Can a mother behave like this??

vent · Oct 3, 2012

Dear Ladies
am back here.. am so much worn out and upset that I am thinking of suicide which I cant commit as my kid has only me to take care of him. then I am thinking of leaving everything here and go to some distant coutry or place with my kid...

I am very upset sisters please I want some one to share my feelings ..I dont have any one to talk to.. Please read my post and give your feedback on what should I do..
Some of u may be aware that My mother is staying with me for last 6 mnths as my only brother is in abroad. My husband too is staying abroad..
I am staying here mainly for my mother. I am getting options to go any stay with my husband but I am not going only because I think I should not leave her alone... I am keeping my kid away from father nad I am ruining my family life.

My mother is jealous from me that we are earning well have own house etc.. she also has everything but no salary only two pensions hers and my late fathers..
She stays with me as if staying in a hotel where u get every thing on bed...

Money is most important to her .. she will say to me that my brother is not sending any money to her. He is a student that too just 4 months back he went there. How can she expect money from him now?? that to when shes getting nearly 26-27 K per month w/o any expenditure...
yeater day she told me go to our native place for Diwali..She doesn't want to keep her house dark on Diwali. so shall I do the same to my house?? I dont believe in these myths but I have so much trouble in getting leaves from office she knows it very well. Secondly to and fro trip for three of us will cost me 60K. I told her that I cant go because it will be an expensive trip.. there she started ...
I told her that I should save money for my family..I cant spend so much for just a week's trip.. to which she said YOUR FAMILY now its your family we are nothing?? You see money for everything???
Started saying bad things abt me husband. SO much that she said HIm BASTREad (haramzada)

I am crying while writing this.. she was not listening to me... she started hitting her self crying loudly and said I will go from here just now.. I cant stay here.. Things were going out of control I was not able to think what shall I do .......I said sorry I will not do anything again..
I am not able to understand what wrong did I do?? I am not expecting any thing from her.. I pay for all their airtrips (her and my brothers) I get them expensive gifts....she will take even 300 rs that she gave to cable TV person when I was not at home from me....
what is this?? I am bearing all her medical expenses... am not demanding any thing from her.. .. when any relative asks her whether you divided your property equally among ur son and daughter she will tell why will I give to my daughter? she is earning so well I will give everything to my son.

I am not expecting any thing from her but how can she expect so much from me???

While that argument yesterday I asked her in anger that u are scolding and cursing my Husband day in and night shall I leave him??? to which she said yes leave him write to him that you are leaving him...............
I remembered once my father told me during a fight with my mother that she will break you house too ( at that time I was very young so couldn't understand it....I was always taking her side during their fights)

Ladies Is this my mother??

What should I do???? I cant talk to any one one about this.....its so much of pain...am shattered please read my post and tell me what do I do? pleas help me.

teacher · Oct 3, 2012

OP,
A mother is only a human being..you can expect the same positive/negative traits from a mother as you can from any other relationship.

Take a step back and look at it as something that is happening in a friend's life. What would your advice be if you were able to look at this situation from an outsider's perspective? From your post it sounds like there is a history-you are both stuck in a cycle and it is up to you to break out of it. Help your mom but not at the cost of your personal life or happiness. You owe it yourself first, and your husband and son next.

rose8282 · Oct 3, 2012

You are doing a lot for your mother,which is good...but its a LOT!Do realise that you have a family anf your husband and kid need to be with each other during the kids' growing years. Inspite of doing so much,your mother doesnt appreciate your work,then why break your head? Its time you unite with your hubby...join him and allow him to enjoy playing with your kid. Dont deprive him of that. You will lose control of your lfe if you contine living this sanyasi life. You can work (if you can) and send money to your mother every alternate month or whatever.

HasiniS · Oct 3, 2012

Just be with your husband .. Why are you away from him ?? So what if your dad is no more ... After getting married a women at any cost is supposed to be with her husband .. Your half problem will get solved if you do this ... And about your mother .. Please make some arrangements for her to stay in her own house .. For elderly people there are n number of ways to keep them self occupied .. But your baby cant wait to be with his/her father ... Don't drag this ... And spending 60 K for a forceful trip ??? Your mom is taking you for granted ... Stop things here ... This is LOTS to do for a mother . ..

vent · Oct 3, 2012

teacher said: ↑

OP,
A mother is only a human being..you can expect the same positive/negative traits from a mother as you can from any other relationship.

