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Calling mil as amma - Do we really mean? Is it peer pressure?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by dsrini, Dec 11, 2007.

  1. hasita

    hasita Bronze IL'ite

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    As for my dear MIL, i call her "Mummy" but do not really mean it.. just that we are expected to, hence i call her so. Like most of you, I thought at the start of my marriage that things will be good. No probs to call her so. And fil "Daddy".
    But I've realized now, they are nothing even close to those terms.

    Esp. when within the first year of my marriage, due to lot of unpleasant going-ons in the house (which were not due to me, but ofcourse i was blamed for them), she says loudly "You are nobody of mine", and the worst thing, she does this in front of my step-daughter.
    >:)
     
  2. teju

    teju Senior IL'ite

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    I call my MIL 'Mummy' and my FIL 'Papa'. I really mean it. They deserve it. They are very nice down to earth people. no pressure here!!
    Cheers
    Teju
     
  3. lahy15

    lahy15 Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Friends,

    As you all say definitely MIL never comes as MOM ... Our mom is best in world and no one can care like her...

    But I started calling my MIL as Amma from the day our marriage got fixed. In these 7 years, there was lot of misunderstanding and harsh words which cannot be healed but still I call her as Amma from my heart. Like Suji as mentioned, even myself got hurt alot from my MIL and got lot of experience too ...

    Suni
     
  4. happywoman

    happywoman Silver IL'ite

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    Hi all,

    Saw this thread only today...
    My version goes like this.....
    when i saw this thread, this dialogue came to my mind " God made moms bcos he felt he cannot be there with all his kids". This way God Himself created one mom for each kid...so how can anyone go against the nature and make a new mom (MIL). My MIL cannot be my mom even if she takes 7 or more births....i will be happy 2 leave her as MIL.
    In my case, i dont want to call my MIL as amma bcos she doesnt deserve it. Initially i called her but looked like she did not like so i stopped it.
    I love my MIL but from loooooong distance..........hehehe!!
     
  5. ss.mmm

    ss.mmm New IL'ite

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    I dont know when these MILs-FILs-SIL-s & hubbys will realise that there is a boundary to interfering in other's lives even if it is their son's life!!!!
    If each just bother about themselves and dont give their "Valuable crap suggestions" in other words don't interfere with other's life's, our life will be cool and comfortable.
    Don't worry, call them amma or watever, if they are making you feel bad, then the way we call them does not really mean anything.
     
  6. dallascw

    dallascw Senior IL'ite

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    As some one who called her parents Mummy and Daddy it surprised me on how easily I call my in-laws amma and appa. And no it was not easy to do that when in the initial days we always seemed to be polar opposites.. ( read me liberal..MIL super traditional). But one thing that always gets me going is that no matter what differences we have my MIL will always cook the best meals for me after work and she would make endless dosai for me just like my mom. Everything else is forgiven :) ( even the bad fashion sense she has in picking salwars for me ) Does she make snide remarks ..ohh yess.. does she compare me with other "nice" girls.. every living breath of her life.. does she wish I was not that smart...oh yes.. does she prefer I dress "tradionally" ...yes and hence the endless purchases of bad salwars ...but people one taste of her yummy food and I forgive it all.. she did bring up a good son so I give her dues. I do not live with her on a daily basis so I do not have it that bad. I fight with her just like I would fight with my mom... and the best comeback for a snide remark is to totally ignore it with a cool face. My mom complains that I support my MIL more than what my own mom would do but I have learnt to pick my battles to have peace and good food in my life.
     
  7. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    U are awesome !!! I like the last phrase in particular.. Big LaughBig LaughBig LaughBig Laugh
     
  8. Annie7860

    Annie7860 New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    When I got married my daddy pointed out towards my in-laws and told me these are your mum and dad now, I told him that I have got only 1 mum and 1 dad in this world and they can never change.

    My mum still remembers those moments with pride!!

    Take Care,
    Annie
     
  9. Suhasini02

    Suhasini02 New IL'ite

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    I started calling my MIL amma coz my SIL specifically told me to.... so compulsion it is.
     
  10. SunitaGN

    SunitaGN New IL'ite

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    Hmm.... this thread reall ygot me thinking..
    Our was also a love marriage and I talked with my then would-be in laws for 4 full years before our marriage... so I started by calling them aunty and uncle and my husband called my parents the same. Even now, more than 3 years after our marriage we still call each other's parents the same. They never asked us to call them atayya and mavayya and we neevr asked each other to call our parents anything other than aunty and uncle.... but like i said, this thread kind of made me think...

    that even if our parents never asked for it, may be in their hearts they would like their daughter-in-law/son-in-law to call them atayya and mavayya... i dunno.... i told my husband this thought and as wud be expected typically of men he burst out laughing and said "where did u get that from? no i think the way things r is fine. its more important to feel right abt them than calling them right." i tried pointing out that its not for feelings to change but u know... just sentimentally it might be nicer and perhaps it will make the relationship even more "family-family" than what it is... but i was overruled.... he says "its too odd to make a change now all of a sudden." he claims they will be as embarrased to hear it as it would be an effort for us to change the calling name.... but i am still thinking.... after reading all ur posts thought i feel it is indeed better the way things are.... coz to take steps forward is easier, but much much harder to go back to the way things were if we happen to realize later that it's was changed for the better in a hurry or something........

    as of one of you pointed out, like in ur case even after 7 yrs of marriage if your husband cud start calling them that on his own accord then may be it will happen when it is meant to happen, if it is meant to happen. may be i shud just leave things th way they r for now......
     

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