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Can A Marriage Where In-laws Don’t Like You Work?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Patientone, Oct 16, 2019.

  1. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Why should there be guilt if the child is sure the parents are disrupting his/ her married life and the family of his / her children?

    Not all children are overemotional and lot of them can decide what is right for their family .

    The wellbeing of two generation,one of which is the innocent helpless future generation should always come before the wellfare of one generation not wanting peace or change.

    In the cases where the child feels guilt is when the child feels the fault is not completely the parents...and it is these cases where the family life of the child is disrupted. This usually results in bitterness and unhappiness in his / her life.
    Viswamitra likes this.
  2. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    @yellowmango, thanks for trying to clarify your point of view. However, everything is just not black and white. In my opinion , it is just not possible to say that all the issues are due to the parents/in laws only and the DIL/daughter has not part in it at all, for the son/husband to feel so. Hence the guilt, because there are always two sides playing out, whatever may be the proportion in that. Just because there are no sons/husbands/MILs here bringing out issues faced by them due to behaviour of their spouses, DIls, it does not mean such cases dont exist and I personally know umpteen cases where they stay married / carry on with their families.
    Ofcourse, when there is financial independence, support for the girl from her parents etc, there is no need to put up with what they feel is not right and can always opt out, as is being followed now adays.
    It may be off topic here, but due to this trend, of wanting an independent life style with no interference of any family etc, iIm finding that arranged marriages these days do not get settled easily. Too many factors are required to be considered , with the result that we hear families looking to arrange a marriage whether boy or girl, running into years. Ido not know whether a 100% assurance of a happy married life can be ensured irrespective of any or all factor s being taken into account before arriving at a match ! Hence, as I have always pointed out and feel, a lot of maturity to handle relationships in a proper way is required.
  3. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Joylokhi ji,

    I really respect your views here and in other posts . I feel you must be a good MIL to your DIL’s.

    I have decent in laws for the most part. I have to admit though that I can say this, only because I have chosen to ignore some of their behavior. I must assure you I started married life with the best of intentions to treat them like my parents. Unfortunately, I was judged for a lot of my choices and that did leave me a little disappointed. I have been brought up to be very independent and opinionated, yet I could overlook some of their faults. My point is , not all independent, opinionated women are looking to isolate their husbands from their in-laws.

    Expecting independent life style is also not a bad thing. We will never let our adult “children ” grow if we don’t let them take decisions and navigate through life on their own.

    Viswamitra and joylokhi like this.
  4. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    It can definitely work if the spouses are compatible enough with lots of attachment.

    My PILs hate me, hate me to the point where they don't consider me as their family.
    We had an inter-religious marriage, and that was the root for all the hatred.
    On the other hand, my parents do not like my H. They have their own reasons, but mainly due to the complexities PILs created.

    Initially our marriage did not work due to the above reasons. Because H was confused, and didn't know how to respond these problems.
    I too didn't know whether to convey everything to H, provided his love for them and his guilt for marrying me against them.

    We did not communicate our issues openly. That was the reason behind so many problems we had in the past. Yet, our marriage worked. We continued to live, prosper, have our own family and life decently.

    After a point, H realized the issues, mainly because I let him see, and understand what's going on.
    He trusted me, and loved me more than his folks. So, he chose to stand by my side when there was a problem.
    That was it. Since then our marriage life is going great!

    Hadn't I trusted his love, I wouldn't have the courage to explicitly reveal everything my PILs did to me.
    Hadn't he loved me, he wouldn't have trusted my words and problems.
    Hadn't we loved each other, we wouldn't have chosen to stay away from extended family that caused us trouble.

    Love, trust, and affection helped us move on against all the odds
    shreepriya likes this.

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