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calling names

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by minip, Nov 4, 2007.

  1. minip

    minip New IL'ite

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    hi indusladies,
    i read most of the posts and i know how you people are so good at giving advices.
    i am married and we have a 4yr old daughter and are in US for last 2 yrs. my problem is my husband calls me bad names when he is angry. . i am not a confident person usually and this is affecting my selfesteem. i think i am good for nothing.
    i am not highly educated just degree completed. In US me and my daughter are feeling lonely .my husband is busy with office work and when he is home ,he likes to sleep or watch tv.he won't take us anywhere other than buying groceries.
    i can't work here due to visa status and i would like to go to india and find a job( i don't know i will get any) as staying here is affecting me mentally and i started hating my home

    can you please advice me . i know my problem is less compared to many others posted here
    thanks in advance
    minip
     
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  2. Kelly

    Kelly New IL'ite

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    Dear Minip,

    I am sad to hear about your situation, but no problem is too small for this site, that is why we are here to give you support & advice (even though we maybe on the other side of the world - like me I'm in New Zealand)

    And what do you mean by " I am not highly educated just degree completed" That is such a great achievement!!!! dont talk yourself down, just becaseu you have studied just a "degree" level dosent mean you are not educated, you are very lucky, some people may have only finish high school.

    I know a lady at my job, she has a PHD and yet the simpleste of tasks she cant do (how to use the photocopier), yet she gets me "The receptionist" to do it?? You would think somebody with a PHD could do it, but no.

    Think positive - even though it is hard at the moment due to the name calling, you husband may have problems at work so he has nobody to take his "anger" out on, so the next best option is to take it out on you (maybe he dosent realise that he is hurting you by this name calling)

    Try and talk to your husband and try and find out what the problem is, and try and find solutions together. Dont feel that just becaseu he is your husband he knows best, he will only see things from his point of view, he may need to work out this problem with you, maybe when he talks to you you can tell him that he is looking at the problme in a negative way. So try and encourage him to see the positive side if there is one, but if not try and find a positive solution. Life is never going to be happy everyday, life has its ups & downs, so you both must work together to comfort each other when either spouse is upset/angry/sad...

    Have you considered to join some sports activites, or get a hobbie like sewing, make some crafts or maybe try and join some group that both your daughter & you can go to? Can you do Mehandi designs? maybe you could do a little business and do mehandi designs on primary children??

    Have you got your drivers licence? if not maybe you could try and learn to drive, so you wont be stuck at home, so you can go to some places with your daughter?

    Are there any other Indian ladies in your neighbourhood that you could visit? Or maybe you could make a Indian ladies group that could meet every Firday 2pm at somebodies house, so you can chat & gossip. does your daughter go to a daycare? is there any other Indian children there? maybe you could meet their parents and make some new friends?

    Dont give up, everyone was created for some reason, you dont have to be educated to have good qualities, some people may be talented in their education, where as some people are more talented in other ways suchs as cooking, arts & crafts, or talking. Find what you are great at and try and enjoy it as this will help with time pass & keep you busy.

    I hope this give you some courage and dont just give in to life, be the best you can be, never put your self down, dont let people say negative things about you, God will never say bad things about you, so why should others say things too you?

    Take care

    Kelly
     
  3. lovinglife

    lovinglife New IL'ite

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    Hi Mini:

    I am sorry you are going through this and I am sorry your husband is being so insensitive. As Kelly mentioned, dont ever under estimate your education and skills. My mother never studied past middle school, moved from Andhra to Bangalore at 16 years of age and she did not know the language, but she ruled the house!!! She's always been my inspiration. Don't let your lack of skills or language hold you back. People outside are very accepting.

    You need to be the strength for your daughter. At 4 years, she needs to be in school, in pre-k. Local daycares and churches offer great programs. She needs a program to start developing her skills. Her school will be a good place for you to start meeting people when you go to drop her an pick her up.

    Your english is great!! Take some classes in a local community college. The classes are very cheap.

    You live in Atlanta!! The public transportation is so good. Find local public libraries and parks. You can take your daughter there and meet a lot of people.

    Dont let his attitude depress you and make you hate your own house or this country. It will only make things hard for you. Change your attitude, become more proactive and start doing stuff on your own.....after all, a mother and daughter team is the most adorable!!
    :kiss
     
  4. Eljaype

    Eljaype Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Mini,

    Some are like that. It is easy to call ones wife names, because she is helpless. It is their inferiority complex. He must have had some problems at the office, which he could show it only on you.

    You have to develop your self respect and self confidence. Don't lose them. I am also just a graduate as you said. Later learnt whatever i want by myself. I can proudly say that I am a self made woman, with hubby's hwelp that i have to had. But you can do it on your own, we are here to help you in whichever way you want us to.

    We may be far apart as Kelly said, but IL and computers brings us closer.
    You know computers and your English is good. Can't you earn through tuitions or something like that through net?? There are many ways to earn through net. There is a thread here itself about working from home.

    Do something like that and show him that you can also do it. Don't get upset. You can do it.

    Love
    Latha
     
  5. divyasarav

    divyasarav New IL'ite

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    Dear Minip,

    First of all, come out of our inferiority complex. If you cannot appreciate your own self, who is going to appreciate..

    You are educated and wise. Believe in yourself that you are smart and capable of doing any task. Keep youself always busy doing things of your interest. If you love cooking, cook delicious food items and make your entire family relish it.. If you love browsing the net, please try to gather information and widen your knowledge. Please remember, an ideal mind is a devil's workshop... Please dont sit ideal.. Keep you engaged always in some activity...

    Some things are better to be ignored in life rather than to sit and bother about it. If your husband calls you with bad names, first try to ignore it, then slowly make him understand that you dont like him calling you with bad names... I am sure, any sensible human being will understand..

    If you want to leave US just because you are feeling bored is not going to help you in any way. You are married, you have a husband, a child who are dependant on you. God has created Women with a more mature and strong mind... Women is always an asset only to the family. There is a saying that "Behind every successful man, there is women". I would like to replace it as "Behind every successful family, there is a women". Women does not only make a man successful, she grows successful children, she make a healthy atmosphere in the home and she is the one who make it ALL at home. So, my dear lady, never thing negative. Think always positive in life.... you will eventually win over your weaknesses.

    Cheer up:cheers
     

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