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Calling mil as amma - Do we really mean? Is it peer pressure?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by dsrini, Dec 11, 2007.

  1. puni88

    puni88 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi,
    In my case, I never called my MIL as 'amma' and I will not. (bcos she is not even 1% amma or aunty (mom's sister) to me)
    I used to call them 'aunty' and 'uncle' and doing so...
    But my other co-sisters call 'amma' and 'appa', but my heart will never agree to call her 'amma'.

    ~Punitha
     
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  2. durgees

    durgees Bronze IL'ite

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    I call my MIL as amma. I first thought how can I call someone else as amma. But I got used to it somehow. I wish my husband calls my parents as Amma and Appa. But he is not getting it.

    Nowadays, when I say amma, my husband gets confused which amma I am referring to. So I started addressing my MIL as her Name+Amma. But this is only for addressing to someone else. Not to her directly. I think those who dont want to call as Amma, can use this method and can give the same reason too. :)
     
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  3. RamyaSridhar1978

    RamyaSridhar1978 Gold IL'ite

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    Nice Thread
    In my case my mil told me to call her Amma.Ofcourse its never heartfelt !!!....Since it was forced upon.Anyways i address my mom as Mummy so i think its quite ok.Def Mil's can never be ones mother...I think its just reduced to a formality, hey whats in a name .. HAven't many changed their names given by their parents to a new name after marriage......!!
    Regarding calling my hubby in front of my IL's by name too is a no no out here.We talk of independence,Metropolitan city (I reside in Bombay).. blah blah....But i guess some things don't change .Its the mentality that has to undergo a sea of change .I have to address my hubby with some short form or pet name not the real name in front of my IL's...
     
  4. sumiram

    sumiram New IL'ite

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    Interesting topic. I call my mil 'amma'. The first time I called her that way, it was purely because I had no choice. I even tried to avoid addressing her so that I need not call her amma. But later on I have started to like her and I mean it when I call her amma. We have had lots of good and bad times. Even at times when we had fight or something, she used to make the first move to come to my place and talk to me again.

    Even now, we do not speak much because of family problems. But I still I like her and respect her. I'm know she has the same feelings for me. She is really like my amma. (although I would never say this in front of her tsk)
     
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  5. geeta_sathish

    geeta_sathish Senior IL'ite

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    Dear all,

    An interesting thread.

    I call my MIL as amma and FIL as appa. I was told by my own mom and sisters to do this just to keep the relationship pleasant. She has no daughters and has been extremely happy about my way of calling her and my FIL amma and appa.

    I took this as just a way of addressing them and did not put too much of emotional thoughts into this. Of course nobody can replace our biological mom and dad, so only when we call our own mom and dad as amma and appa will there be any kind of emotional attachment to it. Otherwise, according to me it is just a nice and kind way of addressing MIL and FIL - thats all. We are just following traditions here.

    My father and all his entire family calls their eldest brother and his wife and anna and manni, so even though she is my perima I address her as manni only because thats how I have seen everyone address them right from my childhood. Even her own daughter calls her manni. Again, this is just out of habit. I consider this also the same way.

    Also, I would always go a little out of my way to make my husband happy so my little gesture to improve our bonding was greatly appreciated by him. As my in-laws are very pleasant and nice people, it was not difficult for me to call them appa amma.

    I would say it was more of peer-pressure for my co-sister who was calling them as aunty and uncle till I got married. When she saw me addressing them as amma and appa, she had to start calling them that way too. If I have to refer my MIL and FIL to my husband then I say "your amma" and "your appa" so there won't be any confusion.

    I asked my husband to call my parents as appa and amma too, and he readily agreed. As he doesn't talk much to them on a regular basis, he is not getting used to it yet. But the fact that he agreed to it without hesitation makes me happy.

    Take care.
     
  6. beesidhu

    beesidhu New IL'ite

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    Hi, This is a very good topic i am one of those who never called my MIL as Ma ....i was told by her one day to address her as Mum or Mummy hmmmm hard but its always at the back of my mind and i somehow feel tense abt it but as forced to i do say those words ...but truely i hold no meaning to it . Thats the truth atleast i can be honest with myself here
     
  7. geetha_muralidharan

    geetha_muralidharan New IL'ite

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    Hi Adushmom,

    It is best to call them as athai and mama. In the olden days one's daughter or son got married to their mother's brother's children or father's sister's children and this method of address is most suited. no hurt feelings on any side.
    Regarding this issue of addressing one's husband by name in front of in-laws and outsiders, I have to say that it is slowly spreading among the younger generation to address their husband by name. It is alright, so long as there is no ill feeling about it, expressed by anyone. But calling "vaada", "pooda" "yei" and such things are not good. This has happened in the case of my niece and now her step-mom has picked up a raging quarrel with her and my brother over this issue! Addressing in singular should be avoided in public. I don't know why, but when my niece's husband was addressed name by her step-mom, she became wild and said it was disrespectful! Some how it sounds not nice.

    geetha:hatsoff
     
  8. Aadhusmom

    Aadhusmom Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Geetha,
    Certainly I agree with you that its better not to address your DH in the singular, my logic being that in most cases he is the older person and so due the respect we would give any older individual. I dont think there is anything wrong with using his name but the whole of DH's family would be horrified if I did that - younger and older generation alike. I know this is true of a lot of my friends ILs as well and that is why I asked this question - to see how many of us actually have the freedom to do this. I use his name when I refer to him in conversation with my friends and my family but not when I'm talking to his relatives. I have also never addressed him by name yet. I pride myself on generally being broad-minded and bold but I am unable to do this and I wondered if other women are like me.

    Vanathi.
     
  9. slp807

    slp807 Bronze IL'ite

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    In our family cricle no one calls MIL as amma, we call them as Attaiah(MIL) and Mamaiah(FIL), however close and nice she is to DIL we dont address her as amma.


    Vanathi -- u can count me in your list of not calling hubby by name infront of his parents, relatives.Definitely they dont like that and i dont want to create any problems by doing that.
     
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2007
  10. rajmiarun

    rajmiarun Gold IL'ite

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    Dear All,
    This is just my 2 cents. Ours is an arranged marriage and after the first meeting it took entire 6 months for our marriage. Infact it was my MIL who got permission from my father to go out with her son, mind you got permission and not ordered to send me. Many of you have said that MIL cannot be equated to mother but in my case it was wrong, my MIL made me ease at home, and being the youngest of the three DILs I had always had the fear of getting accepted. And she was the one, and not my DH created opportunities to get accepted easily. Infact the age difference bet me and my eldest BIL is close to 15 years and both my elder BILs treat me as how they treat their own sister, because right from the beginning I called them anna and manni with whole heart as I didnot have any elder brothers of my own and I had always longed to have elder brothers and get pampered.

    Yeah I am proud to say that I am pampered by my BILs, Co-sis and SIL and her husband. All this have happened just because of my MIL. I have many times talked a lot about my MIL in IL, this is another opportunity to talk about her again.

    A nice woman, who loves everyone, and who is loved by everyone. Why cant you have two mothers? and two fathers?. Yes I have two mothers and two fathers. We both shared similar thoughts, we both discuss those stories and books we read, she was such a nice companion. Yes all this is past tense, no no no problems between us, God wanted such a lovely person beside him and so he have taken him to be with her. Thats it.

    Yes amma I thank you for all that you have done to us and not a day passes without thinking about you amma. We all know that you are looking at from near God and giving him all the guidance to give all of us the best in our life.
     
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