall of Fame

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    I will be just as happy, content and satisfied as you are as a home maker. I was a home maker until my son went to kindergarten precious years of my life. Spent quality time with my son and hubby.
    Nane raja, naney manthiri feeling! Then i wanted to work and have been working. Now i want to stop working but with college fees and savings for retirement,may be a couple of years more until i quit. Waiting for that day when I will enjoy my freedom, my space, my life!

    It is a blessing, just enjoy it anika. This is what I call enjoying life to the fullest!

    People who try to make you feel bad are plain jealous and negative.With such people it doesn’t matter whether you are home maker or working..their goal is to hurt u no matter what. If you are working then they will compare x y z earns more than you or you cannot focus time on your child or you cannot manage home well etc etc..
    Home maker is not the problem. They are the problem.
    Do not let them at any cost know that what they say have an inpact on you. Ignore their comments with a sarcastic smile or response, that should shut them up.
    Have fun!!
     
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  9. brahan

    brahan Platinum IL'ite

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    Its a blessing to have such contentment in life. Just stay however you are..Dont pay any heed to people who have opinions on your life

    Honestly I wont feel contended like u do...

    I have been working for most part of adult life.

    I had very small breaks (aka in months) either waiting for EAD card or extended maternity breaks but most part of the life have been working

    Whenever I was on a break , these were something I did/tried to do
    I am not a book person so that is ruled out..
    I watch movies , but its not like a new movie gets added everyday i n OTT
    I tried baking but kids were getting Sugar high..
    I used to loiter around to nearby malls but ended up with a big hole in purse
    Most of my friends were working , so weekday catching up with friends ruled out

    I have tried all these and JUST gave up ..Mebbe I am not a "Home maker " material
     
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  10. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear @anika987

    Please be assured that you are living a life that many of us are still dreaming :)

    No queen will go to office or do a 9-5 job to stay financially independent. Consider this as your luck :)

    But, what is special in your thread is your contentment. That is the blessing :)

    I can stay at home as I am financially affluent now. I can take voluntary retirement, and with whatever the monthly UN pension and the lumpsum I can very well say good bye to the work.
    I tried that temporarily with a long sabbatical in 2020. But I wasn't happy. I wasn't feeling content the way I should be.
    Then only I realized my design. This is how I am designed, and I can't think of any other contentment than being attached to my profession.

    Self introspection is important. I am happy that you have identified your purpose in life.
    Being the best wife and best mom surrounded by a family that loves and respects you is the appraisal for all your hard work at home.
    Staying fit, and maintaining youth by pursuing whatever your hobbies in your leisure shows you are living your life. Many others are just surviving for the sake of it.

    Be very proud about yourself.

    The next time, if someone asks you this question....
    Look at their eyes, and say " I am living my life".

    To answer your question...

    I wake up at 6 am. After reciting my usual morning prayer from the bed, I go to the kitchen to make tea/coffee/milk for my family & I.
    Morning chit-chat with mom & H while having my coffee.
    Heat up the curries, and cook fresh rice/rotti/pasta - depending on the mood.
    Get ready, and go to office at 8 am.

    From 8.30 am - 4.00 am it will be a different world. There will be different responsibilities and different roles to play. But different friendships, different emotions and different kind of fun life too. I like my office, and the work I do. This is a different world.

    After 4.30 pm, I don't look back my profession. While switching to my pijamas, I would also switch my personality from a manager to mom/wife.

    Enjoy the freshly brewed evening coffee & hot snacks from mom at 5.00pm. After that, I and my H will go for a long walk. That's our "us time" too.

    After 6.30 pm, I would freshen up, and do some prayers together with family.
    Then I & mom will cook some dinner plus some curries for the next day.

    By 8.00pm we would eat our family dinner together while watching TV, and then continue our chit-chatting as family for one more hour.

    When everyone is resting in bed at around 9.30pm, I and H would start browsing our respective smart phones till we fall asleep.

    We have domestic helpers to do the cleaning and other tasks such as laundry etc....
    We also order food on-line if we feel bored to cook.

    We usually eat out during the weekends or travel around just for fun.
    Also, our grocery shopping or malls visits will be strictly on weekends, so that it doesn't disturb our routine.

    I feel content with what I do. Content as a manager with a lot of materialistic achievements under my management. At the same time, I am content as a mom/daughter/wife at home. Their love, respect and the way my family prioritizes it self is the proof.
    Besides that, I am happy that I am becoming a social influencer now a days. The number of followers for my social media accounts are increasing, and I can easily sense that I've become a role model for many. That makes me feel happy at the same time responsible too.
     
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