Calling 911 and its impact.

Parents who are financially dependant on kids are not the ONLY ones who can interfere in their kids life...there are parents who dont depend on kids for finances, but still do it in the name of being ELDERS.

This issue was discussed in several threads but seems like we women FAIL to DIGEST the fact that....MANY MEN ARE NOT moving fast with the changes that are happening around them i.e in terms of managing lives on their own without parents involvement...most of them TREAT saying YES to their parents as respecting their parents. and so if you happen to marry a Indian man...be prepared to face this kind of involvement (Sadly thats the truth). again i dont want to generalize here...there are men who are changing with times...who have expanded their outlook on how a wife has to be treated and how to manage their relationship b/w parents n wife etc...BUT that % is very less when compared to MEN who treat their parents as living gods and if a DIL disagrees with such interfering inlaws or abusive inlaws that DIL for sure will be thrown out of the house (or there will be situations that will be created so that the son is separated from the DIL)..its like either you live with them or have to part ways type of situation..(we have seen several threads here itself..)parting ways may not be an option for most of them....and when situations like this 911 call happens, issues will be blown out of proportion and there will be more fuel added to the fire..

WE may preach lots of stuff here...but what matters is..can it be applied in real life...(i have raised this topic in many threads also) a man who is independant before marriage and doesnt give his daily schedule to his parents turns out into a new leaf after marriage..and gives every detail to his parents, about whats cooked at home that day...so I wonder where does this change come from??? on the other hand a woman who is supposed to give every detail of her where abouts (as per our indian parents women are not allowed much freedom right???even if they give freedom atleast you are accountable for answering where you were if you come late....)the same woman is not allowed to talk to her parents if her husband doesnt like it....

There are some situations in the current and coming few years for which no one will have answers...we have to wait till that change in attitude starts coming from men too..they have to understand that times have changed...and its ok to not to listen to parents and its ok to accept that his parents can also make mistakes and can behave badly and rudely with others. (this is the part most of the men feel very egoistic to digest or accept)

am not supposed to give external links here.....but there was this site about wives filing false cases on husbands, where the main page of the site talks about situations where a man is allowed to divorce his wife if she is not cooperating with her husband and one of the situation/condition for divorce is...if the wife is not respecting her inlaws.....(so tell me what does respect mean here?? diff. people have diff. understanding about it...)

Also as far as I remember, As per Indian law, parents can file abandonment case on kids..so that shows how much importance does parents have in our indian culture .(I wont talk about foreign laws as I know well that here people talk about being independant right from their teenages..how ever still we see interferring MILs)

 

My god are these people educated.. Thanks punitha for sharing..
But believe me argument continues only when both disagrees ..
So lets be open enough to accept our mistakes for small things which makes our partner also to learn this habit.

 

As far as Indian laws about abandoning parents is concerned, it is not about the importance given to parents, there is no structure for social security or medicare, with the black money (even the politicians), when a politician is the richest person, easiet way for the government is to make children responsible for parents. They cannot collect taxes like developed countries, these laws enable parents to be at the mercy of their children. In developed countries we are are partly paying for the society and elderly we can argue that other cultures care more for eldely than indian culture in a better way. Most often we tend to focus supeficially on teenagers old age homes but not on other aspects as how western society cares for their disabled and elderly. Yes we need to take care of parents when they are disabled and cannot care for themselves, not in their middle age. OP lives in a foreign country, MIL probably has restricted social life, in her 50 and 60s with no social life, plenty of time to micromanage sons life. As far as sites concerned with false cases, it is hard for these men to digest current sititation as they are brought up like little prince all their life.
The best way for women is to be financially independent and to have children only if they feel their spouse is responsible for them in case they have to leave their jobs to take care of kids.

 

Sad part is sometimes there wont be any argument, except for one sided allegations and no matter how much a woman keeps her calm, abuse happens (either in the form of verbal/physical). Here its not about who is accepting fault/not...here the issue comes about, a wife is not supposed to question her husbands decisions or she is not supposed to express her concerns/worries openly....specially if its related to inlaws...and the moment a wife expresses those concerns hell breaks loose..

I guess we are going in the same circle over n over again..we had similar threads which went pages n pages...unless men start understanding that times have changed, most of these issues cannot be resolved...some learn over time and some wont ....till then we continue to see such isssues...