Discussion in 'Married Life' started by shravs3, Jul 25, 2018.
Sure thanks trying to forget it.
I couldnt believe the OP or the subsequent feedbacks when I read U are upset with ur PIL because they gifted u bangles which werent exactly ur choice under some sort of pressure (which they admitted to and very common during marriages by the way). This u carry around for years in ur heart and taunt ur husband with? No seriously? I am more and more convinced all we need is an excuse to hold a grudge and not be happy.
Grow up. U are an educated able adult. Earn well. Save up. Bur ur own jewellery. If u cannot get a job for whatever reason plan ur finances with ur husband and make it happen.
@shrav3 use your downtime efficiently. work on finding job soon. Idle mind makes us go crazy thinking about unnecessary stuff . Forget about what happened during marriage. You have a bright future. Focus on that.
Moved to chatter.
FYI they never admitted it. Got to know from some one else.
How FAIR is it to DEMAND brides parents for particular MARRIAGe HALL or CATERERS ..When there are other halls and caterers which are cheaply available . How fair they want brides parents to spend more money but they want to save money for themselves.
This is what tat makes me angry .
They don’t want to spend money on their DILs but to maintain their status they want bride parents to spend lavishly.
How fair is this??
I am definitely blaming the patriarchial society for this.
Yes I can earn well and save up and buy wat I want. But don’t believe that these people give me freedom to buy what I want cos they want to DOMINATE me! And listen only to what they say . My DH will blindly follow his parents which is natural .
So who is it loss??? Definitely me !
My DH is such a person that if I don’t listen to him he will shout and argue and ensure that I listen to him...
He is just like his father !
And once even my DH told that we should buy gold only from those shops cos it’s cheAP.
All these days his mom bought from big showrooms (This was told by my DH long back ) . But I should buy in old and small
Shops where there is nothing in it .
She wears so much of gold bangles fancy ones too and me left out with only 1 bangle in hand .
One day we had a big function at inlaws place . All their relatives asked me whether I don’t have bangles and told me to ask my MIL to give some for me to wear as I was a new bride. She heard but dint give me anything to wear!!!!
She fully dressed up with new saree and handful of jewellery but I was like some other outsider!!!
Definitely my Mom would not have done this . She would have first ensured if I have proper jewellery to wear and given me her jewellery to wear.
Op.. may i ask you for how long you are married?
You are trying to compare ur mom and mil and want them to behave same towards you. Why should ur mil give her jewellery to you for the occasion? She earned that jewellery by herself/her husband/or son whatever means and she has rights to dress well or look good or however she likes in her son’s rituals/functions.
You are living abroad.. away from all of them and with their precious son. Does she feel that you are spending/wasting her son’s money?
There must be a reason why ur parents obeyed their orders and chose expensive halls and caterers. They should have opposed then, but didnt. So, why are you worried now, when ur parents already ok’ed their rules?
Yes true . And every time she is worried about my job more than me and my DH!
And during jewellery shopping when I was seeing some necklace design I was confused in selecting among 2 of those designs.when one of my aunt jokingly said that you can buy 2 also one gift from DH and other from inlaws .
It was just a joke and not serious .
For that MIL replied in loud voice and why the hell should my son buy gold to her . He will not buy such things even after marriage .
What does that mean ??? How sensible it is for her to talk like that with all of us . Did her husband not buy her gold ???
She doesn’t want to freely spend money on me now . How will I even get tat feeling or bonding . Though money is not everything the WORDS hurt a lot. You can never take back the words.
They say even if a person do 10 good things to you ,you will mostly remember the one thing that person did bad to you !
@shravs3 Try to forget that incident.when you come to India you can buy jewels of your choice and be happy.Don't think of the past which give you pain.
I know it’s bad thinking about the past. But the moment I see some pic where people wearing gold or some gold ad I remember that incident
A lot of previous posters have given some good tips.
I agree and understand the double standards your in-laws have showed in this regards. And I assure you if I had heard those words, I would be forever hurt too. Let go of those words, those words are now NOT hurting your mil, but u are holding on to them and hurting yourself again and again with those words. Why keep her weapon and hurt yourself?
Want to share one (my) perspective to see if this will help you forget that incident:
I am in my mid-30s, from a middle-class family in a Indian metro and almost no one I know in my age group (friends, family, cousins) think it is very fashionable to wear gold jewels. We just did it for formality sake at our own weddings. For almost all other events - we have moved away from gold and go for fine jewelery that is many orders in price cheaper and much more artistic in our view. Yes, the elders complained (and some still do) - but we love how it looks and have others in our age group follow the same. So we're ok with letting the complaints go through one year.
This included silk-thread jewels, antique silver jewels, terracota jewels, uncut-stone jewels - these still cost a few thousand rupees each. You can get a perfect match for each saree - not just in color and pattern but also general aesthetics. You will look modern, put-together and will have on-lookers impressed with your selections.
When I see gold ads, I think who in this day and age allocate so much money on gold jewels? I am all for investment in gold via coins (where there is no wastage, making charge, etc) and resale value in emergency is great. Maybe you can think this - how *foolish* of all the women in the events you go to who have spent money on gold - while your money is wisely invested in some other way.
Just a practical idea for you to direct your thoughts away from that incident.