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Calling mil as amma - Do we really mean? Is it peer pressure?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by dsrini, Dec 11, 2007.

  1. dsrini

    dsrini Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi all
    This topic has been bugging my mind for quite sometime.

    I think its peer pressure. My cousin is in joint family and she calls amma n appa coz of pressure. But my 2 sisters do not call their m'sil as amma(even in joint family).

    My husband calls my amma as maami. She is very happy coz my brothers-in-law never call her like that. Men hardly says like this n there is no hidden pressure for them.


    Why is there a hidden compulsion for this in our society(even here it is there), even though most of the mil does not treat their dil as daughter. It has to come from our heart not to be forced.

    This is my opinion. If interested share urs........
     
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2007
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  2. Sujimallige

    Sujimallige Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear divya,
    I call my mil as amma.It was heartfelt.There was no peer pressure or anything.I felt that way from the bottom of my heart and called her like that v freely.She was same to me as my mother (it is a difficult thing to equate a mil with mother but i really mean it).
    I even remember having a conversation with my husband's friend wherein i said that my mil supports me more than my mother,my mil is my mother and my own mother has become mom of my husband!
    I called her mother and truly believed that even she meant me to be like her daughter.
    But recent experiences have been so hurtful and have caused such deep wounds in my heart that now ur post has stirred a v big question in my mind.U can see that i have written abt my feelings in past tense.
    But after seeing and personally facing the torture of in laws i can conclude that no matter what a mil can never equate a mother,at least in my case ( and i learnt it through v v hard way trust me).
    Suji
     
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  3. dsrini

    dsrini Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Suji
    I feel sorry for u on how things have changed from sweet to bitter.
    Hope it changes to sweet.

    Definitely mom can never b replaced by anyone.
    But some people expects calling them as amma and most of the people r forced to do this.

    -Dhivya



     
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2007
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  4. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    I call my MIL amma. Its not peer pressure or anything. My marriage was settled in a matter of 2-3 days. I didnt have a clue what was happening. After my engagement my grandma told me call your MIL amma. I just ended up doing the same. Although I very rarely call her amma. Its just a way of addressing. I avoid it as much as possible.MIL can never be considered as moms.
     
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  5. Sindhuja

    Sindhuja Silver IL'ite

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    I started calling my MIL "amma' because my MIL wanted me to call so. That's it.
     
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  6. Sashmitaa

    Sashmitaa Senior IL'ite

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    I didnt do that thing. My MOM=MIL No way.

    Oneof my friend addresses her MIL as amma. I wonder how can u equate ur mom with ur mil.

    Lakshmi
     
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  7. SupriyaDinesh

    SupriyaDinesh Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,
    Long before my aliance was fixed I had made up mind not to address MIL as mom.I can happily call her"aunty" or such than scornfully saying "amma".There can be world's best MIL/loving MIL/great MIL..but she cannot become a mom.This is my opinion.I wonder if a mother has a son and daughter.. her daughter feels her mom is best..will her DIL also feel the same..?Got to think about that..

    Bye,
    Supriya
     
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2007
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  8. Sriniketan

    Sriniketan IL Hall of Fame

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    I also call my mil as 'amma'. She neither demanded nor asked me to call so.

    Maybe this type of calling mil as 'amma' maybe passed on from generation to generation.
    Maybe to settle down the issues between the dil and mil, they must have decided if dil calls mil as 'amma', maybe we think of her as our own mother and leave her alone!
    Do they call or think dil as a daugher is another issue!

    Never mil will = our mom, i am sure about it, eventhough i have a son and i will be in the same situation where the dil might think the same.

    My policy is don't expect.

    sriniketan
     
  9. rajirocks

    rajirocks New IL'ite

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    On the day of marriage, I was told by my MIL that I "should" address them both as 'apppa' and 'amma'. So I call them that way, but don't use the expression frequently.

    Even if we share a strong affection to someone, be it our aunts, friends moms, neighbourhood aunts etc., it is difficult to call them 'amma'. I usually call such people as auntie or maami. Then why to call MIL as amma? Given a choice, I would call them auntie and uncle.

    Dhivya, 2 aspects of what you've told is true in my case
    1. My husband never calls my parents by any word - not even auntie, uncle
    2. I have been forced to call my in-laws as Amma and Appa

    Regards,
    Raji
     
  10. Aadhusmom

    Aadhusmom Gold IL'ite

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    Thankfully in our part of the world the ILs are called 'athai' and 'maama' and thats what I call them. I could never call my MIL amma and she doesnt expect it. On another note do you call your husbands by their names in front of your ILs?

    Vanathi.
     

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