Can a woman transform a man?

I must say you are truly blessed to have a wonderful wife and I am sure she feels the same about you as you feel about her. May the both of you have many many more years of happiness and togetherness.

Having a loving spouse makes our journey through life so much enjoyable even through those life curve balls that life throws us. I understand what you mean about your wife beacuse my husband is that way too- supportive, encouraging and quick to give credit to me even in situations where I do not truly deserve any like his many professional successes.

So to answer your question, I dont know if a woman can trasform a man or not. But if I were to look at my parents marriage and so many other succesful marriages, I know both partners can definetely make positive impact on each other's lives in small and big matters. Husband and wives are two parts of a whole (family unit) and the strenths come from making each other strong, well loved, appreciated. At least that is what I believe.

But I do want to ask you one thing and please dont take it as a criticism. I know you are a deep thinker based on many thread/ posts so I am interested in your thoughts especially as someone who has a lot more life experiences than I.

My reservation is with saying that women are capable of great sacrifice, pain and suffering. To me that seems the other end of spectrum of setting impossible standards for all women. I cant speak for all women but when I read all that it makes me feel this enormous expection to sacrifice and endure pain and suffering for the welfare of family even at my cost. I feel small and less of a woman because I dont know if I can go through life like that sacrificing all my desires for the welfare of the family because if I were to do so sooner or later resentment will set in. That either debunks the whole theory that women are selfess creatures or I am one selfish woman. I also am action oriented, quick to conclusion and very likely to make many mistakes too. The creative part is the only one that saves me.

All I am saying is why does a woman have these enormous burden or expectations from society. It is either the self sacrificing Godess or the other extreme where I do not want to go.

You rightly pointed out many failings of men, so why not accept that women too have just as manyfailing and imperfections? We are just as much human as the men. It is sometimes exhausting trying to aspire to the impossible standars set on women by society. All the little girls growing up- I dont want them to grow up thinking they have to sacrifice their desires to be the perfect woman.

 

That would be nice as well as interesting ! Is she an ILite by any chance, sir ?

 

Viswa Sir- I appreciate your taking time to respond. I know what you are saying and understand very well that you are complimenting you wife and all women for what you consider their numerous virtues.

Let me also say that I was not just referring to length of life when I said you have more experiences. I do feel you reflect on those life experiences and learn from it and that to me is knowledge.

If I look at my life, my dad was like you- when we were young, he worked hard and long travelled a lot- did everything in his power to provide us all we ever wanted. My mom was a stay at home mom and wife. But we (my siblings and I) think our dad was just as involved in our developmental years as my mom though not equal time. And I consider my dad just as much an influence in my life as my mom.

A child needs both parents and unless one parent is completely uninvolved, grows up inculcating the traits of both parents. As for women bringing new life, yes that does result in a head start on that unique relationship / bond with child but though a bit late to the party, the dad is just as hooked once he sets his eyes on his baby .

I am not afraid of high standards, it is just the impossible expectations that scares me. Woman have all the same human frailties and weaknesses that men posses but societal conditioning is what makes them keep on trying for those impossible standards mostly because they did not have the same choices and options as men.

When it comes to a choice between a husband and wife's career for example, 9 out of 10 times, the woman sacrifices. If it comes to the needs to husband's family/ parents/ siblings vs hers, his will win. The wife is always expected to make those sacrifices and if she does not, she is toppled from her pedestal.

The seers and sages may have said it and we still hold on to it because it benefits everyone but the woman in question. I just do not think it is fair.

When it comes to raising children why is it always about the mother? Why not the father? What if the mother is in a high powered job that she wants to continue to excel while being a good mother? Or what if her salary is needed to make ends meet? Is it not the husband's job to support and encourage his wife? With most woman working outside how can child rearing be all be about the mother? Even if the mom is not working outside, still why should raising children be all about the mother?

You are right- our mothers and grandmothers set high standards. My own grandmother lost her husband relatively young and yet she raised 7 children by herself by running a small business and make them all capable in life. I am not asking for standards for women to be lowered but perhaps just asking for the need for it to be raised for men.

 

Viswa sir,

As many have already said, you are great to acknowledge Mrs. Viswa on women's day.

'valtha vayathillai vanangukiran' - my best wishes.

 

This is a beautiful post, on the very apt occasion of Women's Day. I really like the way you have expressed yourself.