Take a step back and look at it as something that is happening in a friend's life. What would your advice be if you were able to look at this situation from an outsider's perspective? From your post it sounds like there is a history-you are both stuck in a cycle and it is up to you to break out of it. Help your mom but not at the cost of your personal life or happiness. You owe it yourself first, and your husband and son next.
Click to expand...

Teacher, Thank u for reading and replying.....

I understand that my mother is also a human being and I should not expect her to be flawless. I have many flaws too. But I cant understand her behavoiur towards me. as if I am a worst enemy to her.. I think this type of behaviur is found in mnay household between a mother in law and a daughter in law

I am try to think as a third person here that is telling me to leave her here and go to my husband..... But then I am not able to take this step thinking that how will she live alone??

I am not able to undersytand the lsat lines in your post abt "breaking the cycle".

I have given almost all the details here except that me and my brother grew up among regular very bad fights between our parents.....for which I use to take my mothers side always...and my fathger use to think that I am a tail to her....I had an arranged love marrige (intercaste) and ther is no relationship between my mother and in laws.

maroon · Oct 3, 2012

Dear Dear... first please do not utter the word suicide anytime. I know you are feeling very bad right now because of your mom's behaviour. Things will be normal soon, so please dont get so depressed. I agree with teacher and rose8282. Please move in with your husband at the earliest. You have a family and you cannot ignore your husband as much as you think you cannot leave your mother alone. If she has a native place and people like her siblings then she must go settle somewhere close to them. No point in ruining your family life. She is obviously not behaving right and God knows how people can be so insensitive. All I can say is just count on your other blessings in life in times of trouble... Good luck dear.

vent · Oct 3, 2012

rose8282 said: ↑

You are doing a lot for your mother,which is good...but its a LOT!Do realise that you have a family anf your husband and kid need to be with each other during the kids' growing years. Inspite of doing so much,your mother doesnt appreciate your work,then why break your head? Its time you unite with your hubby...join him and allow him to enjoy playing with your kid. Dont deprive him of that. You will lose control of your lfe if you contine living this sanyasi life. You can work (if you can) and send money to your mother every alternate month or whatever.
Click to expand...

Thank you Rose for reading and replying to me...
Yes I know this is the only solution.. but I am mentally very week I will be thinking abt her always if I go abroad... I will feel gulity to leave her...... I know this may sound stupid to you.....

She is telling me that she did this type of behavior with her mother thats why am doing like this and one day my kid will also do this to me.... ( she has a quarreling nature from the beginning I have seen her fighting with my nani who was staying with us for 2 years, my mother's sister, neighbours, and my fathers sisters )

vent · Oct 3, 2012

HasiniS said: ↑

Just be with your husband .. Why are you away from him ?? So what if your dad is no more ... After getting married a women at any cost is supposed to be with her husband .. Your half problem will get solved if you do this ... And about your mother .. Please make some arrangements for her to stay in her own house .. For elderly people there are n number of ways to keep them self occupied .. But your baby cant wait to be with his/her father ... Don't drag this ... And spending 60 K for a forceful trip ??? Your mom is taking you for granted ... Stop things here ... This is LOTS to do for a mother . ..
Click to expand...

Hasini
Thank you very much for understanding my problem and giving your valueable feedback.

I know this is the correct thing to do I have to be strong to do this... May be this incident happened to made me strong in taking this decision.

vini31 · Oct 3, 2012

It seems that she is very insecure, and you can never make insecure ppl feel secure or make them at peace, they crave for money, attention and recognition as they feel secure with it, so do as much as you can and dont bother much of their tantrums don't ever give in to talks when she says leave ur husband or anything as such, that would land u in more trouble, this is just a personal view based on my exp

lr7 · Oct 3, 2012

To give a short reply to the subject of your post, "YES", mothers can behave in any which extreme manner they choose!! I am a living breathing example and have a very similar story to yours. Somewhere in the back of my head, I mostly wanted to be a 'daughter' than a 'wife' and it's only proved to be a very bad decision on my part.
Just go to your husband with your child and live there as a family. Your mother will be fine. You mentioned she has a home and her pension is sufficient income for her. Give some space between the two of you to better appreciate your value in her life and maybe in a few months time, you will bond better. For now, don't think and over analyze anything. Just go stay with hubby.
Wish you all the best!