Calling 911 and its impact.

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by puni88, Nov 8, 2007.

  1. naazneen

    naazneen Junior IL'ite

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    Nivedi,
    thanks for posting the article by Shivali Shah, really shocking I think one good solution is for all unmarried women in India to refuse to come to the US on an H4. I have suffered from coming on and H4-monetarily not domestically(thank-god). I advised my cousin when she was planning to move here with her husband to make sure he gets her on an L1. It helped her tremendously. Anywaysthanks for the info. Cmit is on my mind too. Hopefully she will find the strenght to do the right thing.
    ~ Naazneen
     
  2. kavya007

    kavya007 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Punitha,

    Your story really brought tears to my eyes. As a mother I can understand the turmoil that you must have gone through especially just 10 days after delivery. I am also going through a bad situation. I delivered a son last year. And I had a lot of marital conflicts after my delivery. I almost called 911 twice but I decided against it. Prior to my delivery I had a very loving relationship with my husband. But he was not very suppportive after my delivery. It is not his fault entirely. He had severe hyperthryoid which made him very volatile. The moment he was put on medication he regained his old self. But by that time I had gone into postpartum depression. Just when we were getting a little better, my MIL and I had a nasty fight and that completely threw us off balance. Though my husband is genuinely apologetic, I am still not able to get over the hardship I suffered after my delivery. All these years my husband has only supported his parents. I still feel a lot of bitterness and resentment towards my husband and inlaws. My PCP diagnosed me with postpartum depression. Did you find counselling to be helpful ? After a few counselling sessions I felt like a sizzy going to some stranger and crying out my story. Please share your advice on how to cope in these kind of sitations.

    Kavya
     
  3. puni88

    puni88 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello Kavya,
    I really feel for your situation.
    I was not in depression, it was my MIL who is always in depression makes
    everybody's life miserable.
    I think we will be better off if IN-laws wouldn't interfere in our lives.

    Definitly counselling helps until unless both husband and wife understand about caring, sharing and follow.

    Its not going to get better in a day or two...

    Hope you feel better,
    Punitha
     
  4. kavya007

    kavya007 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,

    Thanks for your support Puni. I can understand your bitterness towards your MIL. My inlaws also sometimes picked up fights for really flimsy issues. I would never say anthing to them directly and a lot of anger built inside me. Finally it exploded one day and resulted in a nasty fight with my MIL. I realized that it is better not to let issues build up. Either we should learn to whole heartedly ignore them or face them directly. Anger and depression affects our health directly. I have heard that buddhist meditation courses on mindfulness are very good. I have no personal experience with them. Check out Vipassana Meditation Website. Probably you can give it a try.

    Yesterday I attended the 2nd counselling session and I found it pretty useful. We discussed our issues in front of the counsellor and she acted like a mediator. Getting an opinion from a neutral 3rd party person really helped. It helped in looking at things from a different perspective. We realized that we are basically having a communication gap and we had to alter the way in which we communicate. It was definitely an eye opener.

    The counsellor made me talk to my husband in front of her regarding an issue. I told my husband in front of her that "I feel that you NEVER appreciate me". The counsellor immediately caught on the fact that I used the word "NEVER" and she asked me if I felt the same way in all issues throughout my marriage. She told me to be careful about using words like NEVER, ALWAYS etc. What she said made a lot of sense. She also made my husband understand what I was expecting from him as a women.

    I just wish that my counselling session yesterday was longer. It is definitely a good way to solve some family issues. I am hoping I can find a good course on developing better communication skills or anger management.

    Thanks,
    Kavya


     
  5. puni88

    puni88 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello Kavya,
    My father goes to Vipassana course very often.
    He keeps pushing me to take the course which usually runs for a week or a two.
    I am unable to take the course because of kids and moreover I am here.
    I don't want to waste my vacation time of two weeks in India for this course.

    I am glad that you are happy today and couselling was of some help.

    Take care,
    Punitha
     
  6. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

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    Dearest Punitha,

    Wow, what a thread! Punitha, I too was moved to tears upon reading all that you went through. I hope you have been rewarded with some happiness now after all that.

    You have gone through a lot and many would like to forget such things and carry on. Instead, you have gone ahead and shared all that you know and went through with all of us with the sole purpose of helping out. You wanted others to benefit from your troubles. That is very generous indeed. May God bless you with happiness, security and peace in your life.

    You have also brought out the helping nature in many of our members, as is obvious from their hearty and open participation in this thread. This thread stands out for its sheer helpful and benevolent nature.

    No wonder it has made it to the FP of the month!

    L, Kamla
     
  7. puni88

    puni88 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello Kamla,
    Indeed it's a big surprise to me that this thread made it FP of the month.

    Thanks,
    Punitha

     
  8. Arunarc

    Arunarc Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello Punitha
    It is so shocking to read about you and sorry to hear about all the things you have gone through. As it is the winner of December post so went though the whole post it is so sad to read about the ladies suffering. Even thou both are educated they still have to face so much of abuses from men, why is it so??
    Thanks for all the information you have given about 911. I had heard about all that during my stay in Austrlalia as I had a neighbour who was an Indonsian and we could hear lots of fighting and abusing and all so the neighbours has given a complain and we would see the officers always guarding that house. But here it was a mistake of the lady, the man was very down to earth man. I use to know all about it as the lady officer use to sit near my house and use to tell me about it. Even she was surprised usually it is the lady who suffers but in this case it is the man who is suffering.
    Later no idea what happened as I moved from that place.

    Thanks for all the information you have given and Congrats for your success.
    Let the new year bring you lot of happiness and good health.
     
  9. puni88

    puni88 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Aruna,
    Thanks for your wishes.
    ~Punitha

     
  10. padmininatarajan

    padmininatarajan New IL'ite

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    Hi

    I came late to this thread. We need to keep our cool and help Punitha with the correct facts as others have done.

    We cannot pooh pooh her fears about the insecurities of a life in foreign places. It is easy to say do this, do that. Fears in minds of women about their own selves, their children cannot be easily set aside. The dependance on a man to provide for a family is still very strong.

    I am glad that more experienced and knowledgeable people about the situation in the US have explained the anomalies in Punitha's understanding of the use of 911.

    I have written another blog about DA and how it is handled here in Tamil Nadu.

    Padmini Natarajan
     

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